Dialogue with your younger self. Ask them, “What do you think about that?” Listen for their answer; don’t think for them. Then ask the younger self, “How are you doing?” Again, listen for their answer, and don’t be tempted to think of the answer in your head. The younger self will answer, reminding you of what hurt them. Reassure your younger self that whatever happened was not their fault, and while whatever happened was wrong, it is not happening anymore. Ask your younger self what they want from your adult self, and then fulfill their reasonable requests. Typically, the younger part wants to know that you are okay and that things turned out well in spite of their own distressing and disturbing experiences. Reassuring the younger self that you survived those difficult times and are in a completely different stage of life will help your younger self move on and heal.
Dealing with clutter and organizing your life often means dealing with the places where you are still stuck or struggling with past distressing memories. In this situation, your younger self will want to know that you are willing to work on healing the lingering angst created in the past. As you organize your space, it is important to let your wounded younger self know that you don’t want their help with the clutter. Indeed, assure them that you don’t want their help in any part of your current adult life. Once you help all your younger selves heal, tell them to “be free” and to “go have fun.”
This technique of inner communication can also be used to heal unresolved wounds and conflicts with other people, particularly those who have died or whom you can’t or don’t want to speak to directly. Simply visualize meeting these difficult or unavailable people using your imagination, and communicate with them. Visualize a comfortable room with a mediator or neutral party who will help you work on a resolution. Discuss whatever unresolved and unfinished business you have with the person, express any negative emotions, and share whatever insight you have about why certain things occurred.
The goal is to have a cathartic release of pain and suffering in a loving, safe, and unconditional manner. This exercise takes focus and some time to get used to, but it provides insight into other people and your life in a nonthreatening way. It is a safe way to confront, understand, and forgive people who have hurt you or to communicate with people you have lost. Ultimately, the aim is to understand and heal any lingering confusion, hatred, shame, and remorse from past relationships, so that you have the emotional freedom to pursue your ideal life in the present.
RECOGNIZING YOUR SPIRITUAL BELIEF SYSTEM
Part of creating your ideal life means understanding your personal beliefs and organizing your lifestyle in alignment with them. I believe that an organized healthy self, one focused on all aspects of wellness, includes one’s belief system. I like to think of humans as spiritual beings in a physical experience. We are Soul. Soul is from one source, split off into creative sparks of light, carried by a current of sound into a physical body. I believe, at all times, our physical form is linked by a silver cord to the original source. Therefore, we have an inner resource of wisdom, connectivity, and power at all times. We have all the answers within for any challenges we face.
You may give your philosophies, theories, and spiritual beliefs a lot of thought, and they are firm and clear, or you may not think about them at all. Perhaps you ascribe to a particular religious or spiritual path or you don’t. It’s also okay to move about in your ideas and thoughts until you have some awareness of who you are and life’s deeper meaning is clear to you. Only you know what you believe in at any given moment. However, when you find yourself clueless or uncertain about your existence, I encourage you to take the time to consider these questions and to ponder the larger meaning of life. This is part of being grounded in your life’s larger purpose in order to stay organized. Having awareness of who you are and your true purpose is one of the greatest gifts you will experience and share with others.
Take a few moments to reflect on and answer these questions:
•Do you believe in a higher power? Are you not sure?
•Do you believe in an organized religion? A spiritual path?
•Do you have a savior or a master you follow?
•Do you believe in evolution? Are you agnostic or atheist?
•Do you believe wholeheartedly in a specific doctrine, or do you have your own theories?
Whatever you believe in helps you become clearer about yourself and what you value in life. An unclear spiritual path leads to an unclear physical environment, a bumpier road, and an undeniable confusion about everything, including who to include in your life.
DEVELOPING A POSITIVE SOCIAL SUPPORT SYSTEM
Knowing how to evaluate and understand who will be great in your life and who will not is not always easy, especially when they are family, old friends, neighbors, and coworkers. There are many ways to determine who stays and who goes. Hurtful people create drama, affecting and impacting you on all levels, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I always say, “Like attracts like,” so getting clarity on those you want in your life will help clear out the people you don’t want in your life. Some people can be considered “life clutter.”
Befriending people with similar values makes life flow better. Running around with a wild party crowd when you’re introspective or in recovery leads to misery. Staying home, isolated and alone, when you value the limelight will engulf you in sadness and despondency. Surrounding yourself with people who have conflicting ideas and philosophies may be great in a debate, but it’s not great in your personal life. Being involved with unfavorable people is as damaging as living in clutter. Eliminating from your life any people with ill will is always a good idea.
Establishing strong boundaries with people who rely on you too much, who are not reciprocal, and who do not have your best interest at heart is in your best interest. Communicating clearly with yourself and with other people will keep balance in all areas of your life, and being a clear communicator will ultimately make clearing your space so much easier and effective. As I discuss next, improving communication skills is the most intriguing part of clearing clutter from your life.
CHANGING YOUR LANGUAGE WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE
Changing how you communicate will help increase your productivity, timeliness, and creative life processes and allow you to live an organized life. The number-one cause of perpetual disorganization is the use of what I call “impeding language.” The way you talk to yourself and others directly impacts your behavior, along with cluttered corners, cabinets, and packed and erratic spaces. Impeding language leads to overcollecting, overaccumulating, and cluttering in the most insidious and derailing ways.
ELIMINATING IMPEDING LANGUAGE FROM YOUR LIFE
Distinguishing wants from needs, using decisive language and eliminating indecisive language, and putting adjectives or feeling words and the word will back into your language assures you of having ease with the decluttering process. Changing your language will also improve your productivity and help you fulfill your goals before, during, and after the decluttering process.
I believe “I need” is the most overused phrase in our language. We say “I need” all the time: I need to get out of here; I need to pick up the kids; I need to call that guy; I need to do something with my hair; I need to exercise; I need new clothes; I need a new car. I need, I need, I need! This phrase comes up often during the decluttering process. Someone holds up item after item and says, “I need this.” But the truth is, “I need” is a white lie. Saying you need something that is not an essential need instead of saying you “want” something or that you will “do” something is a way to avoid recognizing or admitting that