“You did what you thought best.”
The bitter taste of defeat filled Sara’s mouth. Every day since Gary had walked out, the fight to survive had grown more difficult. At first it was almost as if he’d taken everything good with him. But now she knew that, too, was a lie. Using pretty words and a too-sexy smile, Gary had made her think things were great. Eventually she’d seen through the illusion he’d painted.
Now she had a reason to go on. Jessica was the only good and decent thing left in Sara’s life. Fresh tears ran down her cheeks, but she couldn’t summon the energy to wipe them away.
The adrenaline rush she’d felt after Jessica’s birth had deserted her. The need to lie down and curl into a ball tugged at her, but she refused to give in.
Cal cocked his head to the side and looked at her. “Listen to me, Sara. Dr. Moore said this deal with Jessie is just one of those things that happens sometimes. None of it is your fault.”
“I’d never intentionally do anything to harm Jessica.”
“I know you wouldn’t.”
Sara bowed her head. She hadn’t had a chance to get to know her own mother, who had died in childbirth. She’d had no mothering, no one to learn from until the fourth grade when her father had returned to the rodeo circuit, sending Sara to live with her maternal grandmother. Despair settled like a rock in her stomach. “Maybe I’m not fit to be a mother.”
Cal pushed away from the wall and ambled toward her, his boot heels marking off the distance between them, his musky cologne embracing her. He paused beside her. “I never figured you for a quitter.”
Her head snapped up and she glared at him. “I’m not.”
He caught a tear running down her cheek on the tip of his finger and looked at her, his eyes filled with challenge. “Could’ve fooled me.”
Sara didn’t know why she even bothered to argue with the cowboy. “I’m not crying. It’s postpartum depression. Surely you’ve heard of it.”
“You know,” he said, giving her a cocky grin that deepened the dimples bracketing his mouth. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a mare suffering from that particular malady.”
A warming sensation wound its way through her. She wondered about this man who seemed so different from any she’d known.
The door opened, and Jessica’s cries filled the room as a nurse maneuvered a bassinet inside. Sara’s heart swelled. When she tried to ease off the bed, Cal clasped her about the waist and lowered her to stand on the floor. She pushed his hands aside. “Quit it. I’m not helpless.”
“Never thought you were.”
She dismissed him and hurried to her child as fast as her sore body would allow.
The nurse pointed to a chair. “Why don’t you have a seat and I’ll hand your child to you.” After Sara complied, she settled Jessica in Sara’s arms and smiled. “If you need anything, hon, just ring the nurses’ station.” The woman left, pulling the door closed.
Sara nuzzled a cheek against her infant’s tiny head and inhaled the sweet baby scent. All her worries melted away.
“You gonna cry again?” Cal sat on the edge of the hospital bed and stretched his long legs out in front of him.
She glanced at him. “I don’t think so. I’ve got my baby now. She’s what I needed. She’s all I’ll ever need.”
With that Sara tugged on the top tie at the back of her hospital gown. She bared her shoulder and paused, her gaze riveted on Cal. “I know one udder is pretty much like another, but I’m kind of new at this and…”
Sara tried to ignore Cal’s wicked grin, but couldn’t. Heat filled her cheeks as he continued to watch her. She sighed. “Cal, I can’t do this with you staring.”
His gaze flicked over her again, and the corner of his mouth twitched. He slid off the bed and sauntered across the room, pausing beside her. “Sara, I’ve seen you from the inside out. There’s no reason to be embarrassed now, but I need to go, anyway. I just dropped by to check on you and Jessie.”
Sara tried not to notice the hurt expression he wore and the way he lingered at her side. “Thanks, Cal,” she said, clearing the tightness from her throat. “I appreciate everything you’ve done.”
After a moment, Cal nodded. With long strides, he ambled to the door, pulled it open and stepped into the hall. The door closed behind him with a quiet click.
After putting Cal from her mind, Sara cleansed herself, then lifted her child who instinctively began to nurse. A sharp rap on the door sounded as Cal entered.
She grabbed a receiving blanket and covered her exposed breast. “Cal!”
His gaze settled on the flannel covering. Heat climbed Sara’s neck, and she wished he’d look away.
Finally, he removed his hat and fingered the brim. “I—I’ll swing by later to see how things are going and find out when you’ll get to go home,” he said, tossing out an uneasy smile. “I came back to ask if you need anything.”
“You don’t have to do this, Cal. I appreciate everything you’ve done for Jessica and me, but I know you have a life and a business to keep going.”
He replaced his hat, tugging the brim low on his brow. She did her best to ignore the heat of his gaze, but couldn’t quite manage. Something about his eyes, the way he looked at her, made her feel as if he actually cared.
“I’ve already made arrangements to take off. My partner’s covering the clinic.”
“I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but you don’t have to come back. We’ll be all right.”
Though he seemed somehow different from Gary, Cal was still a man. The last thing Sara wanted was to get used to having another one around. Each and every one she’d known had brought her nothing but trouble, and she’d already had enough of that to last a lifetime.
Cal stared down at the floor a moment, then met her gaze. “I know it sounds strange, but I feel somehow responsible. I need to know you’ll be okay. You and Jessie.”
“Well, you don’t have to feel responsible. We’re fine. I appreciate everything you’ve done for us, but we don’t want to take up any more of your—”
“Actually, the doctor said this thing with Jessie might have some lingering effects, so if it’s just the same to you, I’ll—”
The room seemed to tilt. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
He shrugged. “I didn’t want to worry you.”
“I’m her mother. I’m supposed to worry.” She regarded Jessica, who still nursed.
When Cal continued to stand there, she frowned at him. “What are you not saying? Does the doctor think she’ll have problems?”
He met her gaze, his expression serious. Too serious. “Don’t get upset. The doctor said some kids have problems, but others don’t.”
Sara’s world crumbled around her, but she wouldn’t tell Cal that. She didn’t need to drag him into her problems.
He shook his head. “I can’t go yet. You need me.”
She almost choked on the breath she drew. “Granted, I may need a lot of things, but right now a man’s not one of them.”
His look suggested he disagreed. “It’s not what you think. Just friends,” he said, the brim of his hat casting his face in shadow, preventing her from seeing his eyes. “No strings.”
Sara stared at him a long minute. She had no idea what he wanted or why. Worse still, she didn’t know what to do about him. Or