They upset salt over everything, and as for the butter! After George had got it off his slipper, they tried to put it in the kettle. It wouldn’t go in, and what was in wouldn’t come out. They did scrape it out at last, and put it down on a chair, and Harris sat on it, and it stuck to him, and they went looking for it all over the room.
“I’ll take my oath I put it down on that chair,” said George, staring at the empty seat.
“I saw you do it myself, not a minute ago,” said Harris. Then they started round the room again looking for it; and then they met again in the centre, and stared at one another.
“Most extraordinary thing I ever heard of,” said George.
“So mysterious!” said Harris.
Then George got round at the back of Harris and saw it.
“Why, here it is all the time,” he exclaimed, indignantly. “Where?” cried Harris, turning round.
“Stand still, can’t you!” roared George, flying after him. And they got it off, and packed it in the teapot.
Montmorency was in it all, of course. Montmorency’s ambition in life is to get in the way and be sworn at.54 If he can be anywhere where he particularly is not wanted, and make people mad, and have things thrown at his head, then he feels his day has not been wasted. To get somebody to stumble over him, and curse him steadily for an hour, is his highest aim and object; and, when he has succeeded in accomplishing this, his egotism becomes quite unbearable.
He came and sat down on things, just when they were wanted to be packed; and he laboured under the fixed belief that, whenever Harris or George reached out their hand for anything, it was his cold, damp nose that they wanted. He put his leg into the jam, and he worried the teaspoons, and he pretended that the lemons were rats, and got into the hamper and killed three of them before Harris could calm him with the frying pan.
The packing was done at 12.50; and Harris sat on the big hamper, and said he hoped nothing is broken. George said he was ready for bed. We were all ready for bed. Harris was to sleep with us that night, and we went upstairs.
We tossed for beds, and Harris had to sleep with me. He said:
“Do you prefer the inside or the outside, J.?”
I said I generally preferred to sleep inside a bed.
Harris said it was old.
George said:
“What time shall I wake you fellows?”
Harris said:
“Seven.”
I said:
“No – six,” because I wanted to write some letters.
Harris and I had a bit of a row over it, but at last split the difference, and said half-past six.
“Wake us at 6.30, George,” we said.
George made no answer, and we found that he had been asleep for some time; so we placed the bath where he could fall into it on getting out in the morning, and went to bed ourselves.
1. Read the chapter and choose the correct answer.
1. The friends decided not to take
a) a methylated spirit stove.
b) an oil stove.
c) a frying pan.
2. The friend were against any cheese because
a) they don’t like cheese.
b) George suggested eggs and bacon.
c) it smells too strong.
3. People, seeing the narrator’s empty carriage, would
a) go into another carriage.
b) stay at the station.
c) rush for it.
4. Tom’s wife wanted to
a) eat the cheeses.
b) bury the cheeses.
c) keep the cheeses in a moist place.
5. In case the friends got upset they took
a) a bottle of whisky.
b) some lemonade.
c) beer and wine.
6. The thing that haunts the narrator when he is travelling is
a) his boots.
b) packing.
c) his tooth-brush.
7. The narrator finally shut the bag at
a) 10.00.
b) 10.15.
c) 10.50.
8. George and Harris started packing with
a) squashing a tomato.
b) breaking a cup.
c) stepping on things.
9. Montmorency pretended that
a) the lemons were rats.
b) Harris could calm him.
c) he was helping with packing.
10. The friends agreed to wake up at
a) 6.00.
b) 6.30.
c) 7.00.
2. Learn the words from the text:
significant, scenery, reply, scent, grumpy, compartment, consider, widow, orphan, wander, strap, occur, pretend, waste, aim, accomplish, unbearable, exclaim, crowded, attached.
3. Practice the pronunciation of the following words.
4. Fill in the gaps using the words from the text.
1. You can’t tell … you are … apple-pie or German sausage, or strawberries and cream. It all … cheese.
2. I … not think they would … … it, if one of the men … put a handkerchief over the horse’s nose.
3. She said that she … sure of that, but that she … speak to Tom about it when he … back.
4. I replied that he … directed they were to … … in a moist place.
5. I … take the children and go to a hotel until those cheeses … … .
6. My friend, after … everything …, found that the cheeses … … him eight-and-sixpence a pound.
7. I impressed the fact upon George and Harris, and told them that they … … leave the whole matter entirely to me.
8. If he can … anywhere where he particularly … not wanted, and … people mad, and … things thrown at his head, then he … his day … not been … .
9. The packing … … at 12.50.
10. George made no answer, and we found that he … … asleep for some time.
5. Match the words with definitions.
6. Find in the text the English equivalents for:
один мой друг, многозначительный взгляд, в конце поездки, переполненный поезд, быть сильно