Making Divorce Work: In 9 Easy Steps. Keith Barret

      This can lead to great problems for the friends and families of those couples who have chosen not to divorce and can lead to the syndrome known as Why Not Me?, or The Why Not Me? Syndrome, or WNMS. This is a feeling of exclusion, a feeling of not fitting in, a sense of not belonging, and can prove quite debilitating. For our purposes in this step we are concerned primarily with the WNMS experienced when our parents didn’t divorce but stayed together. Typically the child of this sort of marriage will have experienced a set of conditions similar or identical to those detailed below:

       Happy, contented well-matched parents.

       A feeling of security and emotional well-being.

       Rosy glow childhood memories.

       A lack of psychological intricacies or hang-ups.

       Joyous family get-togethers/meals/reunions.

       Wise advice.

       Frequent telephone conversations with parents.

      These conditions will be more than familiar to sufferers of Happy Parent, Why Not Me? Syndrome, or HPWNMS.

      HPWNMS

       (Happy Parent, Why Not Me? Syndrome)

      Case Study

       For the purposes of this case study I have reprinted a letter I received from Angela Coulthard, a twenty-eight-year-old lady, living in Kent. She has a good job, a loving husband, two daughters that she dotes on and a top-of-the-range Chrysler car with power steering and tinted windows. Yet she feels unhappy. She mentions her parents in her letter and their plans for another trip to Egypt, even after a pair of hip replacement operations! There’s also an offer for Angela and her family to go with them on the trip. Here’s Angela to tell us more…

       Dear Keith,

       I am a 28-year-old lady, living in Kent. I have a good job, a loving husband, two beautiful daughters on whom I dote and a Chrysler Grand Voyager with power steering and tinted windows. On the surface I seem to have everything. So why am I so unhappy? It’s not as if I come from a broken home. My parents recently celebrated forty happy years together and even after joint hip replacement operations are currently planning their second trip to Egypt; they’ve even offered to take us along!

       Why am I not happy?

       Please help …

       Yours,

       Angela Coulthard

      This letter is typical of many that I have received and highlights an alarming case of Happy Parent, Why Not Me? Syndrome. Angela, if you’re reading this (I didn’t reply), please don’t despair, I’m about to show you that you’re not alone and that there are steps you can take to escape this jungle of contentment. She points out that she doesn’t come from “a broken home”; that’s OK, it doesn’t matter. I myself am not the product of a broken home but that didn’t stop me from producing one. It’s all part of HPWNMS; here’s some background:

      Sufferers of HPWNMS find themselves increasingly marginalized in today’s society All around they see images of parental discord: in the newspapers, on the radio, on the soap operas, families split up and torn asunder, tears, anger and recrimination. Vows broken, promises forgotten, irons thrown; at home they see nothing of the sort. It is said that people watch the soaps for many reasons, not least to see themselves reflected on the screen, to see their lives writ large. In the old days this was possible. Think of the idyllic family set-up portrayed in The Waltons, Little House on the Prairie, even Upstairs Downstairs with its now outdated class-ridden hierarchical household, nevertheless showed people basically getting on, up to a point. This gave the unhappy in society something to aspire to and the happy something to identify with. Nowadays the television is a constant source of conflict, from Albert Square to The Rovers Return, even genuinely groundbreaking television programmes like Changing Rooms often end in a furious bust-up.

      It is easy to see how the happy child of happy parents can begin to experience feelings of alienation and unease, made all the worse by the fact that these feelings are occurring while the person is happy. Therefore adding confusion to the list of problems. So what can be done for these people? Some would say that they should see their situation for what it is, something to be proud of