lord goring
I think I shall, father.
lord caversham
I wish you would, sir. Then I should be happy. At present I make your mother’s life miserable on your account. You are heartless, sir, quite heartless.
lord goring
I hope not, father.
lord caversham
And it is high time for you to get married. You are thirty-four years of age, sir.
lord goring
Yes, father, but I only admit to thirty-two—thirty-one and a half when I have a really good buttonhole. This ·130· buttonhole is not … trivial enough.
lord caversham
I tell you you are thirty-four, sir. And there is a draught in your room, besides, which makes your conduct worse. Why did you tell me there was no draught, sir? I feel a draught, sir, I feel it distinctly.
lord goring
So do I, father. It is a dreadful draught. I will come and see you to-morrow, father. We can talk over anything you like. Let me help you on with your cloak, father.
lord caversham
No, sir; I have called this evening for a definite purpose, and I am going to see it through at all costs to my health or yours. Put down my cloak, sir.
lord goring
Certainly, father. But let us go into another room. [Rings bell.] There is a dreadful draught here. [Enter Phipps.] Phipps, is there a good fire in the smoking-room?
phipps
Yes, my lord.
·131· lord goring
Come in there, father. Your sneezes are quite heart-rending.
lord caversham
Well, sir, I suppose I have a right to sneeze when I choose?
lord goring
[Apologetically.] Quite so, father. I was merely expressing sympathy.
lord caversham
Oh, damn sympathy. There is a great deal too much of that sort of thing going on nowadays.
lord goring
I quite agree with you, father. If there was less sympathy in the world there would be less trouble in the world.
lord caversham
[Going towards the smoking-room.] That is a paradox, sir. I hate paradoxes.
lord goring
So do I, father. Everybody one meets is a paradox nowadays. It is a great bore. It makes society so obvious.
·132· lord caversham
[Turning round, and looking at his son beneath his bushy eyebrows.] Do you always really understand what you say, sir?
lord goring
[After some hesitation.] Yes, father, if I listen attentively.
lord caversham
[Indignantly.] If you listen attentively! … Conceited young puppy!
[Goes off grumbling into the smoking-room. Phipps enters.]
lord goring
Phipps, there is a lady coming to see me this evening on particular business. Show her into the drawing-room when she arrives. You understand?
phipps
Yes, my lord.
lord goring
It is a matter of the gravest importance, Phipps.
phipps
I understand, my lord.
·133· lord goring
No one else is to be admitted, under any circumstances.
phipps
I understand, my lord. [Bell rings.]
lord goring
Ah! that is probably the lady. I shall see her myself.
[Just as he is going towards the door Lord Caversham enters from the smoking-room.]
lord caversham
Well, sir? am I to wait attendance on you?
lord goring
[Considerably perplexed.] In a moment, father. Do excuse me. [Lord Caversham goes back.] Well, remember my instructions, Phipps—into that room.
phipps
Yes, my lord.
[Lord Goring goes into the smoking-room. Harold, the footman, shows Mrs. Cheveley in. Lamia-like, she is in green and silver. She has a cloak of black satin, lined with dead rose-leaf silk.]
·134· harold
What name, madam?
mrs. cheveley
[To Phipps, who advances towards her.] Is Lord Goring not here? I was told he was at home?
phipps
His lordship is engaged at present with Lord Caversham, madam.
[Turns a cold, glassy eye on Harold, who at once retires.]
mrs. cheveley
[To herself.] How very filial!
phipps
His lordship told me to ask you, madam, to be kind enough to wait in the drawing-room for him. His lordship will come to you there.
mrs. cheveley
[With a look of surprise.] Lord Goring expects me?
phipps
Yes, madam.
·135· mrs. cheveley
Are you quite sure?
phipps
His lordship told me that if a lady called I was to ask her to wait in the drawing-room. [Goes to the door of the drawing-room and opens it.] His lordship’s directions on the subject were very precise.
mrs. cheveley
[To herself.] How thoughtful of him! To expect the unexpected shows a thoroughly modern intellect. [Goes towards the drawing-room and looks in.] Ugh! How dreary a bachelor’s drawing-room always looks. I shall have to alter all this. [Phipps brings the lamp from the writing-table.] No, I don’t care for that lamp. It is far too glaring. Light some candles.
phipps
[Replaces lamp.] Certainly, madam.
mrs. cheveley
I hope the candles have very becoming shades.
phipps
We have had no complaints about them, madam, as yet.
[Passes into the drawing-room and begins to light the candles.]