“There is something you need to know. Frederich is going to withdraw his pledge of marriage to you,” Steigermann said bluntly.
Caroline looked at him, not knowing what her response should be.
“There is no marriage pledge,” she said after a moment.
“Avery gave his word on your behalf,” he said. “The agreement will be set aside in the church Sunday, Caroline. You will have to be there.”
“I?” she said in alarm. “I had nothing to do with Avery’s agreement.”
“Frederich is the injured party, Caroline. And he…says he doesn’t want you. He says the baby you carry isn’t his. I know you have never said that is so,” Steigermann said when she would have interrupted. “But if the baby is his, you can say so before God in the church. You can hold him to the pledge.”
“No. I don’t want to marry Frederich. I never wanted to marry Frederich.” Her face hurt to talk. She bit down on her lower lip to stop her mouth from trembling.
“You have to be there, Caroline.”
“Why? I didn’t have anything to do with this. I didn’t even know there was a marriage planned until—until Avery—” She broke off to keep from sobbing out loud.
“There are people who believe that you and Avery were going to fool Frederich—”
“The marriage was Frederich’s idea,” Caroline said, incredulous that she had been reduced to repeating anything Avery said as the truth. “I didn’t know about it—”
“You must go to the church. It is the only thing you can do for the reputation of your family. Not for Avery, but for Ann’s daughters and for your little brother, William. You must say that the withdrawal of the marriage pledge is acceptable to you, that Frederich has done nothing dishonorable.”
“I can’t,” she said.
“You can,” he answered. “God judges us, Caroline. No one else has the right. I believe this. My wife believes this,” he said, gesturing in her direction. “But there are the others, you see. Those are the people you must face in the church. You must show them that you will stand with your head up, and you will let only God decide if you have sinned. You must do this for the sake of the baby and the rest of your family. And you must not leave Frederich to take the blame for what has happened to you.”
She realized that he was looking at her bruised face again, and this time she turned her head away.
“I believe that Avery Holt has more to answer for than you, Caroline,” he said gently. “But you are the one who must go to the church. Frederich is a proud man and he must save his honor. You must give it back to him. You must say before God that you release him from the pledge.”
“I never made any pledge!”
“Avery did. It is the same.”
“It isn’t!”
“There is the baby, Caroline,” he reminded her. “For the rest of your life you and the child will suffer the talk. It will be worse for you both if you—”
“I don’t want to do this,” she said, crying openly now.
“It’s what Frederich wants, Caroline. It’s his right to have everyone know he has done nothing wrong. What will you do? Will you run from here? Will you leave William and Lise and the little one—Mary Louise—to face what you have done?”
Mrs. Steigermann said something to her husband in German. He hesitated, then translated the question.
“My wife asks…if the father of the child is…away from here. If he is a soldier, perhaps I can send word for you—”
“No,” she interrupted. “I have nothing to say to him. Nothing.”
She hadn’t gone to Kader about her pregnancy—and wouldn’t. When she first knew that there would be a baby, she had comforted herself with fantasies of telling him. Sometimes she’d find him in the schoolroom again, only he’d be glad to see her and he’d stay glad even after she’d told him she carried his child. He’d sweep her into his arms and beg her forgiveness. He’d want them to marry immediately—
But she had no hopes of a happy ending. She had seen her parents’ loveless marriage. And Ann’s. And she knew the truth of her own situation. Kader Gerhardt didn’t care about her, and to his credit, he had never claimed that he loved her. In a moment of boredom, she had been nothing but a temporary diversion. What would he give her now if she asked? Money perhaps, but never marriage. He would deny everything, and if people did think that she and Avery had tried to trick Frederich into marrying her, who would believe her version of the truth? Her child would still be a bastard and her begging for Kader’s help would only compound her stupidity and her shame.
She forced herself to look into John Steigermann’s eyes. She saw nothing but concern there. He was a good man, a kind man—but how could he expect that she face the entire congregation?
“You know I have spoken the truth, Caroline. You know what you have to do. You will not be alone. My wife and I will stand with you.”
She abruptly bowed her head. She didn’t care about Frederich Graeber’s honor, but she did care about William and her nieces. And she cared about the child she carried. Perhaps she even cared about the German schoolmaster who had given it to her.
“You need time alone now, Caroline. We will leave you. You know what needs to be done,” he said when he reached the door. “My advice is that you ask God to help you and give you strength.”
She sat there, her mind in turmoil, hardly aware that the Steigermanns had gone.
Would Kader be there? she thought. Would he sit and watch her humiliation in silence?
Yes, she thought sadly. He would. Because they must behave properly—for her sake.
Caroline had to wear her same worn-out yellow-flowered dress on Sunday morning after all. Avery might have obliged Leah by giving her one of Caroline’s better dresses, but there was a limit to John Steigermann’s free hand. He would not allow Leah to go see Avery Holt, not even for the sake of Caroline’s pitiful wardrobe. He had seen firsthand Avery’s loss of control, and he refused to permit his beloved only daughter to have anything further to do with such a violent man.
The upstairs smelled of the morning breakfast—fried ham and potatoes and cabbage and freshly baked black German bread. The smell of the food and the Schmalz, a greasy, apple and herb-flavored pork fat the Steigermanns spread on the bread, had been more than Caroline could manage. She had abruptly retreated to her small room, and she sat down to wait by the fire until John Steigermann came upstairs to tell her it was time to go to the church. If he was surprised that she would do as he asked and let Frederich officially withdraw his marriage pledge, it didn’t show. But then there was no reason for him to be surprised. His fine expectations and her obligation to him made it impossible for her not to go. It was his suggestion that they arrive ahead of the rest of the congregation. She saw the wisdom of the plan immediately. The last thing she wanted was to have to enter the church after everyone else was already seated.
The day was cold and windy. Her face looked a little better, perhaps not so swollen, but she was grateful for the loan of one of Leah’s bonnets so that she could hide from the wind and from the curious stares she was bound to encounter.
She let John Steigermann take her by the arm to escort her to the wagon waiting by the back door. She felt dead