No, she thought. Leah would have brought much more to a marriage than an illegitimate child. She would have brought money and prestige and land. And the rest of the men would have given Avery a pat on the back for being clever enough to get around John Steigermann.
It was a long, cold ride down the river ferry road to the German church. The church was a square, two-story edifice of natural stone built by the German settlers who had come here from Pennsylvania in the last century. It was a fitting monument to their faith and their perseverance. She tried hard not to let it remind her of the German schoolmaster.
In spite of their clever plan, Caroline and the Steigermanns were not the first to arrive. Avery stood in the sun on the front steps. He was dressed in what passed for his Sunday finery, a severe black broadcloth coat that always needed a vigorous brushing. Caroline didn’t see William anywhere, and she guessed that Avery would have made him stay at home. She prayed that he had. The Holts had been shamed enough without William having to witness the proceedings today.
Avery was obviously waiting for her, and there was no way for her to get inside the church without going past him. She got down out of the wagon with difficulty and walked a few steps away from the Steigermanns. The graveyard that surrounded the church was quiet except for the wind in the trees and the rattle of leaves blown against the low stone wall. Her mother and father were buried here. And Ann and her lost babies. For a brief moment, she thought about crossing the wall to stand at their graves, but she knew already that she would find no comfort among their cold headstones. There was no comfort anywhere.
The Reverend Johann Rial’s house was within sight of the church. She could see the glint of the sun on the tin roof and smell the wood smoke from the chimneys. And Avery was coming toward her. She had to force herself not to turn and run. She was afraid of him, but whatever he had to say now, she preferred to hear it alone. The Steigermanns had been privy to enough of the Holt scandal.
More buggies and wagons were arriving, and Leah came to take her arm. Caroline had to force herself not to look for Kader Gerhardt among the men who were beginning to congregate on the front steps where Avery had been. Would she think less of Kader if he came—or if he didn’t?
Avery was close now.
“My father won’t let him hurt you,” Leah said quietly, and Caroline drew a long breath.
“Please, Leah. Step away so I can talk to my brother alone.”
“Caroline, he is angry still—”
“Please,” she whispered, and Leah reluctantly went to stand with her father.
Whatever Avery does, don’t let me cry, Caroline prayed.
“You deserved what you got,” Avery said when he was close enough, not caring if the Steigermanns heard him.
“Yes,” she answered quietly. “The way Leah will if you aren’t careful.”
His cheeks flushed and he reached out to grab her by the arm. She drew back instinctively, expecting to be hurt again.
“What did you tell old man Steigermann about me?" Avery said.
“I didn’t have to tell him anything. He saw what kind of man you are.”
“Damn you, Caroline! You’ve ruined everything—”
“Come, Caroline,” John Steigermann said behind her. “We go inside now. Your brother will not want to keep you out here in the cold.” He offered her his arm, and she took it gratefully. She gave Avery one last look as she walked past him. The question was still in his eyes.
Who, Caroline? Who?
“I have seen by the fine attendance this morning that you are all aware of what is about to take place today,” Johann Rial said from the high pulpit. He spoke in English now— for Caroline’s benefit, no doubt—and his eyes swept over the congregation, coming to rest on her. She felt physically ill, and she took a wavering breath. Leah reached for her hand.
Johann waited for a moment for someone’s fit of coughing to subside and for his words to be translated to the older members who spoke only German. “Those of you who are feeling relieved that my sermon has concluded,” he continued, “will be pained to hear that I have more to say. To you all. I now charge each of you to remember the Scriptures.
“Behold I was shapen in iniquity and in sin did my mother conceive me. Against Thee—and Thee only—have I sinned.
“I charge each of you to remember Our Lord’s admonishment— Let him who is without sin among you cast the first stone.
“It is also written that a bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord even unto his tenth generation shall he not enter.
“I further charge you that this child in Christ be not left without salvation. Brother Graeber must follow his own conscience. But I steadfastly hope that someone among you will see fit to make an honorable and Christian offer of Holy—”
Johann Rial abruptly stopped, and Caroline could hear whispering behind her and the shuffling of feet The commotion intensified, a collective murmuring and a creaking of pews as people turned in their seats.
“What is it?” she whispered to Leah, not wanting to look around.
“It’s Eli Graeber,” Leah whispered back. “He’s standing.”
Caroline could already hear him addressing Johann Rial in German, and there was more commotion among the congregation. Leah gave a sharp intake of breath.
“What is he saying, Leah?” she whispered, squeezing Leah’s hand hard. Did Eli know about her and Kader Gerhardt after all? Surely, surely he wouldn’t stand up in church and say that she had been with the German schoolmaster.
“Eli says he is willing to offer you marriage if Frederich withdraws his pledge,” Leah said.
“He what?” Caroline cried, turning around now. Eli was indeed standing—and Frederich had him by the arm.
“Sitzt sich!” Frederich bellowed, trying to make him sit down.
Eli pulled free and began to speak over the clamor around him.
“Eli says he owns half the land, half the farm,” Leah translated rapidly. “He says he has the right to take whoever he pleases—and his uncle is—”
Her translation was interrupted by another outburst from Frederich.
Sit down! Sit down! Caroline prayed, as if her litany could stop whatever Eli was doing by sheer force of will. Oh, dear God, she thought. Everyone will think Eli is the one.
Eli Graeber suddenly looked in her direction, but he was speaking to Johann Rial. Then he was making his way to where she sat, waiting at the end of the pew for Johann to join him.
“Eli wants to know what you say,” Leah said.
“I don’t say anything!” She sat with her head bowed, as if she could hide somehow. Everyone was staring at her— she tried desperately not to cry. She hadn’t expected this. In her worst nightmare she hadn’t expected this.
“Come, Caroline,” Leah said, trying to get her to stand up.
“No-please. No!”
“Caroline, Eli and Johann want to talk to you!” Leah whispered urgently.
“Leah, I can’t—I have to get out of here!”
She would have tried to run, but both John Steigermann and his wife had gotten up so that Eli could come into the pew and Leah was blocking the other way out. She was hopelessly trapped. Eli was actually going to address her here and now, in front of all these people.
“Caroline Holt,” he said.
She