‘Yes,’ Gran agreed, pulling the walking frame towards her, ready to stand. ‘I like to be with him as much as I can, while I have the chance. John put a bed in the study for me, but I can’t sleep, he’s so restless at night. I think they’re moving me upstairs. I hope Will understands.’
‘I’m sure he does,’ Mandy’s father reassured her, falling into step at her side.
It was nearly 2 p.m. as they settled themselves in the study-cum-sick room, Mandy in one of the pair of leather armchairs at the end of the room and her father and Gran by Grandpa’s bed. John and Evelyn had taken up the offer of a break and were in the sitting room trying to have a nap. It seemed most of the day was spent sitting and watching Grandpa sleep; Gran said she sat with him all day and Evelyn and John joined her as and when they could. But although Grandpa’s eyes were closed and he appeared to be asleep, he was very restless, and became more so as the afternoon wore on. He called out and sometimes groaned as though in pain, which was not only disturbing for him but upsetting to witness.
Mandy saw her father grow more and more anxious as he watched his mother trying without success to soothe his father. ‘It’s the medication wearing off,’ Gran said at last. ‘It seems to be lasting less and less time, and the nurse isn’t due until three.’
‘Can’t Dad have more tablets before the nurse comes?’ her father asked.
‘He can’t swallow tablets any more,’ Gran said, ‘even when they’re crushed. We’ve tried the liquid the doctor prescribed but that didn’t do any good. The nurse gives him injections now, every four hours. It’s morphine, I think. That helps for a while, but he needs more. John said he’d speak to the nurse this afternoon.’
The next hour was the worst Mandy had ever experienced in her entire life, she thought, as the morphine gradually wore off and Grandpa became in increasing pain. To begin with they left Evelyn and John having a rest, but as Grandpa’s discomfort grew and their efforts to soothe him became less and less effective, her father fetched them from the sitting room. ‘I’ll call the nurse,’ John said when he saw Grandpa, and went to the phone on the desk.
Mandy stood anxiously with her father and Evelyn by the bed and tried to soothe Grandpa. But he tossed and turned, and cried out, shouting words that made no sense at all. Evelyn spoke to him in a calming voice, stroked his forehead and tried to reassure him, but her efforts were pathetic and futile in the face of his pain. Then he began clawing at his arms as though his skin was on fire. Mandy’s father tried to stop him by holding his hands, which made him even more agitated, and he swore.
‘He doesn’t know what he’s saying,’ Gran excused. ‘He’s delirious, he doesn’t mean it.’
‘The nurse won’t be long,’ John said, hovering by the phone.
But 3 p.m. came and went and the nurse failed to arrive.
‘It’s not like him,’ Evelyn said. ‘Normally he’s very punctual.’
‘Should be, the amount they’re paying.’
At 3.15 there was still no sign of the nurse and Grandpa had broken out in a cold sweat from the agony. John said he would phone the nurse again and find out what the hell was going on. He left the study to make the call and when he returned he said the nurse had been called to an emergency and would come as soon as he could.
‘That’s unacceptable!’ her father said, turning on John. ‘Let me speak to him! No one should have to suffer like this!’
‘If you think it will help, go ahead!’ John retorted, almost shouting. ‘I don’t like to see Dad suffer any more than you do. He’s been like a father to me and now I can’t help him! We’ve had almost a week of this – a week of watching him suffer. And I’m not sure I can take much more.’ John’s face crumpled and he turned away.
‘Oh, Will,’ Gran said, trying to catch hold of Grandpa’s hand. She began to cry.
‘This isn’t helping,’ Evelyn said. ‘Ray, why don’t you take Mum into the sitting room until the nurse has been and Dad is more comfortable?’
Her father hesitated. Mandy saw his resentment at being told what to do by his sister. ‘I think it’s a good idea,’ Mandy said, touching his arm. ‘Gran shouldn’t see Grandpa like this.’ Although it was more about removing her father from the room than Gran, who seemed to be coping far better.
Her father glanced at her and then without speaking helped Gran to her feet. The two of them left the room. Mandy went over and, kneeling by the bed, began gently stroking Grandpa’s forehead and talking to him quietly. ‘It’s Mandy,’ she said. ‘The nurse won’t be long. Dad and Gran are in the sitting room. Try to relax, take deep breaths, it’ll help soothe away the pain.’
John and Evelyn hovered close by. ‘Thanks, Mandy,’ John said, sounding relieved to have some of the responsibility taken from him.
‘I’m sure he knows it’s you,’ Evelyn said. ‘He’s growing calmer.’
Mandy felt her eyes mist as she continued to stroke Grandpa’s brow and whisper words of comfort. She thought he was responding; his legs were still and he was no longer trying to claw at his arms. His eyes had closed and his face seemed more relaxed; perhaps he did know it was her and had taken comfort in her presence. Feeling she might be able to help, and aware this could be her last opportunity to spend time with him, she decided to offer to stay and help, for however long she was needed.
‘I’m sure,’ she said. ‘I want to. And it’s not as if I’ve got a proper job and need to take time off work. I’d like to help, really.’
‘It’s much appreciated,’ John said. ‘Thanks, Mandy.’
‘Yes, thanks,’ Evelyn echoed.
‘I don’t know,’ her father said again, as he had when Mandy had first told him of her intention to stay.
‘Why ever not?’ Gran asked, turning from the bed to look at him. ‘It’s nice that Mandy wants to, and Evelyn and John could do with the help. It will be fine, Ray. I promise. Don’t worry.’
They were all in the study grouped once more around Grandpa’s bed. He was asleep and pain-free. The nurse had arrived, full of apologies, shortly after 4 p.m., and had given Grandpa the morphine injection which would allow some relief for a few hours at least. It was now 6 p.m. and, having had an early dinner (Evelyn had insisted he ate before setting off), Mandy’s father was now preparing to leave. But his reluctance to leave Mandy, combined with Gran’s reassuring him: ‘It will be fine, Ray, I promise,’ and their exchange of meaningful glances, seemed to Mandy there was something she wasn’t being told.
‘All right.’ Her father shrugged, still reluctant. ‘But I don’t know what her mother will say.’
‘Nothing,’ Gran said. ‘And I think Jean should come and visit, tomorrow, when you bring Mandy’s things.’
‘I’m sure she will,’ her father said defensively. ‘Jean didn’t realize how ill Dad was or she would have come today.’
‘All right,’ Gran agreed, and returned her attention to Grandpa. She was sitting in her usual chair by the head of his bed. There was more room in the study now. Before dinner her father had helped John manoeuvre the other single bed upstairs back to the guest room it had come from, so Gran could have a better night’s sleep.
Her father looked at his watch and slowly stood. ‘I’d best be off,’ he said awkwardly.
‘We’ll leave you to say goodbye to Dad then,’ Evelyn said. She and John slipped from the study.
He stood uncomfortably by the bed and Mandy saw how difficult he was finding it to