It was clear to Holly that this trip was going to be more than just another assignment. It was changing Tom’s perspective on life and that would no doubt affect his career. Although Holly had glimpsed Tom’s future, she had never really seen beyond his grief to understand what might or might not be happening to him on a professional level. He had obviously taken up the anchorman role, judging from the paperwork she had seen in his study, but she had also seen his scrawled notes on the scripts, their angry tone suggesting it wasn’t a job he enjoyed – and now she was beginning to understand why.
As Holly arrived at the teashop, she had to put her fears for Tom to one side. He wasn’t the only one causing concern.
‘We’re worried about you,’ Jocelyn told her.
They were sitting at a table in the teashop, which was in a rare state of calm, midway between the breakfast mania and the lunchtime rush. Lisa was prepping some food in the back and the only customers in the place had already been fed and watered. The teashop was filled with the welcoming aromas of freshly baked croissants.
‘Would that be you and Billy, by any chance?’
‘If someone as socially inept as Billy can sense there’s something wrong, then there’s something to worry about,’ Jocelyn replied.
‘Well, we both know exactly what it is I have to worry about.’ Holly was picking at a few crumbs around the Danish pastry Jocelyn was trying to force-feed her with.
‘Have you decided what you’re going to do in the next few months?’ It was Jocelyn’s turn to look worried.
‘I have to avoid conceiving Libby, I know that and it’s not going to be difficult. I have contraception injections every three months and my next one would be due in November. The plan I agreed with Tom was to stop the injections and start making babies at the end of this year. Now, thanks to the moondial, I have to keep that appointment, don’t I?’
‘The moondial gives you a window which looks out onto your future, but it’s you that has to make the life-changing decisions,’ Jocelyn told Holly. ‘It’s a big responsibility, I know that, and I’m here when you need me, but I can’t make those decisions for you. I won’t make them for you, not when your own life is at stake.’
Holly knew that Jocelyn was the only person who could really understand the torture she was going through. For Holly, the options were somewhat easier to put into effect than it had been for Jocelyn, but the burden of the decision weighed just as heavily. ‘Did you have to manage on your own? Was the gardener the only person who knew?’
‘Even Mr Andrews didn’t know everything; I was too ashamed to tell him exactly what I had seen. For a long time I kept the secret of my future to myself, but eventually I told my sister Beatrice. She helped and influenced where she could but it was still down to me to navigate my own way into the future. The burden was mine and mine alone.’
‘I understand and I wouldn’t let you take any of my burden either. You don’t want someone’s life on your conscience,’ Holly concluded, but then blushed when she realized how thoughtless the comment was under the circumstances.
‘I don’t want anyone else’s death on my conscience. One is enough.’
‘I’ve spent the last week or so trying to find a way to wriggle out of this deal with the moondial. Don’t look so worried,’ Holly added, seeing the look of alarm growing on Jocelyn’s face. ‘I know I can’t try to hold onto Libby without risking someone else’s life. I wouldn’t only be risking my life. I know I could just as easily be risking Tom’s.’
‘That’s why I won’t tell you what to do. I’m so sorry, Holly, you have to make your own choices and live with the consequences. But don’t go playing games with the dial and don’t let your guard down. Please, Holly, not when you’re playing with people’s lives.’
‘I wish I’d never uncovered the cursed thing.’
‘If it gets to save your life, then it’s a gift not a curse, but be careful. Don’t forget about the choice of path not being free. Remember that raindrop on the window,’ she warned.
‘You think it’s going to take more than simply making an appointment at the doctor’s to avoid conceiving Libby?’ Holly’s frown matched Jocelyn’s.
‘Sometimes you change the circumstances around events, but then they still happen. Remember what happened at Hardmonton Hall? Edward went to great lengths to protect the Hall from a fire, but all it did was change the cause of it.’
‘You’re not putting my mind at rest, Joss!’ laughed Holly, but the laugh was hollow and laced with fear.
Jocelyn sighed in quiet submission to the will of the moondial. ‘I just believe that there’s a universal balance and I know without a doubt that changing the future isn’t easy. If the moondial has taught me anything, it’s taught me that there’s less chaos in the world than we might think. People spend so much time wondering whether they should turn left or right. They don’t realize that they’ll end up in the same place anyway.’
‘But the future can be changed,’ countered Holly, a familiar sense of panic rising in her chest.
‘Yes, and that’s why there’s a price to be paid.’
‘I’m scared, Jocelyn,’ confessed Holly. ‘I’m scared that I have to spend the rest of my life paying the price. I’m scared the moondial intends to take away not just Libby but any other child I may have. What kind of life am I going to lead if I can’t ever have children? Will Tom still love me?’
‘I may have met him only once, but that man will always love you, I’m sure of it,’ replied Jocelyn firmly.
Before Holly had a chance to dwell on her fears the bell hanging above the door of the teashop tinkled, announcing the arrival of new customers. Lisa was at the far end of the small kitchen, still busily chopping vegetables.
‘Duty calls,’ Jocelyn said with a sigh as she pulled herself to her feet. Wincing in pain, she added, ‘I think I’m still recovering from that walk of ours. I really shouldn’t put myself through these long shifts any more.’ Although she was in her eighties, Jocelyn worked just as hard as someone half her age and despite her creaking bones the teashop seemed to charge her energy levels rather than drain them.
‘You should get more help in here,’ Holly told her.
‘If that’s an offer, then I accept,’ Jocelyn said with an air of triumph.
Holly opened her mouth to speak but did an impression of a fish on a line gulping for air, as she tried her best to think of a way to get herself out of the trap Jocelyn had set. ‘If I didn’t know better, Jocelyn, I’d say I’d just been set up.’
‘If you didn’t know better, you’d say no and go home to wallow in your misery.’
Holly’s eyes narrowed as she thought about the offer and tried her best to ignore Jocelyn’s exaggerated moans and groans as she shuffled along the table.
‘I still need to keep my mornings free to work in the studio. And do you have any idea what a complete novice I am in the kitchen?’ warned Holly.
‘All the more reason to start putting in some practice,’ retorted Jocelyn.
‘Would you like me to start right now?’ offered Holly.
‘No, tomorrow afternoon will be soon enough.’
Holly was reluctant to move. She glanced at the young family who had settled at one of the