Eventually, the case went to court, and afterward, Linda told me the story, though at this point she could barely speak. An unexpected outcome had occurred. Out of the blue, one of Laura’s former foster parents, who was eminently suitable, had come forward. Laura had bonded well with her and her family, but at the time, she had not been able to stay long-term with them. This family only fostered children temporarily who were in crisis. After considering all the evidence, including this previous foster mom’s testimony, the judge awarded long-term custody to the previous foster family, who were now able and willing to have Laura. This was indeed a surprising outcome! Linda and I were overjoyed. About ten days later, Linda, now at peace, passed away.
Linda and I had no way of knowing if our meditation helped. But Linda felt really good about what she had been able to do from bed. Who knows what really happened? We were totally okay with not knowing.
Benefits of the On-the-Spot Meditations
Doing the On-the-Spot meditation is valuable in many ways. We can do a step of this transformative meditation anytime. For example, if we hear a parent speaking to their child in an angry voice, or see a news story about refugees fleeing violence, or see an accident on the freeway. This is not a substitute for concrete action in the world, but it does create an internal shift. Opening our heart, we intentionally send out kindness and love.
The “pith essence” or “On-the-Spot” method was taught to me in my traditional Tibetan training along with the long form. The On-the-Spot method can be used in any moment when you see suffering, whether it is in the grocery store, in traffic, or at a dance concert. I often practice the step Resting in Open Awareness when waiting in line or when enjoying nature. I also attempt to (practice, practice!) let go of my ego’s preferences if I am being confronted or am in a challenging conversation. This allows me to relax my defenses and open to what the other person is saying. Then I can hear them, and later I reflect on the value of what they said. We can do this anytime throughout the day to enhance mindfulness and clarity and to let go of unwholesome patterns.
You can start by doing an On-the-Spot meditation two or three times a day, such as at a certain time or during a certain activity. Then you might want to practice doing this many times a day, for example, whenever you stop at a red light, are doing the dishes, or are brushing your teeth. Some people set an alarm on their phone to remind them. We need to make good habits. If we find ourselves in a habitual pattern of irritation, we can remember the possibility that we can drop into resting in awareness for a moment or two. Over time this becomes helpful, as our mind learns how to calm down and relax.
Once we become accustomed to this, we can drop everything and come to a calm state of mind whenever we choose. When we are triggered emotionally, it may be hard to remember, it may take extra time, or it may not be possible at all until the habit of calm abiding is firmly established. “Calm abiding” is one of the translations of the Sanskrit term samatha. Another translation is “one-pointed concentration.” All meditation done with alertness and mindfulness develops calm abiding. This is good for lowering stress. In challenging situations, this enables us to step back from the emotional charge and allows our wisdom to emerge with greater clarity. Calm abiding can be simultaneous either with witness consciousness or with resting in awareness itself.
The Uniqueness of Love on Every Breath as a Tonglen Meditation
In the standard Tonglen, the meditator simply breathes in the suffering of others and then breathes out love and compassion to them. But this approach does not always work well for Westerners, who often find it difficult to get past the ego’s roadblocks. Many people, for example, don’t like the idea of taking in someone else’s suffering; they say, “I already have enough suffering. I can’t handle any more!” Therefore, they turn away from Tonglen, and the opportunity is missed.
Twenty years ago, a highly esteemed Western Buddhist nun, Jetsunma⁋ Tenzin Palmo, was visiting me during her world teaching tour. She was due to teach at a local Zen center one weekend and asked me, “What should I teach?”
“How about Tonglen?” I replied.
“Oh no, people don’t like Tonglen. They find it too hard.”
“Oh,” I said. “I have a special Tonglen from our Shangpa lineage. It changes what is difficult for people and makes it user-friendly!”
She asked me to teach it to her. After learning it, she said to me, “Oh, this is wonderful! May I teach it?”
I attended her teachings that weekend and was glad to see people openly receiving the teaching and not complaining about difficulty with their meditation. I have noticed the same with the many hundreds of people I have taught this meditation to over the years.
It has become clear to me in over forty years of practicing Tonglen, and in thirty years teaching it, that meditating on the embodiment of enlightened love, Chenrezig,** and on the vajra of light, not only increases one’s capacity for love but provides a doorway into experiencing one’s pure being.
Source of Love on Every Breath Teaching
Many sutras,*** commentaries, and meditation practices were brought from India to Tibet between the seventh and thirteenth centuries. Some of these focused primarily on developing and uncovering our innate love and compassion. Love on Every Breath comes from the Shangpa lineage, which, like all authentic Buddhist lineages, traces from disciple to guru, heart student to teacher, back to Buddha Shakyamuni in the fifth century BCE. A guru may have one or two, or occasionally more, heart students who have received and put into practice all their teachings. The gurus are usually accomplished yogis and scholars. As yogis, they are extensively trained in many kinds of meditation and physical yogas. As scholars, they are trained in Dharma and the inner science of the mind, philosophy and logic, medicine, creative arts, and language. The relationship of teacher and student is personal and direct and imbued with great love and mutual respect, though the training and interactions can sometimes take the form of “tough love.” In these cases a guru sees what is needed in order for the student to purify themselves and come to full realization.
The Shangpa lineage was started by a Tibetan, Kyungpo Naljor, who reportedly made the trek to India from Tibet seven times to receive teachings and transmissions from the most highly esteemed Buddhist gurus of eleventh- and twelfth-century India. Of these, he said that the kindest and most important to him were two Kashmiri women, Niguma and Sukhasiddhi, each of whom is said to have actualized full and complete awakening. Due to this they are both referred to as “wisdom dakinis.” The term dakini (or daka in the masculine form) covers a wide range.†† It means literally “sky dancer.” What does this mean? Wisdom dakinis have realized shunyata, the open, empty nature of reality, which is sky-like. They play in the sky of shunyata, serving as messengers of awakened compassion and as support for yogis and yoginis (or female yogis). Wisdom dakinis are completely awakened and may teach fortunate disciples. It was not easy for Kyungpo Naljor to become Niguma’s student. She rigorously tested him before accepting him. Her tests challenged his concepts about who she was, what he knew, and who he was.
Most of the meditations I practiced in my own three-year retreat were from these two women. It is a great gift that we have these meditations given by two awakened women. The feminine transmission of Niguma and Sukhasiddhi is very simple and direct. Their teachings focus on what is most essential. I received all the transmissions and empowerments of the Shangpa lineage from my guru, Kalu Rinpoche,‡‡ in 1982. Then the lineage holder, Kalu Rinpoche emphasized the universal nature of compassion meditations, and he was known for teaching many of the great Tibetan masters, as well as being considered a preeminent yogi-scholar and retreat master of the Tibetans in his generation. He also taught many kinds of people all over the globe, including Christian priests and adepts of other religions. He had great confidence in his raggedy band of former hippies, his Western students. I later received these transmissions again from the next primary Shangpa lineage holder, Bokar Rinpoche, in 2001, and again from Tai Situpa in 2009.
In the oral teachings I received from Kalu Rinpoche in his Darjeeling monastery, and in my traditional