To my beautiful, unique, wise, complicated,rebel parents (one in this world, one in the next).Thank you for encouraging my rebel spirit, too.
Contents
Chapter 1: Your Parents Effed You Up...Go for It Anyway
Chapter 2: No One Else Knows What They’re Doing, Either
Chapter 3: How to Always End Up on Top
Chapter 5: Love Yourself, Especially When You Don’t “Deserve” It
Chapter 6: It’s Okay If People Don’t Like You
Chapter 7: See the World through Comedy-Colored Glasses
Chapter 8: Second Opinions Aren’t Better Than Your First Feeling
Chapter 9: Ask, “What’s Missing?”
Chapter 10: Great News: It’s Your Fault
Chapter 11: Fall Madly in Love with Rejection
Chapter 14: You’re Going to Be Okay
Bonus Chapter: Because You Always Deserve More Good Things!
Appendix: Master the Pay-Raise Script
On my first wedding day, I was nineteen years old. And at that tender age, I’d already faced some of life’s biggest challenges: being on welfare as a kid, growing up in women’s shelters, surviving an abusive, alcoholic, drug-addicted father, caring for a depressed and unstable mother, moving across the world with nothing but a few hundred dollars in the bank. It’s safe to say that I knew more than most people about all the ways life can go wrong. But on the day of my wedding, I couldn’t think about the rest of my life going in any direction other than “perfectly right.”
Can you relate to that happy, hopeful feeling? That life is finally on track?
I was marrying someone I was madly in love with. If there’s one word for what a young, hopeful woman feels on her wedding day, I think it’s this: possibility. Oh, the dreams! The magic of what’s to come! The pure potential of what you’ll achieve in your life with love by your side. It’s the beginning of the rest of your life, right? #couplegoals
As I drove to the beach where my wedding was about to take place, my soon-to-be mother-in-law sat next to me, telling me how beautiful I looked. The sun was shining in its full Australian force, even though it was a crisp winter morning. I was flattered, of course, but truly, I felt beautiful. My dusty-rose dress was neat and perfect, with tiny pearl buttons working their way up to the collarbone, and my skin was glowing with all the excitement (plus a little fake tanner — I’m English, and it was the winter, after all!).
As the view of the seashore whipped past us, the seagulls diving and soaring overhead, I remember her saying that although we were young, some people get marriage right early on, while other people never do — even after many marriages. That felt true. And I felt certain about what was coming next. Certainty is one of the best feelings, isn’t it?
Emotions were running high that morning: the nerves and joy and excitement, and that undefinable emotion that just sticks in your stomach when you know something important is happening. It feels like the day belongs exclusively to you. The world bows to you. Everyone celebrates with you. And I would go so far as to say that other people are never happier or more enthusiastic about your life than they are when your wedding day approaches.
That day, I felt like this was it. After all the challenges I’d faced, life was finally going to be easy. Everything would be simpler from here on out. Because I’d made a smart choice in marrying the man whom my heart told me to. Right?
And then.
And then, when it doesn’t work out, when you realize how incompatible you are together, you’re incredibly sad. Second-guessing your judgment leaves you feeling desperate and aimless. And worse still, everyone who wished you well is saddened, and you feel guilty about it. It feels like it’s your fault. It’s as if another little crack in the world appears, just more proof that life goes wrong. It’s impossible to make it better for everyone involved. And when you want the people around you to be impressed and happy with you but you feel like you’re letting them down instead, well, that just feels miserable.
Do you know that sinking feeling of having to let people down? Worrying about what they’ll all think? Sick to let them see you fail at something? The failure can be anything — a marriage, a business, a health goal. It happens to us all.
But here’s the truth: we don’t have to be strong or perfect all the time. We’re allowed to be scared, we’re allowed to fail, and yes, we’re allowed to let people down. And we don’t need their constant approval. If you’re being honest with yourself, you know that some bad things have already happened in your life, and they will continue to happen. If you’re alive on this earth for any amount of time, there will be suffering. You’ll feel sad. You’ll feel scared. Life is full of uncertainty and change, and at times, pain, depression, and darkness.
The good news is, we can comfort ourselves — and this book is full of strategies that