Notice the times that you are inclined to insist that others do it your way or take the highway. Lao-tzu tells us that the leader with this attitude is the least effective and most despised. Your leadership style may tend to create fear with statements like, “I’ll punish you if you don’t do it my way.” Lao-tzu tells us that fearbased leaders are poorly qualified to genuinely lead. The leader whose motivation is to bask in admiration, according to Lao-tzu, is still not a master at leading. This style might say, “I’ll give you a reward if you do it the way I want you to.” The true leader acts in such a way as to be hardly known in the entire process. This leader offers trust, encouragement, and congratulations as others find their own way.
When our lawmakers tell us what we need, or use scare tactics to predict dire consequences, or attempt to get us to act out of admiration for their leadership, they are not true leaders. To qualify as true leaders they must silence themselves and hear the populace express, “Yes, we created this great economy ourselves.”
And so it is with you also. To be a true leader in your own life, and in the lives of others, practice resisting the need to be recognized. Lead unobtrusively, offering trust whenever possible. Gently smile at your ego’s desire to take credit and silently acknowledge your true leadership when you hear others say, “Oh, yes, we did that ourselves.” Here are some suggestions for applying the wisdom of Lao-tzu:
Before acting, stop and ask yourself if what you are about to say is going to create hate, fear, admiration, or self-awareness. Choose to nurture self-awareness.
Act on your desire to be a true leader by being as quietly effective as possible. Catch someone doing something right!
Become aware that it is the ego part of you that is suggesting you are a failure. Rather than seeing yourself as a failure when no credit comes your way, remind yourself that you have succeeded as a leader, and good-naturedly let your ego know that this is the way to successful leadership.
Do not be desirous of having
things done quickly. Do not
look at small advantages.
Desire to have things done
quickly prevents their being
done thoroughly. Looking
at small advantages prevents
great affairs from being
accomplished.
CONFUCIUS
(551 B.C.–479 B.C.)
Confucius was a Chinese teacher and philosopher whose philosophy strongly influenced Chinese life and culture for over two thousand years.
I have this quote from the ancient Chinese teacher and philosopher Confucius pasted above my typewriter as a gentle daily reminder not to do anything that will prevent “great affairs” from being accomplished. It seems to me that we have a great deal to learn from our nature about how we hinder our greatness. Yet it is our nature that we often ignore in favor of what our mind tells us is the way things ought to be.
Patience is a key ingredient in the process of the natural world and in our personal world. For instance, if I scrape my arm or break a bone, the healing process proceeds precisely at its own pace independent of any opinion I may have about it. That is the natural world at work. My desire to have it fixed quickly is of absolutely no consequence. If I apply that impatience to my personal world, I will prevent it from healing thoroughly, as Confucius advised over twenty-five centuries ago. Shakespeare matched the wisdom of this ancient Chinese predecessor when he wrote, “How poor are they that have not patience! What wound did ever heal but by degree?”
When I was a child, I remember planting some radish seeds in springtime. When early summer arrived I noticed green leafy shoots protruding above the ground. I watched them grow a bit taller each day and finally I could stand it no longer and I began to tug at those radish shoots, trying to get them to grow faster. I had not yet learned that nature reveals its secrets on its own time schedule. As I pulled at the little leaves, they emerged from the ground sans radishes, and my childish impatience to have this thing done quickly prevented it from happening at all.
Now, when I am asked if I am disappointed because one of my books did not appear on a best-seller list as my earlier books did, I think of this observation of the wise Chinese sage, “Great things have no fear of time.” What a compliment it is to the genius of Confucius that his words are still being quoted and his knowledge still being applied twenty-five hundred years after his departure. I too write for those souls who have yet to materialize, and if that means sacrificing the small advantage of a position of prestige on a list somewhere today, my impatient ego may be puzzled, but I am content!
There is a line in A Course in Miracles that perplexes anyone who is imprisoned by ego because it appears to be a contradiction. The line reads, “Infinite patience produces immediate results,” and it echoes the twenty-five-hundred-year-old advice that you are reading about here. Infinite patience describes the condition of faith or absolute knowing. If you know with a complete absence of doubt that what you are doing is consistent with your own purpose and that you are involved in accomplishing a great affair, then you are at peace with yourself and in harmony with your own heroic mission. The sense of peace is your immediate result and is a state of enlightened bliss. Thus infinite patience takes you to a level of faith where doing things quickly is of no interest. You shift out of the need to see the results right now, just as when you know that your cuts, scrapes, and injuries will heal as your nature dictates, rather, than as your impatient self dictates.
This kind of knowing has aided me immensely in my writing and in all of my life work. With my children, I am not always overly concerned with a test score or a subpar performance as it registers in this moment because I can see the bigger picture in their lives. As the Oriental proverb, perhaps inspired by the words of Confucius, says, “With time and patience the mulberry leaf becomes a silk gown,” so do I think of my children as silk gowns in the making. Certainly we savor the small advantages in the here and now. However, I also know that any current setbacks will enhance rather than tarnish their greatness.
Impatience breeds fear, stress, and discouragement. Patience manifests in confidence, decisiveness, and a feeling of peaceful satisfaction. As you look at your own life, examine how frequently you demand an immediate indicator of success for yourself and others and attempt instead to see the larger picture. When you are on purpose and see the larger picture, you are able to let go of an inclination to seek validation in the form of merit badges and immediate applause.
My experience with addictions and overcoming them may parallel some of your life situations. While still being addicted I would think about quitting the addictive substance, such as caffeine or alcohol. Then I would look for a small advantage, such as no drinking for one day, and when that was accomplished, I would let up on my vigilance and go back to a cola or a beer to celebrate. By looking at my small victories I was preventing the job from being done thoroughly. When I developed infinite patience with myself I turned the whole thing over to God and remembered how perfect God had always been with me, even in my lowest moments. By being infinitely patient I could see that toxic substances interfered with my highest purpose and life mission, and I left those addictive ways behind me.
Make no mistake about it, all my thoughts about quitting, all my trials and failures—those “small advantages” as Confucius calls them—were part of the process of purification. By being patient with myself I could stay patient even with those small victories, and thus they did not deter me from my greater accomplishment. I allowed the process to move at its own pace, and today I can see clearly how getting rid of impatience gave me the ability to move to a level that I never imagined when I kept congratulating myself for my little victories and then retreating back to defeat. If you