‘It was rainin’ smart enough, an’ the evenin’ was darksome and gloomy, when my father got in; and what with the rain he got, and the holy wather he sprinkled on himself, it wasn’t long till he had to swally a cup iv the pottieen, to keep the cowld out iv his heart. It was the ould steward, Lawrence Connor, that opened the door — and he an’ my father wor always very great. So when he seen who it was, an’ my father tould him how it was his turn to watch in the castle, he offered to sit up along with him; and you may be sure my father wasn’t sorry for that same. So says Larry:
‘ “We’ll have a bit iv fire in the parlour,” says he.
‘ “An’ why not in the hall?” says my father, for he knew that the squire’s picthur was hung in the parlour.
‘ “No fire can be lit in the hall,” says Lawrence, “for there’s an ould jackdaw’s nest in the chimney.”
‘ “Oh thin,” says my father, “let us stop in the kitchen, for it’s very unproper for the likes iv me to be sittin’ in the parlour,” says he.
‘ “Oh, Terry, that can’t be,” says Lawrence; “if we keep up the ould custom at all, we may as well keep it up properly,” says he.
‘ “Divil sweep the ould custom!” says my father — to himself, do ye mind, for he didn’t like to let Lawrence see that he was more afeard himself.
‘ “Oh, very well,” says he. “I’m agreeable, Lawrence,” says he; and so down they both wint to the kitchen, until the fire id be lit in the parlour — an’ that same wasn’t long doin’.
‘Well, your honour, they soon wint up again, an’ sat down mighty comfortable by the parlour fire, and they beginned to talk, an’ to smoke, an’ to dhrink a small taste iv the pottieen; and, moreover, they had a good rousin’ fire o’ bogwood and turf, to warm their shins over.
‘Well, sir, as I was sayin’ they kep’ convarsin’ and smokin’ together most agreeable, until Lawrence beginn’d to get sleepy, as was but nathural for him, for he was an ould sarvint man, and was used to a great dale iv sleep.
‘ “Sure it’s impossible,” says my father, “it’s gettin’ sleepy you are?”
‘ “Oh, divil a taste,” says Larry; “I’m only shuttin’ my eyes,” says he, “to keep out the parfume o’ the tibacky smoke, that’s makin’ them wather,” says he. “So don’t you mind other people’s business,” says he, stiff enough, for he had a mighty high stomach av his own (rest his sowl), “and go on,” says he, “with your story, for I’m listenin’,” says he, shuttin’ down his eyes.
‘Well, when my father seen spakin’ was no use, he went on with his story. By the same token, it was the story of Jim Soolivan and his ould goat he was tellin’— an’ a plisant story it is — an’ there was so much divarsion in it, that it was enough to waken a dormouse, let alone to pervint a Christian goin’ asleep. But, faix, the way my father tould it, I believe there never was the likes heerd sinst nor before, for he bawled out every word av it, as if the life was fairly lavin’ him, thrying to keep ould Larry awake; but, faix, it was no use, for the hoorsness came an him, an’ before he kem to the end of his story Larry O’Connor beginned to snore like a bagpipes.
‘ “Oh, blur an’ agres,” says my father, “isn’t this a hard case,” says he, “that ould villain, lettin’ on to be my friend, and to go asleep this way, an’ us both in the very room with a sperit,” says he. “The crass o’ Christ about us!” says he; and with that he was goin’ to shake Lawrence to waken him, but he just remimbered if he roused him, that he’d surely go off to his bed, an’ lave him complately alone, an’ that id be by far worse.
‘ “Oh thin,” says my father, “I’ll not disturb the poor boy. It id be neither friendly nor good-nathured,” says he, “to tormint him while he is asleep,” says he; “only I wish I was the same way, myself,” says he.
‘An’ with that he beginned to walk up an’ down, an’ sayin’ his prayers, until he worked himself into a sweat, savin’ your presence. But it was all no good; so he dthrunk about a pint of sperits, to compose his mind.
‘ “Oh,” says he, “I wish to the Lord I was as asy in my mind as Larry there. Maybe,” says he, “if I thried I could go asleep;” an’ with that he pulled a big arm-chair close beside Lawrence, an’ settled himself in it as well as he could.
‘But there was one quare thing I forgot to tell you. He couldn’t help, in spite av himself, lookin’ now an’ thin at the picthur, an’ he immediately obsarved that the eyes av it was follyin’ him about, an’ starin’ at him, an’ winkin’ at him, wheriver he wint. “Oh,” says he, when he seen that, “it’s a poor chance I have,” says he; “an’ bad luck was with me the day I kem into this unforthunate place,” says he. “But any way there’s no use in bein’ freckened now,” says he; “for if I am to die, I may as well parspire undaunted,” says he.
‘Well, your honour, he thried to keep himself quite an’ asy, an’ he thought two or three times he might have wint asleep, but for the way the storm was groanin’ and creakin’ through the great heavy branches outside, an’ whistlin’ through the ould chimleys iv the castle. Well, afther one great roarin’ blast iv the wind, you’d think the walls iv the castle was just goin’ to fall, quite an’ clane, with the shakin’ iv it. All av a suddint the storm stopt, as silent an’ as quite as if it was a July evenin’. Well, your honour, it wasn’t stopped blowin’ for three minnites, before he thought he hard a sort iv a noise over the chimley-piece; an’ with that my father just opened his eyes the smallest taste in life, an’ sure enough he seen the ould squire gettin’ out iv the picthur, for all the world as if he was throwin’ aff his ridin’ coat, until he stept out clane an’ complate, out av the chimley-piece, an’ thrun himself down an the floor. Well, the slieveen ould chap — an’ my father thought it was the dirtiest turn iv all — before he beginned to do anything out iv the way, he stopped for a while to listen wor they both asleep; an’ as soon as he thought all was quite, he put out his hand and tuk hould iv the whisky bottle, an dhrank at laste a pint iv it. Well, your honour, when he tuk his turn out iv it, he settled it back mighty cute entirely, in the very same spot it was in before. An’ he beginned to walk up an’ down the room, lookin’ as sober an’ as solid as if he never done the likes at all. An’ whinever he went apast my father, he thought he felt a great scent of brimstone, an’ it was that that freckened him entirely; for he knew it was brimstone that was burned in hell, savin’ your presence. At any rate, he often heerd it from Father Murphy, an’ he had a right to know what belonged to it — he’s dead since, God rest him. Well, your honour, my father was asy enough until the sperit kem past him; so close, God be marciful to us all, that the smell iv the sulphur tuk the breath clane out iv him; an’ with that he tuk such a fit iv coughin’, that it al-a-most shuk him out iv the chair he was sittin’ in.
‘ “Ho, ho!” says the squire, stoppin’ short about two steps aff, and turnin’ round facin’ my father, “is it you that’s in it? — an’ how’s all with you, Terry Neil?”
‘ “At your honour’s sarvice,” says my father (as well as the fright id let him, for he was more dead than alive), “an’ it’s proud I am to see your honour tonight,” says he.
‘ “Terence,” says the squire, “you’re a respectable man” (an’ it was thrue for him), “an industhrious, sober man, an’ an example of inebriety to the whole parish,” says he.
‘ “Thank your honour,” says my father, gettin’