Ignite the Third Factor. Peter Jensen

Many of the men I know use the word feel as a synonym for the word think as if they meant the same thing.

       Author: I blame Bum Phillips, the old Texas football coach, for this. When he had Earl Campbell, the magnificent running back, on his Houston team, he would say in his wonderful drawl, “I feel like we can run the ball tonight.”

       Editor: You’ve got to be making that first name up—and I don’t care who’s to blame. A leader needs to recognize that a feeling is an emotion—I feel angry, upset, excited, et cetera—and feed that back to the other person to make them aware of the impact they had on at least one person, you.

       Author: It is so a real name!

      * 360 feedback is a process of anonymous feedback from direct reports, the person the individual reports to, peers, sometimes people from other levels in the organization, as well as customers, family members and friends.

3 Manage Yourself

       Editor: Manage yourself? Are we about to lecture readers on self-discipline or on some form of behavior modification or neurolinguistic programming?

       Author: Exactly—and self-administered electric shock therapy for those who misbehave!

       Editor: Get serious.

       Author: One of my favorite quotes is from that famous philosopher Winnie the Pooh, who once said, “This is far too important to be taken seriously.” Perspective is critical when developing others, and we need to be aware of our own inner world, our thoughts, our beliefs, and our impulse to react to external forces and events. Sometimes we want something so badly for the other person that we become evangelical about it and turn them off. At other times our frustration may interfere with what we say and how we say it. To engage another person in becoming more self-aware and responsible, in other words to engage their Third Factor, we have to create an environment where this can and will occur. The manager’s or coach’s ability to self-manage is significant, because they are the most influential factor in the performer’s world.

       Editor: My son plays minor sport and I hate how I feel and think at his games. Most of the time I contain it, but every once in a while I say something or act in a way I really don’t like. It’s hard to stop myself, even with my so-called awareness.

       Author: I know. I teach this stuff and I still catch myself when I’m at a competitive event. Competition brings out the worst in many of us. It’s not just reserved for minor sport but anywhere we believe we are “competing,” or where the outcome is uncertain or there is pressure to do well, or where we perceive the outcome to be extremely important. If you can learn and practice the skills we’ll be talking about in this chapter at your son’s games, they’ll also serve you well in other environments.

       Editor: So this really has to do with internal “stuff ” that gets triggered in us.

       Author: Exactly. Think about those times you’re unhappy with your behavior. To what do you attribute your “misbehavior”?

       Editor: Well, in the case of my son’s games, my frustration at what I think is a lack of focus or effort on his part, anger at the officials, coach or another player, my fear that he’ll be disappointed if he makes a mistake . . . lots of things, depending on what happens, who is there and how I am feeling when I get to the game.

       Author: You are a very aware person! Frustration, anger, disappointment, hurt—these are all internal, so we need to go inside to manage them. Learning to manage what’s going on inside helps us perform better on the outside, which can only help us improve our own performance at developing others.

       Editor: Hey, maybe this could help my golf game!

       Author: Let’s not get overly ambitious.

      To develop others you must be awake and aware. It is challenging, if not impossible, for a coach to trigger the Third Factor in someone if they are lost in the emotional soup of the moment or caught up in some perceived injustice from earlier in the morning. Historically speaking, there was no one better at being “awake” than Buddha. He may have been the ultimate self-manager and Igniter!

      After his enlightenment, a traveler asked Buddha, “What are you? Are you a man?”

      “No” was Buddha’s reply.

      “Are you a god then?”

      “No,” answered Buddha.

      “Then you must be a ghost,” said the questioner.

      “No,” answered Buddha.

      “Then what are you?” demanded the man.

      “I am awake” was Buddha’s reply.

      This chapter is about waking up and starting to notice how little we actively direct what we do: how often we are at the mercy of what we are experiencing or what our beliefs are.