‘You must be Elaine!’ I went to open the door and helped her in with her suitcase that was almost as big as she was. ‘How lovely to meet you at last. Come on in and make yourself at home. We’re very glad to welcome you. Helena is upstairs with our other guests Nancy and Vivienne, although I think Vivienne was going to have a nap.’
Elaine took off her fingerless mittens and unwound her woolly scarf.
‘What a lovely house – lots of character in these old half-timbered places. You can almost feel the history can’t you? If these walls could talk eh? I bet there would be a few tales. Do you know, I was saying to Frank the other day …’
Oliver’s door opened again at this point and Oliver stood there, his face dark and irritated.
‘Ah,’ I said.
‘Coffee?’ he said. ‘Today?’
‘Of course, sorry I was just getting Elaine settled. This is Elaine by the way. She’s …’
Oliver closed his bedroom door again with a noticeable slam.
‘… the one whose bedroom you nicked,’ I finished.
‘He’s in my room?’ Elaine said, and turned her worried round face to look at me.
‘I’m sorry; it seems he’s injured his ankle. He’s in one of those boot things. He just went in there before I could stop him. I would have got him out but he’s not very friendly.’
‘No,’ Elaine said looking at the closed door thoughtfully. ‘He’s not very polite either is he?’
I stood up and went to make a cafetière of coffee and poured out a cup for Elaine. She was busy looking through her handbag and pulling out paperwork, charging cables, spectacles, and all sorts of odds and ends.
I found one of those awful oversized mugs decorated with a slogan for chocolate that usually come with Easter eggs and are really only useful for storing pencils. I put it on the tray with the cafetière and went and knocked on Oliver’s door.
‘Come.’
I went in. He was still sitting with his feet up on the footstool, writing in his notebook. He didn’t look up as I came in.
‘Leave it on the table,’ he said.
‘Please,’ I muttered.
He seemed not to hear.
‘Anything else I can get you?’ I said.
‘I want lunch at one-thirty,’ he said.
Oh do you?
‘Yes, Pippa said you did. Well we generally have it ready from one, as we explained in the joining notes. But just come out when you’re ready and help yourself. Everything will be out on the table. I’m making vegetable soup …’
‘I’d prefer it in here,’ he said.
Oh would you? Would you indeed?
Well I’d prefer to be a stone lighter and six inches taller.
I’d prefer to drive an Aston Martin.
I’d prefer to have swishy, glossy hair instead of this unmanageable brown mop.
I plastered a smile on my face and moved the table closer to his chair so he could reach it. I’d made him an eight-cup cafetière in a rather sarcastic way; if he got through that lot before lunch he’d be crashing off the ceiling.
‘Fine, of course. Whatever you want. It would be nice to meet the others though wouldn’t it?’
He looked up, his expression stony. ‘What others? I didn’t know there would be any others. Is that what all that noise is?’
‘Oh, but I told you …’
‘Pippa assured me I would have the house to myself. I made it perfectly clear what I wanted. I assumed she had listened. I assumed you had.’
Assume? Hmm.
I started to edge away from him and towards the safety of the kitchen. ‘Pippa must have misunderstood. I could give you a hand to get to the table if you need one?’ I said.
He looked up and fixed me with a dark blue stare. The sort my school sports teacher used to give me when I said I had forgotten my gym kit for the fourth time.
‘I don’t need a hand,’ he said, ‘just lunch. At one-thirty. Is your name really Billie? What’s that short for then? Wilhelmina?’ He gave a snort of amusement.
‘No, actually it’s short for Billericay,’ I said sadly. ‘It’s been a complete nightmare all my life.’ I bit my lip and looked away.
He had the grace to look embarrassed. ‘Really? I’m so sorry, I mean I didn’t mean …’
I took pity on him. ‘I’m kidding. It’s short for Sybilla, which is just as bad really isn’t it?’
He didn’t answer.
I went back to the kitchen and when I had closed the door I’m afraid I stuck my tongue out at him.
Elaine was still rifling through her capacious handbag and pulled out some printed emails with a little harrumph of satisfaction.
‘Look, I did ask for the ground-floor room. I thought I had. Is there another one perhaps?’
‘No, I’m afraid not, Elaine. I am sorry. I feel terrible. Obviously, I will put you into a really nice room as near the stairs as possible and refund the price difference you’ve paid. Sorry.’
Elaine smiled and cocked her head towards Oliver’s bedroom door. ‘It’s fine, dear; I can see how you’re fixed. I’ll just have to manage. Don’t you worry. I expect it will do me good; I’m getting very lazy these days.’
‘Well thank you for being so understanding, Elaine.’
I took her case up to the room. It was at the top of the staircase, a pretty room above the kitchen with a delightful leaded dormer window overlooking the garden. The single bed was high and stately with a deliciously plump duvet and pillows. I was suddenly tired and I could have crawled in for a power nap myself given half a chance.
Elaine was delighted. I introduced her to Nancy and Vivienne and I left them to settle in while I went back downstairs to finish off blending the soup and unwrapping the cheese. I took a glorious wedge of Stilton and waved it at Oliver’s room in a gesture of defiance – and of course at that precise moment he opened his door and caught me in the act. Oh FFS.
He stood and raised his eyebrows at me and I froze, the cheese in front of me like an axe head.
I started to wave it around. ‘Just airing it,’ I said, ‘like you do.’
‘I’ve not seen that done before,’ he said, narrowing his eyes.
‘Really?’ I put it behind my back. ‘Can I get you anything?’
‘No, I was just wondering what the Wi-Fi code was?’
‘It’s all on the welcome sheet,’ I said, briskly efficient. ‘One was left on your bedside table.’
‘Was it? I hadn’t noticed.’ He looked around vaguely.
You mean you didn’t try looking. Give me strength, why do I bother?
I went to fetch it. ‘Here we are. The Wi-Fi code is there under the section headed Wi-Fi code. See?’
His mouth twisted a little. ‘So it is.’ He went to close the door and then hesitated. ‘Thank you.’
Good grief!
Helena came downstairs.
‘Everything OK?’
‘Perfect,’