Due to my age and experience, I preferred not to be considered to any category. I like the members of the cat family: tigers, lions, cats. They’re people with their own convictions, ideas, opinions and the way of thinking; people who like cats are always on their own, and each of them is unique and special; people who are not flocking in a pack, a crowd, a political party, a caste, a tribe or a family united by the same sound in the family name.
India has awakened me from forty years of sleeping when I first got to Hampi. There came an understanding, that the world is fragmented and impermanent. I felt like a tiny puppet among the centuries-old granite rocks of bizarre shapes looking like some giant decorations in a puppet theatre. Even casual conversations, advertisement on the way, insignificant small things were influencing me. I know myself the puppet systems, already had the experience of controlling them, but in Hampi, I’ve traded places with a puppet master, found my place of strength. And I’ve cut the threads from an illusory puppet master, artificially imposed by the modern repressive traditional world, as I’d got realized that even without them everything i interconnected in this world. I just need to pay attention to every detail, to tune in and surrender to Nature.
I understood that it’s useless making plannings for the life or thinking over big changes, but I need to act here and now inspired by new emotions and fresh impressions. We all tend to change as time goes on. I am individuality who is able to model my movement trajectory on my own, but not passively accept whatever, trying to fit in some stable prearranged order.
Exactly in Hampi, it struck me, that our personal greater good comes not from limitations and social roles we take, but from our bright and radical ideas, which undermine all social conventions, pushing forward the boundaries of our mind and its opportunities. Yes, I’ve decided, great changes are about to take place. Keep on moving forward! No plans!
Sitting in a really warm and comfortable Moscow apartment with uninterrupted electricity, gas and water and looking through my recent photos from the Indian trip, I’ve been smiling to the future. By that, the Universe was sending me its signs. All that was left was to read them and to decipher with a help of my intuition. What a strange meaning the words have taken! Almost twenty years ago when I was clawing my way into the metropolitan life for me and my son, I worked according to my vocation of the puppet theatre actress, lived independently avoiding the manipulative controlling from my mother and it used to be enough. That time I’ve been convinced, that everything was going according to the plan. And now the question arose: “What kind of job could I possibly get in India to have the opportunity to stay there?”
While still in sunny Goa, I had bought at the bookstore the entire series ofchildren’s books “Akbar and Birbal” for my further self-study of English, and that’s when I’ve made the optimistic decision- coming back to live and work in India. I’ve certainly been an optimist. “Optimists have their dreams come true, and pessimiststheir nightmares.” B. Show. I’ve myself set off some remote control at me, and with my own hands was switching my programmes. And all the programmes were showing only my sense of purpose. In any source of the information I used to find only the confirmation of the rightness of my decision.
“The only way to live good is leaving those places where you feel bad. Don’t change your dreams only because you don’t know how to make them true.
Only three things make a person happy: love, an interesting work and an opportunity to travel.” Bunin. Listen to your heart and act how your intuition tells you and you will find your way.
“Life is like a blank canvas. It’s up to you how you want to paint it. Just paint what you want. And don’t listen to those who don’t know how to paint. Not that one is happy who has all the best, but that one who extracts the best from what he has.” Confucius.
Even opening my diary from two decades earlier, I got into the pages with the Victor Tsoy quotes from my youth: “There’s no prison more scaring than that one inside your head”, “I am a free man as I always did what I liked and never did what I didn’t like”, “Our hearts demand changes”. Yes, life would be very tragic if it were not so funny. I was laughing. Browsing through never-ending advertising websites in search of work, I’ve come across the right vacancy. A new job as a tour guide. I felt quite capable for that role, and also it seemed an interesting job to do suited to my mentality and character. All things were incredibly successful. The biggest part of obscure issues of my future has taken the form of a happy ending. That’s for sure, to there where someone is waiting for us we arrive just in time.
Soon I’ve been invited for an interview. I wasn’t surprised by that. Who searches, always finds. That was bound to happen. After the meeting, the place of my work has been defined- a tourist guide in the North Goa. Hurrah! The training course has been started, it added to my English lessons also daily classes on India culture and history. The reading list I was searching all over Moscow, rare books I ordered over the Internet. I read and wrote down all the information, systematized dates and events, discovered for myself so many new things. I was running all over town from one training to another, barely remembering to fill the car. In order to catch the happiness, you have to know how to run. Success in life and self-realization are possible only at a fast speed.
I approached the completion of my plan knowing that its realization would definitely change my life for the better. I had no doubt in its achievement, unconditionally believing in myself, my own strength and courage. Also, I’ve held sacred my faith that I’m able to fight for my love. First of all, I’ve made my bet on true feelings for making my life complete with a true relationship.
“Any human will bring us sufferings. We just need to find someone worthy of our sufferings.” Bob Marley said. “A relationship is not a goal and not a reason for living, but just an instrument for a full healthy life. The only purpose of communication is collaboration, co-creation.” V. Sinelnikov
I’ve started taking each day of my life as a precious gift offering to me. I’ve simply accepted the game with my arising wishes in the same manner as the Arabian Sea was playing with its beloved waves in the vastness of the Indian Ocean. I believed, that a real and decent man inevitably would feel me and wish to stay with me until the end. Just because.. I’m such woman.
A happy free woman!
“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” Confucius.
According to your faith be it done to you.” – those are words from the Bible. Jeff Foster convinced, and I join him, that we are bound to get in this life those things in which we believe. We must know that we not always will have answers to our questions, but it doesn’t mean that we’re lonely in this world. We must understand that the life not always will have a meaning or go according to our plans, but it doesn’t mean that we won’t be able to find what we’ve been looking for so long. Whatever we wanted will find us in right time, when we are destined to get it, and when we’re ready to accept that gift. We just need to let go, to clear the way, to have faith. And allow what is meant to be ours, find us.
Life is not necessary a soap opera with endless drama and troubles. There is always some space for changes at any time, any moment of life, and I’ve become to notice that the range of new opportunities and unexpected chances around me expanded. Daily lectures on India history and