For the Love of Freddie
‘My name is Dee and I live in Kenya. I have felt compelled to write to you since reading your book An Angel Saved My Life. My own son died on 28 February of this year, very suddenly and unexpected; he was only twenty-two months old. His name was Freddie Musena, Musena meaning “Friend”. Freddie was born here in Africa, and my husband and I were able to give Freddie all the love and sunshine that anyone could have in a lifetime.
‘Freddie was born without all four limbs, in fact he didn’t have one joint, hip or shoulder in his body, groin or underarms. You may remember last year little Freddie was in the British newspapers a lot, because we were trying to obtain a visa for him to come to the UK for medical treatment and assessment, and possibly even limbs in the future. Because Freddie was Kenyan like my husband, and I am British it was very difficult getting the visa. This year, a day before his second birthday he had an appointment at Queen Mary’s hospital in London to be fitted with limbs, but very sadly, he never lived to make the appointment.
‘Freddie came to us at the age of ten days after a children’s officer came to see me. He explained that there was a baby in the hospital for his own safety. Some local people thought the baby should be killed due to his condition. In this area in particular, people are very superstitious about these things.
‘The instant that I heard of Freddie I wanted him, and the very next day I called the hospital. I took a step towards this very small, limbless baby, who was lying in a bed big enough for an adult, and my first thought was, “Can I do this,” and the next thought was of pure love for this beautiful child.
‘I brought him home and life began for all of us! In the short time that he was with us (we officially adopted him) he showed not only the communities here, but indeed all of Kenya that there is life after disability. His, “never say never” attitude was just amazing.
‘The day that he died we were on the way to the hospital with him. He was lying over my shoulder which is the place he loved to be. He somehow came right into my neck, and kissed it. I brought him down to look at him and he looked right back at me before he closed his eyes and passed away, just like that. It was so very peaceful but at the same time, a real shock, and very unexpected. That night as he lay in his cot, women from the community came round and we all sat around him. The women sang with amazing voices.
‘The next day he still looked perfect, just as if he were asleep, in the way he always slept. He looked just the same and it was hard to believe that he had died because he looked so healthy. Even his colour was the same.
‘From the first day that we brought Freddie home we used to place him on our veranda and he would look up and smile, sometimes getting really excited. Of course, we couldn’t see anything, so we used to say he was playing with the angels, which I now feel that he firmly was. After Freddie died, over 300 people attended his funeral which showed me that he and his disability had finally been accepted by the community.
‘The day after his funeral, we walked out onto the veranda. All around one of the bottom steps was a row of white feathers. At that time I knew nothing about the connection people have with white feathers and angels, in fact it was the film Forrest Gump I thought about, the part where the white feather floats down.
‘A few days later, I woke during the night to smell the most overpowering smell of lavender. I knew Freddie was there because I’d washed him in lavender soap gel before we buried him. Then later I found confirmation in one of your books about the smell of lavender and other flowers being another sign from the angels and those on the other side.
‘I have just returned from the UK where I was visiting my children there. They too were devastated over the death of their brother Freddie. While I was in the country I saw your book on a shelf and I bought it. I read it and then felt happiness, as I knew Freddie will never be alone, which was one of my great fears. I want him to still feel the love that we have for him, but I also want him never to be alone.
‘We have many children here. I have an orphanage and rescue centre, a school and clinic, and Freddie liked nothing more than to play with the children. The children loved him. They also knew him as a boy who loved all nature and flowers.
‘While I was in the UK my husband Sammy stayed in Kenya. One day, he took the flowers off Freddie’s grave. It was raining and he didn’t want them to spoil (some of them are silk). Freddie is buried very close to us under his favourite mango tree. Sammy moved the flowers at 6.30 pm but at 6 am the next day he went into the garden and was totally shocked to see the whole grave covered in fresh flowers. Sammy asked everyone if they had put flowers onto the grave, but no one knew anything about it. We are not sure if the flowers were from Freddie or the angels. Freddie’s grave is only four steps from our veranda and I am sure Sammy would have heard if anyone had been outside, so it was very strange.
‘Then, on another occasion, soon after his passing, we were watching television when the lights kept going on and off for maybe a second or two. The strange thing is that the TV and my computer were not affected at all, just the lights. We have many power cuts in Kenya and it is always my poor computer that suffers, except this time … nothing.
‘I was sitting at my computer looking at the screen saver three nights ago. It is a picture of Freddie, a very beautiful one of him smiling his most wonderful smile. I said to him as I used to always say, “Mammy loves you, do you love your mammy?” The printer went off, then on again all on its own. Jacky, I wasn’t even touching the computer, just talking to Freddie as I always do.
‘My daughter in England also had a special relationship with Freddie. On Saturday she sent me a text message from her car because she felt that she needed to tell me immediately about what had just happened to her. She was driving to a road junction where she stopped and happened to look up and see what she thought was snow. In fact, coming closer was a mass of white feathers which landed on her car. I thinkshe was in a bit of shock, but I told her it was lovely becauseFreddie was also looking after her.
‘The week after Freddie died we went to his church mass. I carried his bib with me and it was decorated with the words “I Love My Mummy”. I had placed the bib, along with his favourite t-shirt, in the zip-up side of my handbag, so that I could have them close to me in the church. After we got home, I put my bag away, leaving the t-shirt and the bib inside. The next morning I looked down at Freddie’s bed (which is close to ours), and neatly folded on the bed was the bib! I still have no idea how it got there. Strangely, I still had Freddie’s t-shirt in my handbag!
‘I was very angry when Freddie died because he was so happy and doing so much. But now I have to believe that he was sent to us on a mission, which he completed with great success. I am so happy that God gave us Freddie, and the chance to show everyone that a child born like Freddie is a blessing, and not something to be hidden away as if he were a curse.
‘Since Freddie died the Vice President of Kenya has announced that he wants a full census of all disabled people. That has never happened before. I would like to think that it’s through Freddie that this has happened. I used to welcome all media including television to visit us and do updates. The whole of Kenya knew who Freddie was, and what I was trying to do to help other disabled children here.
‘Freddie’s last gift was to a child who we found out about just before Freddie died. It was the wonderful gift of “limbs”. This baby was eight months old and was born without arms. Freddie has always had a fund for his own treatment. About three days after Freddie died I was sitting looking at his flower-covered grave when this little boy’s name popped into my head. I decided there and then that Freddie’s gift to this world was to ensure that at least one other child would benefit from my child’s passing.
‘When I was in the UK I started to make arrangements for this child to go to the UK to be assessed and given arms. I have contacted his parents, who love him and want the best for him, they are so happy. But I have made it plain that it is Freddie’s gift to James, and that I am only working through Freddie and what I feel he told me he wanted to do!
‘A magazine in the UK which featured Freddie’s story is going