Here is the strategy that helped me change my thought patterns. Have you ever been in a department store to return an item and observed the cashier calling over the manager to override the transaction? I want you to be the manager of your mind. I want you to override your negative self-talk. Have you heard the saying, “Fake it till you make it”? You might have to fake it at first. As soon as a negative thought comes into your mind, like “Man, I look fat in these shorts, why did I leave the house looking like this”—that is when you call in the manager for an override.
When you override, you deflect and retort with something more positive. “These shorts are great and show off my strong legs” is an example, but say whatever feels authentically positive about yourself. Over time you’ll train your brain and the override will be needed less and less until your thinking is mostly positive. It takes time, but it works. Take control; you are your mind’s manager.
REJECT WEIGHT-LOSS CULTURE AND PERFECTIONISM
WE NEED TO quit trying to attain what society deems the perfect body and instead create our own ideals based on what feels good to us. All bodies are good bodies, and most of us just don’t have the same genetics as the models we see in magazines. In fact, only a very small number of women do. We need to embrace and celebrate who we are, as we are.
Melissa A. Fabello speaks to this beautifully: “I think that perfectionism is dangerous—and I say this as a recovering perfectionist! I think that we’ve created an environment in which we expect ‘the best’ from people, but we define what is ‘best’ for them. We don’t allow people to be their happiest, healthiest selves. Instead, we impose a one-size-fits-all cultural standard of ‘ideal’ on them, and we reinforce that by celebrating those who reach it and denigrating those who can’t.”
RECOGNIZE YOUR OWN AND OUR COLLECTIVE POWER
ALICE WALKER, AUTHOR of The Color Purple, eloquently describes the potential power of a collective group: “The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.”
We do have the power to create change. We have the power to stand up and say that women of size can be athletes, leaders, and advocates. We can love our bodies and be valued women, regardless of our size. We are worthy.
When we demand that publications, companies, and advertisers reflect our ideals in their messages, they will do so. After all, these businesses are driven by the market; they give us what we want! Let’s want something that benefits us. Because magazine editors now know that there’s a substantial audience that, until recently, has been ignored, we’re beginning to see plus-size women becoming cover girls. The fashion industry can no longer overlook the buying power of millions of plus-size women and have started to step up and deliver larger sizes at many mainstream retailers.
Awareness gives us the power to change and the ability to kick open the door to living limitlessly. And together, through efforts large and small, we can shatter stereotypes and change the world.
TAKE THE BODY POSITIVE PLEDGE
TAKING THE BODY positive pledge is a great way to commit to your new way of thinking. It takes time to unlearn everything that you have learned, so let’s get started now. We are bombarded by images and messages telling us that we don’t belong. We must stop believing this and fight to be respected and included as we are. Let’s make it official:
I promise to love and respect my body every day. I recognize that not every moment will include body love, but I am committed to changing my thought patterns and inviting body love and self-acceptance into my life.
Through this process I vow to (to the best of my ability):
•Start my morning with affirmations about something I love about myself.
•Refrain from negative self-talk.
•Live my life to its fullest in the body I have now.
•Say “yes” more than “no” to things that scare me.
•Refrain from thinking or saying negative things about myself or other people.
•Ditch negative media.
•Surround myself with positive people who only elevate me.
•Accept compliments graciously.
On the days when this seems impossible, I will be kind to myself and keep in mind that this is a journey. Things don’t change overnight. Tomorrow is a new day. It’s time to shatter the stereotypes in my life and be the change.
TWO
Unleashing Your Inner Athlete
I AM AN ATHLETE. When I run the streets of my neighborhood with my running tribe around me, pushing my body to its limits, sweat dripping from my forehead, I am an athlete. When I race across the finish line, swim my final lap, or finish a particularly challenging fitness class, I am an athlete. And you can become an athlete too.
In the past I tried many times to find my way to an active life. Maybe you can relate: I would start an activity only to get discouraged and end up back on the couch, feeling guilty and defeated. I would be overly enthusiastic and join a new gym, commit myself to a two-year contract, and vow that this time I would finally get my shit together. I would shift excessively into “all” mode and then in fairly short order slip back into “nothing” mode, then add up more failure and disappointment.
I was convinced, and maybe you are too, that athletics and the healthful life I desired were reserved for a group of thin elites. Why was I convinced that I could only be an athlete if I fit a particular body type?
“Athlete,” as defined by the Oxford English Dictionary, means a person who is proficient in fitness or sport. Proficient. Oxford does not mention age, gender, race, or physical size. Today, by society’s standards, the word “athlete” means being ripped and muscular. When men or women fit the dictionary definition of “athlete” but do not have the body type dictated by our culture, they may be subject to ridicule.
You may remember what the reaction was to baseball player Prince Fielder when his fat, naked body graced the cover of ESPN The Magazine in 2014. The Internet exploded with body-shaming comments that ridiculed Fielder for his strong, muscular—but apparently not ripped enough—physique. We are guilty, collectively, of associating “athlete” with thin, muscular frames but not bodies that fall outside of that narrow range.
At a press conference Fielder spoke his truth about the reaction from society. “A lot of people probably think I’m not athletic or don’t even try to work out or whatever, but I do,” Fielder said. “Just because you’re big doesn’t mean you can’t be an athlete. And, just because you work out doesn’t mean you’re going to have a twelve-pack. I work out to make sure I can do my job to the best of my ability. Other than that, I’m not going up there trying to be a fitness model.”
It’s time to restore the true meaning of the word “athlete.” Everyone has the ability to become athletically proficient, to achieve and often exceed their expectations of themselves, and everyone has the right to bring their bad-ass powerhouse self into the forum of sports and physical activity. If you buy into the idea that an athlete’s body must fit society’s narrow ideal—chiseled, youthful, probably Caucasian—you are cheating the rest of us who are athletes but do not have the “right” body type. We need you in this fight to prove that we all have a place in the arena, at the starting line, on the field. For the sake of the next generation we must challenge cultural stereotypes and raise kids who see sports and health as all-inclusive.
Bill Bowerman, co-founder of Nike:
“If you have