Years ago, I met a peaceful warrior in an all-night gas station. His name was Socrates, and he once told me, “I’ve noticed three kinds of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch what happens, and those who wonder what happened.” Back then I was a skilled athlete, making things happen. But outside the gym—when I faced real-world dilemmas and decisions—I mostly watched and wondered.
And I was not alone.
Many of us live our lives by accident—stumbling into relationships, wandering into careers, searching for meaning, hoping and praying that we’ll get lucky in love, find our fortune, and stay healthy. I spent years like this, living at random, until I learned to live on purpose.
My education began the first time I asked Socrates a question. He shrugged his shoulders and said, “It’s the House Rules.” The “House” is Life, the Tao, the Universe, Reality; the “Rules” are universal laws or guiding principles. The House Rules presented in this book—distilled lessons from the school of life—provide reliable strategies for living on purpose.
Purposeful living embraces both reason and faith. Reason provides clear goals, while faith teaches us to trust the process of our lives. The Taoist sages remind us that flexibility overcomes rigidity—and just as a rushing stream flows around obstacles, so must our purposes adapt to the changing tides of life. Therefore, the House Rules are not rote formulas, but flexible reminders. In living on purpose and acting on principle we become like bamboo— strong yet supple—yielding to the forces we encounter, then snapping back on track.
The format of this book is also purposeful—designed for different learning styles, it provides easy access to these universal principles. Turn to any section and note that each section:
opens with a universal question followed by—
a House Rule;
a clarifying summary;
two related questions and answers;
a personal application page to bring that House Rule home.
Some of the questions in this book are deeply personal, while others touch universal themes; some express curiosity, while others cry out from the depths of despair. These questions come from real people around the world, and all reflect our common desires and dilemmas. The topics involve relationships, work, children, health, spirituality, psychology, values, and decisions. I have edited for readability, and eliminated correspondents’ names because their identity bears no relation to the larger issues raised.
My responses seem to come not so much from me, but through me. I do not, however, channel any discarnate warrior-sages from the fifth dimension, chat with God, or transcribe the dictations of astral guides. I claim only a gift of expression, an intuitive understanding of the House Rules, and an open heart. As the proverb goes, “There are no secrets where there’s love.”
Test these House Rules in your own experience; tailor them to fit your particular circumstance. You will find that they point the way to greater productivity, creativity, and fun, and show us how to live a more spiritual life in the material realm. God helps those who help themselves—and this is a self-help book. The better we become, the better we serve our world. By living on purpose and improving the quality of our lives, we become a source of light to others.
As one of the House Rules will later clarify, I can’t give you any wisdom you don’t already have inside you, but I can highlight your hidden strengths. And if this book stimulates self-reflection and insight—if you find yourself reaching within to find your own truths—then Living on Purpose will have served its purpose. As you turn these pages, keep faith in the higher truth that despite the dilemmas and difficulties of this world, our lives are a great Mystery, unfolding perfectly, in accord with universal laws, in the service of our awakening.
Dan Millman
Spring 2000
LIVING on PURPOSE
We are here to learn by expanding our awareness about the world and about ourselves. Learning about the world helps us to succeed. Learning about ourselves helps us to evolve. Our challenges in the arenas of relationship, health, and finances are all part of the curriculum. Daily life teaches us all we need to know for the next step on our journey. Each and every day, we find new lessons to learn.
Q: We grow up, attend school, earn a living, maybe get married and raise a family, go on vacations, provide a service, and live until we die. Isn’t this enough? Why all this interest in spirituality? What’s the point?
A: Most of us agree that life is a school in the sense that we learn many lessons. But if death is the end, what is the purpose of living in the first place? Questions about death may lead us to wonder about our lives. Are we a random experiment or part of a much bigger picture? One question leads to the next and all questions end in Mystery. Some of us turn to belief and faith; others simply wonder. And in this field of wonder grow the seeds of spirituality.
The greatest teaching is to live with an open heart. —Anonymous
At some point we may glimpse one of the fundamental lessons in the school of life: Our awareness resides, moment to moment, in one of two separate realities, each with its own truths. The first is conventional reality, which you describe in your question. The second is a transcendent reality—the spiritual dimension.
Most of the time, conventional reality monopolizes our attention with the stuff of everyday life—the challenges of education, earning a living, relationships, family, and health—everyday experience. Our dramas, played out in the theater of gain and loss, desire and satisfaction, seem entirely real and important. Conventional life involves the natural pursuit of satisfaction and fulfillment, which depends upon events unfolding in line with our desires, hopes, and expectations. In trying to make things work out, we suffer the pangs of attachment, craving, and anxiety.
We are involved in a mystery that passes understanding, and our highest business is daily life. —John Cage
Then one day—maybe through a trauma, a death in the family, an injury, or other adversity, we notice that conventional reality, even at its best, leads to dissatisfaction. We feel frustrated when we don’t get what we want, when we get what we don’t want, and even when we get exactly what we want, because in this world of mortality, we will lose all that we love.
Your daily life is your school, your temple, and your religion. —Kahlil Gibran
Adversity and psychological suffering stimulate a yearning to transcend the conditional world, to wake up and find the higher wisdom that uplifts our soul even as we live in the conventional world. Life’s challenging lessons generate a willingness to make a leap of faith, to relinquish familiar truths that no longer serve, and to venture into the unknown. As Anaïs Nin wrote, “Finally the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” In the school of daily life, spirituality is not separate from this world; it allows us to live an ordinary life while remembering the transcendent truths that set us free.
Q: I’m on a vision quest—searching for more in life than news, weather, and sports. I take yoga classes and meditate; last year I completed a four-hundred-mile bike trip in the hopes of triggering a spiritually elevated state. The trip gave me a temporary