Decluttering effectively requires self-honesty, since the goal is to remove from your home whatever is inauthentic, out of date, and burying or blocking your authentic self and aspirations. As you do, little and big gems of understanding will fall into your lap, astounding and dazzling you. Clearing up hazy half-truths and stupefying, self-defeating behaviors clears the path to becoming a champion and builder of your empire.
Ironically, one of the things people discover is how they could have fooled or misled themselves about their own lives, often with good intentions, yet in very unsettling ways. Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy are innocent, well-meaning untruths, but as a child I remember feeling a little squeamish when I realized I had been duped. Since then, it’s made me wonder: Do these early fictions teach us that it’s okay and sometimes preferred to lie and dupe ourselves? To tell “little white lies” or say yes when we want to say no? To pick a career that does not interest us because parents or society convince us that it is the only way to succeed? Or to choose a particular path because we think it will be the only thing we will be good at? Are we supposed to deny what we enjoy because others will judge us or we believe it’s wrong? When people are confused about what they want in life, the Clutter Remedy is an excellent process for recognizing personal truth.
For this reason, I always advise people to approach decluttering from the stance of “no judgment.” See clearly, be honest, and avoid blame. Foster unconditional love and regard for yourself. Be kind, no matter what you discover. By going through this process, you’ve committed to remedying the accumulated clutter in your space, and this usually requires seeing and addressing your inner clutter: the issues, emotions, pain, and untruths that led to it. No one, including yourself, is allowed to judge you, criticize you, or complain about how much you own, how you collected it, or what you will keep. No one should be eyeing your stuff for themselves. It’s your stuff and nobody else’s business. Accepting your clutter as you find it, without feeling shame or regret, is the optimal stance. This will help you see more clearly and will help you recognize any negative patterns and attitudes that you will want to work through prior to going through all your stuff. Focusing on blame and getting mired in judgment will only stress you out and bog you down.
One thing that helps make the experience fun and uplifting is to remember that everything you own was chosen for a reason. You acquired things with good intentions; they were useful or they served a purpose or you simply loved them. So when you look at your possessions objectively, ask yourself, “Why is this in my real estate? Why did I think this was a good idea?” You could have chosen certain items because they reminded you of good times. Or they were expensive items that conveyed a certain status you desired. We buy and keep items for lots of reasons. Some items you find during decluttering will remain useful and serve a purpose and still be loved, while some will make no sense at all. Remaining nonjudgmental and enthusiastic rather than ashamed and befuddled over your stuff is easier when you see how it relates to your core values. Remember, the goal of decluttering is to create an organized, satisfying, and productive lifestyle.
DEFINING YOUR UNIQUE CORE VALUES
Reflecting on what you truly value, and absorbing what your current life interests are, is the beginning and most important step to getting organized and knowing what to keep in your life. It’s a big deal and can feel daunting to articulate what you value in life. Before going through the decluttering process, ask yourself, “What do I love to do in life? What are my core values?”
Delving into your personal world helps you understand your personal effects and how they align with your life. Do you value relationships, children, money, power, career, fame, independence, travel, sleep, appearance, health, and/or spirituality?
To help identify what you truly want out of life, make a list of your top ten core values. For example, the core values you name could be intimacy, an ideal partner, relaxation, friendship, family time, optimal health, creativity, and a thriving business. They could include vacation time, increased income, particular hobbies, an ideal career, or an ideal social life.
Figuring out the top ten things you value will motivate you to make changes and to get organized. For instance, if you long for a relationship leading to marriage and children, but you will not invite a new person to your tangled home, are you ready to go forward with a relationship? Or do you value your independence more? If you value rest and sleep, why is there an abundance of stuff on your bed, so much so that you sack out on a bumpy couch instead? If you value travel, why are your receipts and paperwork for your taxes buried all over your home, leaving you hesitant to spend money on a vacation? If you value expanding your business, why is your office and your company car filled with junk mail, papers, unpacked boxes, and yesterday’s dry cleaning?
After naming ten core values, next make certain they reflect the aspirations that are most meaningful to you in your current life. Are they past desires, or what someone else wants for you, or things you believe you should value? You’re the only one who knows what you want out of life.
Now memorize your top ten core values, and contemplate what your life would look like with those ten core values developed and manifested in your life. Obviously, you want your values to align with your capabilities and be achievable, but reach high and imagine your wildest and most extraordinary dreams at this very moment. Now make a strong wish to have the top ten values fulfilled. Ask for these wishes to become present in your life. Write each of your top ten values as goals, and write three specific ways you will fulfill each one of them. Create a timeline to achieve them.
Values guide us in every aspect of our lives. Knowing your core values when choosing friends, a career, where to live, whether to have kids, how to raise kids, and what kind of home and lifestyle you want is key to getting what you truly want.
Focus on what you want without focusing on the inconsistencies between where you are in your current life situation and what you want for your future. Paint a vivid picture of your ideal lifestyle. If you value good health, what would a healthy lifestyle look like? What food would you eat? What kind of exercise would you do, and how often would you do it? If you value good friends, how would you find them? What would you plan to do with them, and what would you talk about? If you value furthering your career, how would you secure an interview? What kind of preparation would you make for the interview? How far would you be willing to travel? If you want a partner in life, how would you find them? What traits would you look for? What criteria would you have for an ideal partner?
By defining what you value, and imagining your ideal lifestyle, you create goals and a vision to aspire to. This will help inspire the hard work it will take to become and stay organized. You are giving yourself the freedom to create and enjoy the life you’ve always dreamed of. Yet know that lasting change requires strong motivation and willpower. Working on yourself before your space prepares you for the physical, emotional, and mental aspects of getting organized. It isn’t always easy to align what’s important to you with your actions, to create consistency in behavior for the pursuit of happiness, peace, tranquility, and excitement in our everyday life. But the minute you write down goals, take time to focus on them and make them happen. Goals are not meant to stay on paper; they are meant to write your life story.
Usually, being organized is not something someone will put on their top ten list of core values, but it is something everyone values to a certain degree. It will help inspire you to work harder on the decluttering process. Going from a so-so lifestyle to something grander and more opulent is exceptionally easy when you understand it’s attainable by using your imagination and when you don’t let clutter get in the way of your vision.
MAKING YOUR SECRET DREAMS AND ASPIRATIONS COME TRUE
For a variety of reasons, you can resist talking about your dreams and life goals. Perhaps you think they are unrealistic or you don’t feel worthy. Yet revealing any secret dreams is important in order to accurately assess your belongings and clear them out of your space. Stuffing dreams down inside often leads to stuffing up your life with things that don’t enhance, but rather thwart, your current life from moving forward. Secret dreams may involve building an empire or becoming an actor, writer, athlete, singer, or dancer. People often never mention their secret dreams even to a partner, a family member, or their closest friends. Secret dreams float