That warm Mediterranean night, we kissed and held each other for what seemed like forever. Paul pressed himself against me and I knew what he wanted to happen next, but I couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t sleep with him while everything was still uncertain. I’d only known him for about five months, and although that might be ages for some people, I’d had years with Dave and only Dave. I wasn’t going to fall into bed without some guarantee.
We walked back to the apartment. Even though we were going to sleep in the same apartment, it would be in different beds. ‘Lindsey,’ Paul said just as we opened the door. ‘It’s you, Lindsey, I want to be with you.’ I could feel all the hairs on my arms stand up as he said it. ‘I’m going to finish with Gemma once and for all. As soon as we get back to Leeds, that’s it. Then, you and me – we’re a couple.’ He kissed me again and poked me in the ribs, smiling. ‘You can’t hold out forever, Lindsey – look at me. I’m bloody irresistible!’
For the last bit of the holiday, everything was perfect. I told Nicky what had happened, and she acted as if we’d just announced that we’d won the lottery. Paul and I spent all our time together after that, but I still kept it to kissing and cuddling. He was right – to me, he was irresistible. I couldn’t help myself. It was as if I had turned a corner and noticed what was there all along – I was besotted. I wouldn’t let Paul know that though – not yet!
The flight back to Leeds was uneventful but, for me, there was a feeling that something important was about to happen. Paul and I smiled at each other a lot, and Nicky grinned like a Cheshire cat. I knew that the pattern with Gemma and Paul falling out and making up wasn’t going to be an easy one to break, and I might need patience. He’d tried to end it with her before, but now that he had definitely decided that he wanted me, he had a focus. I didn’t feel badly that he was breaking up with her because I’d asked him to. They didn’t seem to be making each other happy and hadn’t for a long time, so they were both going to be better off apart.
When we got off the plane, I told Paul that I would speak to him the following weekend. I didn’t want to be chasing him up every day asking if he had finished with Gemma yet. He’d said he would do it and that was good enough for me. I wanted to give him a bit of space and some time to think about his decision, and then the chance to carry it through the best way he saw fit.
I came out of the arrivals gate and saw Mum and Dad waiting for me with big smiles on their faces. I’d missed them just as much as they’d missed me. Paul had met them informally a few times when he’d picked me up from home, or when he was hanging around with Nicky, but he was just one of the gang then. Now, he was my boyfriend-to-be. As everyone greeted each other, I had an idea.
I wasn’t the kind of girl to have temporary boyfriends, and if Paul was to be my official boyfriend there was something he’d have to do for me. I’d been with Dave for years and part of the reason that worked was that he got on so well with my mum and dad. It was obvious: it was time for Paul to meet my parents properly.
I got through the week at work somehow, and only spoke to Nicky on the phone. We didn’t go out anywhere as we were both short of funds after the holiday. I didn’t ask her how she thought Paul was getting on, but she did say that while he was round at her house he didn’t call Gemma at all. I wasn’t too worried anyway. It had always been my philosophy that it’s useless to waste time worrying about things you can’t change, and this was no exception. I was mad about Paul but if he didn’t split up with Gemma, that was his choice and I’d just have to learn to live with it.
However, on Saturday morning the telephone rang at just after seven o’clock. It was Paul, and he could hardly contain himself. ‘Lindsey!’ he shouted. ‘I did it. I finished with Gemma!’ I was delighted, but it was early and he’d caught me unawares. ‘Oh, Paul, that’s fantastic, babes – did you have to let me know so early though?’ He said that he’d been keen to let me know before I went to work so he’d set his alarm. This was impressive stuff from the boy who could sleep for England. Mind you, I didn’t fool myself – he’d go back to bed for the rest of the day while I did the Saturday brides.
We arranged that he’d meet me from work that night, and when he hung up, I was so excited I could barely get ready. ‘Who was that on the phone?’ Mum asked when I went down for breakfast. ‘Oh, that was Paul,’ I told her. ‘Nicky’s cousin?’ ‘Yeah,’ I said nonchalantly. ‘What did he want at this time of the morning?’ asked Mum, confused. ‘We were just working out what time to meet tonight.’ Mum said something about how nice it was that we all got on so well together and I mentioned – very casually! – that it would just be me and Paul going out. That got her attention. ‘Didn’t I say? Paul’s my boyfriend now.’ I thought that would work and it did. ‘Oh, Lindsey – you’ll have to bring him round for Sunday lunch! Next week – how does that sound? We’ll have to get to know the lad a bit better,’ she said and went off to tell my dad.
I got through the day with a knot of excitement in my stomach and changed in the back room of the salon before Paul arrived to meet me. I saw him through the front window of the shop and he was just gorgeous. And mine, I thought to myself. When I went out, he gave me a big kiss and cuddle and we headed off for a few drinks in town before going to an Italian restaurant for a lovely meal. He wasn’t too keen to talk about how things had gone with Gemma so I didn’t press him, and I decided to break the other news to him once he’d got a bit tipsy.
‘What are you doing next Sunday, Paul?’ I asked.
‘Nothing. Why?’
‘Oh, it’s just that Mum and Dad want you to come round for your Sunday lunch.’ As I said it, the colour seemed to drain from his face.
‘Lunch with Big Bad G?’ he asked. It was a nickname that he’d decided on for my dad from when we all first started hanging around together. Dad wasn’t that big and he certainly wasn’t bad, but Paul seemed to think that he was some sort of cartoon character always on the lookout for anyone who might mess with his girls.
‘Paul!’ I reprimanded. ‘Stop calling him that! He’s just my dad.’
‘Yeah – but I’m the one hanging around Graham Fell’s precious little girl,’ he replied. ‘He could kill me, you know.’
‘My mum and dad are so laid back; you’ve got no worries there, they’re lovely people. As long as I’m happy, they’ll be happy.’
He was still uptight. ‘God, Linz,’ he said. ‘Will I have to use lots of different knives and forks? Will there be loads of different cutlery? And what will the food be like? Will I want to eat it – is it fancy? And will it all be in bowls and I’ll have to help myself? Can you fill my plate for me, Linz, just in case I spill stuff? And can you shove the cutlery towards me that I’m meant to use?’
I couldn’t really understand what he was on about but he did seem genuinely worried, not just winding me up. What was the problem? ‘It’s just that you’ve been brought up so differently to me, Lindsey,’ he explained. ‘Your family life, your parents, your background – it’s not what I’m used to and it makes me nervous.’
Was that it? Did he think he’d make a fool of himself? And did he think my parents were the sort who’d be so shallow that they wouldn’t like him if he used the wrong knife? I suppose, like most kids, I’d always assumed that I had the same life as anyone else, the same type of parents and the same luck. As I got older, I realized that I had been wrong to think this.
Actually, I was the luckiest girl in the world. From the moment I screamed my first scream in August 1975, I was at the heart of a family so loving and so strong, they would give me all the ammunition I would ever need