“I am here to run the half-marathon,” I said sharply. “Oh,” he said, quickly fumbling for my race package in the other box. I took my number and the event-branded race shirt that was three sizes too small and joined my husband.
The little voice inside cheering me on had been reduced to a whisper. As we stood silently waiting for the race to begin, I couldn’t help feeling defeated. I had trained for months and run hundreds of miles, and yet this encounter left me feeling like an impostor. I had felt this before—like I didn’t fit in.
Unfortunately, this feeling of sitting on the sidelines can be common among women of size who participate in races; perhaps you have felt this way too. Throughout my career as a trainer, women have shared stories of fitness classes, races, and high school gym classes where their potential was repeatedly overlooked because of their size. As humans, we crave acceptance. And these memories of rejection linger and hold us back.
Identity Threat and Stereotypes
DR. BRENDA MAJOR is a professor of psychology at the University of California, Santa Barbara. Major’s research focuses on how people cope with prejudice and discrimination. She confirms what I’ve noted from teaching fitness to plus-size women: the fear of judgment is real and often warranted.
“Evidence around stigma, discrimination, and negative attitudes is incredibly strong,” says Major, “and people are aware of these judgments by others. In my primary discipline—social psychology—I’ve studied ‘social identity threat’ at length, which is an awareness that other people are judging you and seeing you negatively on the basis of the identities you have, in this case being fat, which is a severely devalued identity in America. As a result, many of us internalize these judgments as our own. We not only feel negatively judged by others, but we judge ourselves. There’s this very strong and real fear that you are going to be negatively evaluated and excluded.”
Major’s findings explain a lot about why many people find fitness unapproachable. When we feel judged by others, our fear and anxiety grows. For this reason, many of us find fitness endeavors intimidating and out of reach.
Though we may not have the power to change others’ judgments, we can change this dynamic—the key lies in our response. If you are feeling judged, you can take control of the situation. Often when people judge others, it’s because of their own feelings of inadequacy. Know that their judgments are their issues, not yours. It can be difficult to do this, but take pride in your sense of self and try to stay confident and true to your athletic dreams.
Experts say that the way we confront bias and discrimination often depends on the situation and the personality type of the individual being judged. Research shows that bias toward and discrimination against people who are fat most often comes from physicians and family members. If you feel you can, take a stand against them. It doesn’t have to be confrontational or abrasive. For example, if a family member is harping on you to lose weight you could say, “I appreciate your concern for my health, but I am working on my health in a way that works for me.” Rehearse your response and advocate for yourself. And if that fails, step away. Although we can never escape all bias, especially from our family members, when it comes to judgments about our weight, we can remove ourselves from harmful situations. Find people who support you, and avoid those who don’t.
It may also help to practice compassion toward people who judge you. Holding on to resentment and anger will only hurt you. Creating a toolbox of skills and strategies to cope with bias toward those who are fat has helped me understand the knee-jerk reaction of that young man behind the table on race day. His action was fueled by a culture that has one narrative about bodies and health. Eventually, I felt only compassion for him. How could I blame him for his assumptions about me?
While many people assume that fat automatically equals unfit, a growing number of highly respected researchers and agencies say otherwise. Dr. Steven Blair is a renowned exercise researcher at the Arnold School of Public Health at the University of South Carolina. His research shows that excess weight is not “the enemy.” Not getting enough exercise and being cardiovascularly unfit are much greater contributors to poor health than any extra pounds can be. Blair stands firmly by his research showing that fit, fat people outlive thin, unfit people. The National Cancer Institute also backed this finding, reporting that physical activity is associated with greater longevity among persons in all BMI groups: those normal weight, and those considered fat.
Although many studies demonstrate that a fit body can come in a range of sizes, many people can’t see beyond the stereotypes. Larger bodies seldom appear in advertisements for gyms or in fitness magazines. When we do see a fat body in the media, it often accompanies an article about the latest demonizing obesity study and shows the person from only the shoulders down, dehumanizing the person. Athletes like me who fall outside of the athletic norm often feel we don’t fit in because we’ve been told, in subtle and not-so-subtle ways, that we don’t.
Changing our fitness experience means surrounding ourselves with positive influences and finding teams of people who leave stereotypes at the door. And because we seldom see athletes of size in our daily visual landscape, it’s up to you and me to change the perceptions out there.
THERE ARE A number of things we can all do to shatter stereotypes surrounding people of size and show society a new version of the plus-size woman:
1.Sign up for a 5K walk or run. Being seen participating in sporting events makes a powerful statement: plus-size does not mean inactive, unfit, or unhealthy. The more people like you and me who are seen at such events, the more our participation will be perceived as normal.
2.Perhaps you have a bucket list but felt you needed to be thinner or more fit to do these things you’ve always wanted to do. Jump out of a plane? Do an obstacle mud race? I always wanted to hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon—so I did! Today is a gift and tomorrow is not guaranteed, so start ticking off the boxes.
3.Don’t wait for someday—live your life on your terms today. Maybe going to the beach is something you’ve been waiting to do when you are thinner? Everyone deserves to swim and enjoy the beach. I love the saying, “If you have a body and you go to the beach, you have a beach body!” You can rock a bathing suit. Buy one that makes you feel good and then strut your stuff. There is more than one type of bathing suit body. (See the gear section of this book for great retailers in swimwear.)
4.Wear what you want. Try something that is out of your comfort zone but that you’ve always wanted to wear: bold prints, fitted clothing, and horizontal stripes come to mind. Bodies of size do not need to be all covered up, draped in black, or restricted to plain clothing. Wear what makes you feel good.
5.Accept yourself. Abandoning diet culture and rocking the body you have shatters the stereotype that all big women are on a mission to become thin. And, in case you haven’t heard, you don’t have to be on that mission anymore.
THERE IS A misconception that people like us are crying into our pillows every night wishing we could lose weight and find happiness. But your weight should not determine your happiness. Live your happiest life now, not when you are thinner. Show yourself and the world that big girls rule their lives.
Sarah Robles, Olympic weightlifter, Team USA 2012 and 2016:
“I think limits are only put on us by ourselves. People can say or feel any way about us and place caps on our abilities, but we are the ones who choose how we react and if we put those limits on ourselves. To be limitless is the ultimate freedom to choose our destiny. Had I put caps on what I could do or who I could be, I wouldn’t be living the amazing life I am. I get to do what I love with people I love and help others because I chose a limitless path, one very few have traversed.”
Stacey