TARA stared at the blue line, all her fears crystallised.
She was pregnant.
Stumbling back from the vanity basin, she sank down onto the toilet seat, her head dropping into her hands.
But somehow, she was beyond tears. She’d cried for ages after Max left. Cried and cried.
It had been close to two o’clock by the time she’d pulled herself together enough to get dressed and go downstairs to buy a pregnancy-testing kit from the chemist shop in the foyer.
And now there was no longer any doubt. Or guessing. She was going to have Max’s baby.
Tara shook her head from side to side. It wasn’t fair. She’d taken every precaution. This shouldn’t be happening to her. What on earth was she going to do?
Tara sucked in deeply as she lifted her head. What could she do?
Nothing. The same way Jen had done nothing when Dale had got her pregnant. The Bond sisters hadn’t been brought up to have abortions.
Not that Tara wanted to get rid of Max’s baby. If she could just get past her fear over what Max would say and do when he found out, she might even feel happy about it.
But that was her biggest problem, wasn’t it?
Telling Max.
What if he accused her of deliberately getting pregnant? Even worse, what if he demanded she get a termination?
That would be the death knell of their relationship, she knew. Because it would prove to her once and for all that he didn’t really love her.
A huge wave of depression washed through her, taking Tara lower than she’d ever been in her life before. If she discovered Max didn’t really love her, how could she stand it? How would she cope?
You’ll have to cope, girl, came back the stern answer. You’re going to become a mother. You’re going to be needed. Having some kind of breakdown is simply not on.
Tara squared her shoulders as her self-lecture had some effect. But when she thought of having to tell her own mother about the baby she wilted again.
Not yet, Tara decided with a shudder. She couldn’t tell her yet. Maybe she wouldn’t tell Max yet, either. First babies didn’t show for quite a while. Maybe she could delay the confrontation with Max till she was over four months, past the safe time for a termination. As much as Tara was confident he couldn’t succeed in talking her into an abortion, she didn’t want him to even try.
Unfortunately, she had no idea just how far pregnant she actually was. That was her first job. To find out.
Jen, Tara thought with a lifting of spirit. Jen had a nice doctor that she’d gone to when she was having her babies. Tara had gone with her a couple of times and had really liked him. On top of that, Jen wouldn’t be too shocked, or read her the Riot Act. How could she when she’d got pregnant herself when she’d only been seventeen?
Yes, she would tell Jen, then ask her to arrange an appointment with her doctor. Preferably for this week, before her supposed trip to New Zealand. Tara need to know where things stood. Though really, unless her morning sickness went away, she couldn’t see herself going anywhere overseas for ages.
Tara stood up and returned to the bedroom, where she sat down on Max’s side of the bed and picked up the phone. After pressing the number for an outside line, she was about to punch in Jen’s number when she realised she hadn’t called her mother at all this weekend. Yet she’d promised to let her know when she’d be back.
Tara sighed. Really, once Max was on the scene, she couldn’t think about anything or anyone else. The man had obsessed her these last twelve months. He probably would have obsessed her more after this incredible weekend, if his baby hadn’t come along to put a halt to the proceedings. As much as she had thrilled to his forceful lovemaking—and it didn’t seem to have hurt the baby—she really couldn’t let him continue to make love to her in such a wild fashion.
Which meant her idea of keeping the baby secret for weeks wouldn’t work. Max wouldn’t understand why she wanted him to go back to his former style of slow, gentle lovemaking all of a sudden.
No. She would have to tell him the truth. And soon.
Now Tara wasn’t sure whether to view this pregnancy as a saviour, or one huge sacrifice all round. No travelling overseas. No adventurous sex. Possibly, no Max at all!
Her chin trembled at this last thought.
Oh, life was cruel. Too cruel.
Tara slumped down on the bed and burst into tears again, the phone clutched in her hands. This time, her crying jag was considerably shorter than the last. Only ten minutes or so.
I’m definitely getting it together, she told herself as she dabbed at her eyes with the sheet, then took several gathering breaths.
‘Time to ring Mum,’ she said aloud, proud of her firm voice, and her firm finger. The number entered, she waited for her mother to answer.
‘Hi there.’
‘Oh. Oh, Jen. It’s you!’
‘Hi, Tara. Yep. It’s me. I came over to visit Mum. She seemed a bit down. Dale’s minding the kids. We’re playing Scrabble and eating far too much cake. I presume his lord and master is in town?’
‘Er—Was. He’s gone now.’
‘Brother, he doesn’t stay long these days, does he?’
‘Jen, can we talk? I mean…can Mum hear what you’re saying?’
‘Hold it a sec. Mum, it’s Tara…Tara, Mum wants to know when you’re coming home.’
‘Shortly.’
‘Shortly, Mum,’ Tara heard Jen say. ‘Why don’t you go make us a cuppa while I have a chat with my little sister? I haven’t talked to Tara in ages. Great. I’m alone now, Tara,’ she said more quietly. ‘What’s up?’
‘I…I’m pregnant.’
Jen stayed silent for a second, then just said, ‘Bummer.’
‘Is that it? Just bummer? I was hoping for some words of sympathy and wisdom.’
‘Sorry. It was the shock. So how did this happen? I mean, I know how it happened. You had sex. I meant…did you forget the Pill one day or something?’
‘Nope. Took it right on the dot every day.’
‘Now, that is a real bummer. I was at least stupid and careless when I fell pregnant. Oh, Tara, what are you going to do?’
‘Have my baby. The same way you did.’
‘Yeah. We’re suckers for doing the right thing, aren’t we? So does Max know yet? I presume not.’
‘No. I only found out myself a few minutes ago. The test went bluer than blue.’
‘What do you think he’ll say?’
‘My head goes round and round every time I think about that. He’s not going to be happy.’
‘Men are never happy over unexpected pregnancies. But if he loves you, he’ll stick by you. Dale went ballistic at first but after a while he calmed down, and really he was like a rock after that. Much better than me, actually. I cried for weeks and weeks.’
‘I remember.’
‘Do you think Max might ask you to marry him?’
‘He’s made it clear that marriage and kids are definitely not on his agenda, so your guess is as good as mine.’
‘No, it isn’t, Tara. You know the man. I don’t. Does he love you?’
‘He says he does.’