PRINCESS.
He speaks not like a man of God his making.
ARMADO.
That is all one, my fair, sweet, honey monarch; for, I protest, the schoolmaster is exceeding fantastical; too-too vain, too-too vain: but we will put it, as they say, to fortuna de la guerra. I wish you the peace of mind, most royal couplement!
[Exit.]
KING.
Here is like to be a good presence of Worthies. He presents
Hector of Troy; the swain, Pompey the Great; the parish curate,
Alexander; Armado’s page, Hercules; the pedant, Judas
Maccabaeus:
And if these four Worthies in their first show thrive,
These four will change habits and present the other five.
BEROWNE.
There is five in the first show.
KING.
You are deceived, ‘tis not so.
BEROWNE.
The pedant, the braggart, the hedge-priest, the fool, and
the boy:—
Abate throw at novum, and the whole world again
Cannot pick out five such, take each one in his vein.
KING.
The ship is under sail, and here she comes amain.
[Enter COSTARD, armed for POMPEY.]
COSTARD.
‘I Pompey am’—
BEROWNE.
You lie, you are not he.
COSTARD.
‘I Pompey am’—
BOYET.
With libbard’s head on knee.
BEROWNE.
Well said, old mocker: I must needs be friends with thee.
COSTARD.
‘I Pompey am, Pompey surnam’d the Big’—
DUMAINE.
‘The Great.’
COSTARD.
It is ‘Great,’ sir; ‘Pompey surnam’d the Great,
That oft in field, with targe and shield, did make my foe to
sweat:
And travelling along this coast, I here am come by chance,
And lay my arms before the legs of this sweet lass of France.
If your ladyship would say ‘Thanks, Pompey,’ I had done.
PRINCESS.
Great thanks, great Pompey.
COSTARD.
‘Tis not so much worth; but I hope I was perfect.
I made a little fault in ‘Great.’
BEROWNE.
My hat to a halfpenny, Pompey proves the best Worthy.
[Enter SIR NATHANIEL armed, for ALEXANDER.]
NATHANIEL.
‘When in the world I liv’d, I was the world’s commander;
By east, west, north, and south, I spread my conquering might:
My scutcheon plain declares that I am Alisander’—
BOYET.
Your nose says, no, you are not; for it stands to right.
BEROWNE.
Your nose smells ‘no’ in this, most tender-smelling knight.
PRINCESS.
The conqueror is dismay’d. Proceed, good Alexander.
NATHANIEL.
‘When in the world I liv’d, I was the world’s commander;’—
BOYET.
Most true; ‘tis right, you were so, Alisander.
BEROWNE.
Pompey the Great,—
COSTARD.
Your servant, and Costard.
BEROWNE.
Take away the conqueror, take away Alisander.
COSTARD.
[To Sir Nathaniel.] O! sir, you have overthrown Alisander the conqueror! You will be scraped out of the painted cloth for this; your lion, that holds his poll-axe sitting on a close-stool, will be given to Ajax: he will be the ninth Worthy. A conqueror, and afeard to speak! Run away for shame, Alisander. [Nathaniel retires.] There, an’t shall please you: a foolish mild man; an honest man, look you, and soon dashed! He is a marvellous good neighbour, faith, and a very good bowler; but for Alisander,—alas! you see how ‘tis—a little o’erparted. But there are Worthies acoming will speak their mind in some other sort.
PRINCESS.
Stand aside, good Pompey.
[Enter HOLOFERNES armed, for JUDAS; and MOTH armed, for HERCULES.]
HOLOFERNES.
‘Great Hercules is presented by this imp,
Whose club kill’d Cerberus, that three-headed canis;
And when he was a babe, a child, a shrimp,
Thus did he strangle serpents in his manus.
Quoniam he seemeth in minority,
Ergo I come with this apology.’
Keep some state in thy exit, and vanish.—[MOTH retires.]
‘Judas I am.’—
DUMAINE.
A Judas!
HOLOFERNES.
Not Iscariot, sir.
‘Judas I am, ycliped Maccabaeus.’
DUMAINE.
Judas Maccabaeus clipt is plain Judas.
BEROWNE.
A kissing traitor. How art thou prov’d Judas?
HOLOFERNES.
‘Judas I am.’—
DUMAINE.
The more shame for you, Judas.
HOLOFERNES.
What mean you, sir?
BOYET.
To make Judas hang himself.
HOLOFERNES.
Begin, sir; you are my elder.
BEROWNE.
Well follow’d: Judas was hanged on an elder.
HOLOFERNES.
I will not be put out of countenance.
BEROWNE.
Because thou hast no face.
HOLOFERNES.
What is this?
BOYET.
A cittern-head.
DUMAINE.
The head of a bodkin.
BEROWNE.
A death’s face in a ring.
@@@
LONGAVILLE.
The face of an old Roman