“I thought Carencrow Regional was out of control when those bastards from Colombia HCA owned the hospital, but since the greedy GeeHad gained control, this work environment has become unbearable,” Rex argued as his coworkers looked on, nodding in agreement.
“This ain’t been no magic carpet ride, that’s for damn sure!” Wanda felt compelled to add.
“I tell you, it’s a plot with the Wicked Witch of the South, Ms. Teresa Talon, RN, executing this hospital’s evil agenda. If her father had not been president of this hospital so many years ago, she would’ve never become the emergency room director of nursing,” Rex retorted.
“I must admit you have a good point, Rrrrex. She has absolutely no common sense, and I know for certain that she can’t even start an IV!” Wanda said, adding a little more fuel to the fire.
“That’s a fact,” Trissy contributed.
“That self-serving tyrant sits in her glass office all day, oblivious to what is going on in the ER. If she’s not busy criticizing those who work for her, she’s preoccupied with plotting the demise of anyone who appears to be a threat to her little dictatorship! Hell, she’s as dangerous as a great white shark, but as useless as tits on a bull!” Rex concluded.
“Stay focused Rrrrex,” Boom Boom said, although he chuckled, knowing that the facts were undeniable.
“Now let me get this straight. Are you proposing a mutiny?” Wanda asked as she placed her immobilized, splint-laden hands on her hips.
“Sounds like a mutiny to me. Rrrrex, consider me onboard,” Trissy added in support. Suddenly, Boom Boom became keenly aware of a large, shadowy movement to his left. He quickly turned and lifted his head.
“Oh, Christ!” Boom Boom uttered, watching Mushroom Head steam toward him. Undoubtedly, she was under full power. Only the sound of her thunder-thighs rubbing together escaped the vacuum left in her wake.
“Run deep and silent, Rrrrex,” Boom Boom whispered, then winked as he canted his head and rolled his eyes to the left in a most peculiar manner.
“Boom Boom, are you having a seizure?” Rex asked, attempting to analyze his friend’s bizarre facial expressions.
Boom Boom dropped his head in frustration, realizing that his subtle message had not been received. Rex looked beyond Boom Boom and immediately saw Mushroom Head as she walked past, heading toward Teresa’s office.
“Damn!” Rex mumbled as he quickly turned away from GeeHad’s evil, on-rushing goon.
“Having a seizure?” Boom Boom teased.
“So, what the hell. I miss one diagnosis.”
“You must be joking!” Sheila suddenly shouted out loud before hanging up the phone.
“Rex, Debby called from triage. Several of the hospital managers are passing out cokes and brownies to those in the waiting room, even to the patients who presented with nausea and vomiting! It appears that several patients complained about the waiting time, and management felt that this was the way of soothing frayed nerves,” Sheila reported.
“That was a rather bright idea. You see, management really is insanely humane,” Rex criticized.
“I’m sure the surgeons would be pleased to know that anyone they may be taking to the operating room tonight has a full belly,” Boom Boom replied sarcastically, shaking his head in disbelief.
“Rex, Mean and Evil overheard your conversation criticizing our illustrious ER nursing director and were seen heading toward Teresa’s office. They look like they’re up to no good,” Trissy whispered.
Mean and Evil were Boom Boom’s nurses. These ladies were believed to be Siamese twins joined at the head and the chest. It was rumored that shortly after birth, they were separated and neither was left with a brain or a heart. They would sell their souls for the death and destruction of a coworker, for either promotion or pleasure. These two took such great pride in their monikers that no one used their real names. Both were in their late forties, obese, pear-shaped, and ill-tempered chain-smokers. Alone, each was dangerous, but together they acted synergistically, creating a destructive force of unimaginable magnitude. Rex and Trissy were soon to find themselves down and out, courtesy of Mean and Evil.
“They were probably heading out the ambulance door for one of their countless cigarette breaks, or to graze on some dead carcass lying in the grass,” Rex replied, without giving the buzzards a second thought.
“Boom Boom, you must keep a tighter rein on those feathered reprobates,” Rex suggested after being made aware of Mean and Evil abandoning their post for the tenth time this shift.
“Normally I would Rex, but those two birds are so ornery that I’m afraid of the repercussions,” Boom Boom replied honestly as he began tying up loose ends before his relief appeared.
“By the way, are we still on for dinner tonight, Trissy?” Rex asked as he gazed into her sparkling eyes.
“Absolutely, of course. After a day like today, the last thing I want to think about is cooking. I can already taste the Cosmopolitan,” Trissy replied as she licked her lips.
Chapter 6
It was quarter to seven and, like clockwork, Dr. Hanz “Pretty Boy” Bleeker and Dr. Fred “Fast Freddie” Leadbury had arrived to relieve the watch.
Hanz was a paranoid, thirty-five-year old white male, going on eighteen. His black scrubs and dark, slicked back hair left no doubt that he was of Italian descent. He had been hired at Carencrow Regional only weeks before. He was rather reserved, so Wanda quickly decided to break the ice. She felt compelled to ask the question that everyone thought they knew the answer to.
“You’re awfully pretty. You ain’t gay, are you?” Wanda asked.
“Hell, no!” Hanz shot back in his own defense as he tried to analyze why this splint-sporting Ewok would ask such an insulting question.
He did, in fact, appear rather effeminate, but his preoccupation and daily ritual of chasing every pretty girl in a short skirt left little doubt as to his sexual preference.
“Wanda, how could you embarrass Dr. Bleeker like that? Pretty Boy is all dog!” Boom Boom replied in the newly hired physician’s defense.
“Thank you, Boom Boom,” Hanz responded with genuine appreciation before slipping away from the counter to hit on one of the hot nurses.
Several minutes later Hanz strolled over to Rex. He looked around the ER, saw the mayhem, and just shook his head. He didn’t have the courage to look at the number of charts stacked on the salad bar.
“Well, what do you have?” Hanz asked in a rather discouraged tone.
“Another day in paradise,” Rex replied, knowing he had one foot out the door. He was quite pleased that he had semi-survived another grueling shift.
Hanz didn’t like working the night shifts, as he always had difficulty sleeping during the day. Today had been no different.
“Christ, Hanz, you look like a walking zombie,” Rex noted.
“I didn’t sleep a wink.”
“Well, it shows,” Rex chuckled. “Whenever you regain full consciousness, let me know, and I’ll give you the report. However, you’re not going to be pleased,” Rex added.
“I can clearly see that, but it’s now or never,” Hanz replied while rubbing his bloodshot eyes.
“In room one… Finally, in room twelve there is a young man who ended up being the consult from hell. The patient is a five-year-old boy transferred in from an outlying hospital for a neurosurgical consult, a phrase that has become an oxymoron in recent months. A friend pushed him down