But we are as motivated by ideas as we are by hormones and conditioning, perhaps more so.59 Although the source is different from physiological imperatives, the result of both is the energising and directing of sexual behaviour. And so we come to the second drive source, governed by ‘supernatural’ laws, whose collection of drives I refer to as the Subjective Drive Profile, or SDP. This second drive source comprises drives that derive from ideas, beliefs, meanings, memories, values, perceptions and decisions apprehended by the subjective self — critical components of the evolving mind map that orients the subjective self.60 These meanings and ideas include those relevant to the expression of the inner self, and those relevant to a person’s role in wider society. Some of these drives are relatively stable, although changes in circumstance may cause the profile to fluctuate. Although these meaning-based drives can generate emotions (and therefore activate physiological processes), in such cases the source of the drive is not the emotion itself, but the idea or perception giving rise to the emotion.
Ideas relate to an intangible and unmeasurable dimension, yet play a critical role in the physical world of tangible and measurable events. Consider how an architect’s thoughts ultimately shape a building, or how the coach’s ideas influence the movement of players in the field. The physiological event of hormonal release and the subjective event of ideas and meanings can occur simultaneously, one activating the other, just as multiple ideas can reflect complex associations; and all of these interact. The latter are difficult to explicate, depending largely on introspection and self-awareness. Through introspection, people are generally able to identify at least some reasons that contribute to the way they might behave: for example, why they might be attracted to (or repelled by) another person. Identifying underlying belief systems and emotional responses also give clues to the drives that comprise a person’s SDP, as we will see.
The differentiation and labelling of drives in the SDP is inherently problematic, however. The brain is associative in nature,61 and so drives based on subjective perceptions will reflect meaning clusters that vary from one person to the next. And so I do not conceive the different drives as representing discrete categories or entities that mean the same thing from one person to the next: rather, I describe approximate and interdependent motivational themes, referencing motives and drives described by other theorists. These drive themes comprising meanings clumped together by association, representing various emotional62 and social needs, perceptions, attitudes, hopes and desires. Some drive themes relate more to the relational needs of the desirer and are less discriminative of the qualities of the desired one, while other drive themes are more discriminative, focusing more on the attributes of the object of desire. Some drive themes are more strongly related to sexual desire and/or arousal, while other drive themes relate more to broader emotional, social, or even practical considerations relating to interpersonal attraction and pairing. Interpersonal sexual attraction is shaped by the particular mix and prevailing ascendancy of drives in a person’s drive profile. Any one person’s drive profile is unique to that person, although various themes and trends will emerge that are common to groups of people. This drive profile changes over time, depending on personal and environmental circumstances, and on normal developmental processes.
The two sources, one essentially biological in nature, the other related to the perceptions and attributions of the subjective self, are governed by different laws and principles. Yet they interrelate, each finding context in the other, each informing the other. It may be fair to say that sexual arousal and sexual desire have more to do with the BDP, while interpersonal attraction and pairing, relating to subjective and social events, have more to do with the SDP. Nevertheless, the BDP and the SDP interact, so that the subjective self seeks to make meaningful attributions to the emotions, moods, and general experiences emerging from neuroendocrine activity, while patterns of neurochemical activation and neuroendocrine fluctuations respond to subjective perceptions. We will discover that the sexual relationship encompasses a complex mix of these drives which need to be integrated so that interpersonal attraction, sexual desire, and sexual arousal become aligned. The subjective self interacts with both drive sources, playing a critical role in the interpretation of meanings, choice of focus, and the behavioural decisions that result in the unique patterns of sexual behaviour and relationships entered into. In the process, it seeks internal consistency through minimising internal conflict, while also minimising external conflicts.
Features of the biological (BDP) and subjective (SDP) drive profiles
We have seen how ‘sexual’ has to do with the respective sexes, the sexual act, and the intentions and behaviours leading to the sexual act. But we have also seen how complex sexual behaviour is — in the factors that make it sexual, and in the circumstances that might lead to such behaviour, including relationship factors. We have further observed that the associative nature of neural functioning contributes to this complexity. This associative process connects ideas and overlaps meanings, so that, through these associations, diverse behavioural events can attract the label ‘sexual’. For this reason, the idea of a single ‘sex drive’ is manifestly inadequate. We find a variety of drives can find expression in what we call ‘sexual behaviour’ — drives for pleasure, social acceptance, power, love, belonging, and so on; because these drives have become associated with sexual expression, most frequently in the context of relationship. Yet many of these drives can also find expression in non-sexual behaviour. Furthermore, the wide range of drives results in a diversity of sexual behaviour, both heterosexual and homosexual. And so sexual expression might be associated with romantic relationships and mate selection where drives relating to love and intimacy are ascendant; it might be associated with pursuance of prostitution and pornography where drives relating to curiosity and adventure are ascendant; or it might be associated with other psychological and social events, each with their respective relevant drives.
Where do these drives come from, and what shapes a person’s drive profile? How do some drives become more important than others? And what sexual behaviour will different drive profiles prompt? The sources of the various drive themes vary. They find a basis in a person’s sexual and relationship history as well as in their social context: dysfunctional and normal emotional needs, adaptive and maladaptive schemas, sociocultural scripts, conditioning history, attachment and relational history, relational skills, hormonal history, and mental and physical health all contribute to shaping of a person’s unique drive profile. Some of these factors we will explore in more detail later. For now, we observe that a person’s unique history contributes to how he or she interprets things: that is, it is from their past experiences and beliefs that particular meanings are attributed to people and events. For each person, different meanings might associate with the activation of sexual interest — for example, what another person represents to them affects whether or not they might be sexually attracted to them.
How does this work? A person is not only a physical and sexual being; he or she can represent other things — power, status, energy, nurturance, safety, and so on. The meanings I associate with a person may be idiosyncratic to me, and may not be an accurate representation of that person; but it is these perceived attributions which interact with my SDP. And just as a person represents various meanings to me, so does sexual behaviour. Behaviour, like words, carries meanings interpreted by the perceiver. Behaviour driven by neurochemical forces is still imbued with meaning: it is interpreted. Sexual behaviour has meanings both parties need to interpret. The perceived drives that inform sexual behaviour contribute to its meaning and accepted function — whether such behaviour means ownership, recreation, acceptance, escape from responsibility, and so on.
How I choose to interpret behaviour (both my own and that of others) may be different from the way others, or society in general, interprets that behaviour. My frame of reference may not coincide with that of the society in which I live, and this can lead to confusion and frustration. The attribution of meaning is also affected by prevailing physiological events and sexual interest and desire. For example, if you happen to feel good when you meet someone, you are more likely to like them: the prevailing mood state colours how you see the other person and may be attributed