Watching the Tree: A Chinese Daughter Reflects on Happiness, Spiritual Beliefs and Universal Wisdom. Adeline Mah Yen

War in the nineteenth century, Taoism as an organised religion declined and faded away. However, its influence is deeply etched in the Chinese psyche. Many Taoist temples, gods, legends, fairy-tales, ceremonies, festivals and traditions have not only survived but are still celebrated in China as well as in Chinatowns all over the world. In addition, the teachings of Lao Zi and Zhuang Zi have left to Chinese thought their lasting legacy of agnosticism, scepticism, tolerance and detachment.

       4 Do Not Do to Others What You Do Not Wish Others to Do to You

      

JI SUO BU YU, WU SHI YU REN

      The earliest act of filial piety I ever witnessed involved my father. My grandmother (Nai Nai) was still alive and I must have been about four. A French relative of my stepmother, Niang, had given her a beautiful red and gold tin of expensive imported bonbons. Each chocolate was wrapped in silver foil and studded with bits of crunchy nut. After dinner Niang opened her gift and showed off the tempting sweets. However, she presented a candy to each of the grown-ups only.

      As we five stepchildren salivated, she closed the lid with a final snap of her wrist. ‘I’m afraid there isn’t enough to pass around,’ she announced. ‘These chocolates are very special and came from Belgium. They are made with the best eggs, butter, sugar, chocolate and nuts. My brother-in-law had to stand in line for twenty minutes at Kiessling’s to buy them. Now they’re already sold out. I must reserve the rest for your father’s important guests. You children are not to touch them, do you hear? Otherwise your father and I will be very angry.’

      We nodded but our eyes lingered longingly on the sparkling box. Big Brother (Gregory), who was Nai Nai’s favourite, ran over to her and begged in a whisper to have a tiny little bite of hers. She could never resist him and even though the chocolate was halfway into her mouth, she bit off a piece and gave it to him. Big Brother then picked up the wrapper and licked it clean.

      That night I was awakened from a deep sleep by loud voices from downstairs. I crept out of bed and stood by the banisters to watch. Second Older Brother (Edgar) was cowering between Nai Nai and Father on the landing below and sobbing uncontrollably. He was dressed in pyjamas and his face was covered with blood. From their conversation, I gathered that Second Brother had got up in the middle of the night to help himself to the forbidden sweets. Niang surprised him in the act and summoned Father, who rushed down and caught him trying to escape. In his anger, Father slapped Second Brother so hard that he caused a tear in his scalp with his ring.

      Hearing Second Brother’s cries, Nai Nai had tottered down in her small, bound feet to protect him. ‘Stop it! Stop it!’ I heard Nai Nai shout in her quavering voice. ‘How dare you go on beating him when I ordered you to stop?! Just because he took some candy! Look at all the blood! Are you trying to kill him? Why don’t you kill me first?’

      There was a short silence. Father hung his head.

      ‘Don’t you remember the words of Confucius?’ Nai Nai continued. ‘The body and hair and skin are received from your parents and may not be harmed. Here you are, beating your own son almost to death because of a few chocolates. If you didn’t want him to be tempted, why were the sweets shown to him in the first place? When you were growing up, did anyone ever beat you like that?

      ‘You heard me ordering you to stop as I came down the stairs and you still went on! How dare you! You are an unfilial son to disobey me! Kneel down! Kneel down and apologise! Remember the words of Confucius! Being unfilial is the worst crime!’

      Then I saw my father fall slowly to his knees in submission to my grandmother.

      For over 2000 years Confucius had a greater influence on China than any other individual. He was a philosopher, not a prophet, and Confucianism was a way of life, not a religion. His word was law and a quote from Confucius ended all arguments. He taught that xiao

(translated as ‘filial piety’) was the root of virtue and the origin of culture. A more accurate description of xiao is ‘filial devotion’ or ‘the dominance of elders in the relationship between parents and children’. Morality in China was based on this singularly Confucian concept.

      Confucius was born in 551 BC in the state of Lu, which is now the province of Shandong in north-eastern China. His surname was Kung

. The name Confucius is a latinised version of ‘Grand Master Kung’ (

Kung Fu Zi). Confucius’ father died three years after his birth and he was brought up by his impoverished mother. Though he was from a noble and educated family, he was without rank and made his living as a book-keeper, working for the government. He was married and had children. The Analects, a book of his sayings written by his disciples, reveals the living Confucius as a fussy and demanding man. When food was mushy or not cooked according to his taste, he refused to eat. When ginger was used to flavour his food, he refused to eat. When rice was spoilt by heat or damp, he refused to eat. When vegetables were not in season, he refused to eat. When meat was not sliced properly or a dish served without its proper sauce, he refused to eat. When wine or shredded meat were purchased ready-made from the market, he refused to eat. Rice could never be white enough and minced meat could never be chopped fine enough. Consequently, according to his students, he did not eat much, and after some years his wife left him.

      By all accounts, he was athletic and adept in sports such as archery, hunting, fishing, driving chariots and riding. He had a passionate temperament and described himself as ‘a person who forgets to eat if he is enthusiastic about a project; someone who becomes unaware of worries or the approach of old age when happy.’ Once, after listening to a piece of music, he was so overcome that, for three months, he could not taste meat, saying, ‘I never thought music could be so beautiful.’

      During his life China was only nominally united under the royal house of Chou (1122–256 BC). The various states were in effect miniature kingdoms, each with its own ruler, court, bureaucracy and army. The kings fought battles against each other almost as a past-time, while oppressing and mercilessly taxing their subjects to finance their wars.

      Distressed by the misery and chaos, Confucius resigned his post and spent the next fifteen years teaching. Gradually, a group of young men gathered around him and became his disciples. He studied the character of each and sought to develop the total man by teaching him how to think and find answers for himself. He conversed with his students and these dialogues were recorded by them in The Analects. Of his followers, more than half were ultimately successful in obtaining government posts in different states.

      In his dialogues, whenever Confucius used the word ‘world’, he meant the Chinese world. When he used the term jun zi

(ideal person), he meant men and not women. He was a misogynist and treated women as second-class citizens who should stay home and perform household chores. Once he declared that ‘only uneducated women were virtuous’. On another occasion he identified females as ‘little people’ (

xiao ren), suggesting that the two were similar.

      At the age of fifty Confucius was given a high post in the government of his native state of Lu, supposedly as the Minister of Justice and Assistant Minister of Public Works. However, it was a ceremonial post without authority and he was unable to put any of his ideas into practice. After four years he resigned in disgust and spent the next thirteen travelling from state to state in search of an enlightened ruler who would appoint him as chief administrator. He was imbued with the belief that he had a ‘heavenly mission’ to carry out political and social reforms. However, no ruler would employ him, and he spent the last five years of his life teaching in his