The Pocket Book of Death. Rob DenBleyker

Karma Works Its Magic

      Draco, the notorious Athenian statesman, is best known for writing out the laws of ancient Greece. It was rumoured the laws were actually written out in blood, and the most typical punishment for breaking the ‘Draconian’ laws was the death penalty. Whether you committed murder or stole an apple, you weren’t going to live long enough to feel remorse.

      But don’t worry too much about old Draco. His followers were so overjoyed with his progress that they tossed their hats and cloaks on him at the Theatre of Aegina in a dramatic show of appreciation. In fact, the response was so overwhelming that Draco actually suffocated under the flood of Grecian outerwear. Such a shame.

      A Tough Break

      In its first incarnation, the hanging method used to execute people was so ineffective that it could take up to twenty minutes for a person to strangle to death by suffocation. As countries moved toward more humane measures of execution, the victims were dropped from a longer distance which would break the neck and dislocate the spinal cord, making for a quicker execution.

       ‘MAYBE WE SHOULD LOWER IT ABOUT 12 FEET OR SO?’

The Morbid Facts

       ‘Always go to other people’s funerals otherwise they won’t go to yours.’

       Yogi Berra

      

Global warming has brought soaring temperatures throughout the world, but you’re still more likely to die from exposure to excessively cold conditions than from excessively hot ones. Give it a few years.

      

Transportation accidents are still the number one cause of accidental deaths, but don’t discount the power of your own two feet … over 18,000 people died from a nasty fall in 2003.

      

More pedestrians are killed in accidents every year than motorcyclists.

      

Venomous snakes and spiders might look more threatening, but you’re still more likely to die from the nasty stinger of a hornet, wasp or bee.

      

You’re almost twice as likely to die from lightning than from an earthquake.

      

African Americans have nearly twice the risk of having a first-time stroke compared to whites.

      

Compared to African Americans and whites who are under 19 years old, Native Americans have the highest death rates for car accidents, pedestrian injuries and suicide.

      

Native Americans are more than twice as likely to die in motor vehicle accidents than whites and nearly twice as likely as African Americans.

      

If you’re under 35, you’re more likely to die from some kind of accident than from any medical condition.

      

A variety of different factors can contribute to your death … smoking, heredity, how frequently you drive, your sex, medical conditions, lifestyle … the list goes on. The breakdown on the next page from The National Safety Council and National Geographic will give you an idea of the statistical average of some of the ways in which Americans died in 2003.

       ‘OH GOD, THAT WAS MY STINGER!’

       ‘THAT’S SO UNHEALTHY.’

      How Will You Die? Chances Are …

       Heart Disease

      1 in 5 chance you’ll eat too many burgers and never get on the treadmill.

       Cancer

      1 in 7 chance you’ll smoke too much, tan to a leathery demise or cop it through bad genes.

       Stroke

      1 in 24 chance that a stroke will get you if you miss out on the cancer.

       Motor Vehicle Accident

      1 in 84 chance some idiot will hit you. Or you’ll be the idiot.

       Falling

      1 in 218 chance you’ll take a fatal spill and cause someone to feel really guilty when their first instinct was to burst out laughing.

       Firearm assault

      1 in 314 chance you’ll go down in a hail of bullets.

       Bicycling Accident

      1 in 4,919 chance you’re not Lance Armstrong.

       Drowning

      1 in 1,008 chance you’ll think the current is ‘not that strong.’

       Air/Space Accident

      1 in 5,051 chance that it’s not a friendly sky.

       Alcohol Poisoning

      1 in 10,048 chance you’ll just take the ‘edge off’ – permanently.

       Lightning

      1 in 62,468 chance you’ll regret saying you wished you had more energy.

       Fireworks Discharge

      1 in 340,733 chance you’ll take off more than a finger with that M80.

      And since no one has yet found a cure for death, you’ve got a 100 per cent chance of dying. You can put money on that one.

      Accidents Happen

      

It’s physically impossible to kill yourself by holding your breath. Well, unless you’re under water.

      

Oh, and on that note, an average of nine people a day die from drowning in the US.

      

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