She kept having hot flushes as surges of anxiety bolted through her body, and she pulled her long, freshly curled brunette hair up into a messy bun and secured it with a hairband. She’d spent ages earlier getting ready for their little date night. Actually styling her hair rather than leaving it in the messy mum bun that it normally resided in, choosing Pete’s favourite LBD which was maybe a little too dressy for dinner at home but Nancy wanted tonight to be special – a night to remember. Well, she was going to remember it, that was for sure.
Ten minutes later, Pete walked in to join her, holding a second bottle of red. It was only then that she realised she had already finished the bottle on the table. He placed the bottle in front of her, not saying a word, and put the cork screw in, twisting it. Nancy listened to the squeak as he twisted and then pulled the cork free. She watched him smell the cork and gave way to a little smile. It was something he always did. To see if the wine was corked, he would tell her.
‘Here,’ he said, passing her a fresh glass with the new wine in. She took it from him and sipped it straight away. ‘Nancy, I’m sorry,’ he said softly.
She shrugged, not trusting herself to say any words that weren’t fuck you right now. It was as though he could sense her resentment. ‘Please don’t hate me.’
She looked at him. His short dark hair needed a cut and there was stubble on his cheeks. She felt sorry for him. She had been so wrapped up in her own dealings with Jack and his challenges that she’d missed how badly Pete was coping. That’s what tonight was about: time for the two of them, because everything over the last few months had been totally focused on Jack and fighting his corner. Getting the school to understand, filling in forms, speaking to professionals, crying because the professionals didn’t say what they wanted to hear. Listening to Jack cry over seemingly trivial things, apologising on his behalf for pretty much everything, arguing with each other because they had become so frustrated. The only way to get through it was to release everything and unfortunately the ones who had to deal with the worst of those releases were normally those who were closest to you. It was all coming into perspective now. The last few months, probably even years, had been a roller-coaster of one stressful event after another and Nancy had used all her energy to make sure she kept fighting and that Jack was OK. She hadn’t once stopped to think how Pete was coping.
Which was probably why he was leaving her now.
‘It’s not you,’ he said, as if he was reading her mind. ‘It’s me.’
She laughed. ‘That is the lamest break up line you could have used. Could you not be more original?’ The laugh faded on her lips as quickly as it had arrived. She dropped her gaze again, unable to keep the eye contact. She felt betrayed, destroyed. After all these years, how could he be leaving her?
‘It’s true though, Nance. It really isn’t you. I love you—’
‘Love me?’ she said, before she realised what was coming out of her mouth. ‘Don’t insult me by telling me you love me. Love is supporting someone when times are tough, being there for them no matter what and making sure that as long as you have each other, nothing else matters.’ The emotion caught unexpectedly in her throat and she hiccupped. She swallowed it down, taking a deep breath. ‘I stuck by you when you were made redundant all those years ago and spiralled into depression. You were just a shell. You didn’t talk, you didn’t work, you just shut off into yourself and pushed me and Jack out.’ He noticeably flinched as she recalled the memory. ‘But did I leave you then? No! I stuck by you and supported you. That,’ she jabbed her finger towards him, ‘is love. You can’t love me if you’re willing to walk out on us.’
‘I do! Look you don’t have to believe me but it’s true. I just need time. I can’t handle everything right now, it’s just constant. There’s no break.’
‘And you expect me to cope with the constant by myself? You’re actually going to swan off and leave me to deal with the meltdowns and the tears and the kicking and screaming by myself?’ She was hoping that by highlighting all this he would realise what he was doing and come to his senses. That he would say Shit, yeah, you’re right. I can’t leave you, I’m sorry, I’ll stay.
But he didn’t.
‘I’m sorry.’
She watched him finish his glass and then stand, pushing his chair slowly back underneath the table. ‘I’ll be at my mum’s. I’ll come and get my stuff tomorrow when Jack’s at school.’
‘You’re not even going to speak to him? Pete, he can’t just have this massive change in his life, he won’t cope, you know he won’t!’ The panic was starting to seep in now. He was actually going.
‘He’ll be fine.’
‘No, he won’t!’ she shouted, slamming her hand on the table, the tears forming rapidly in her eyes, threatening to spill over and flood her cheeks.
‘Don’t shout, Nance,’ Pete said, his brow knitted together with concern.
‘Don’t go then,’ she whimpered, her eyes betraying her wishes for the tears to stay put.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said yet again and she was sure she heard a quiver in his voice. He had the decency to look ashamed as he picked up his phone and walked to the front door.
Nancy jumped up and followed him, reaching out for his arm and gripping it tight. ‘Please, don’t do this.’
He paused and turned to her, gazing into her eyes. She instantly felt the familiar warmth that was the love they had. It had been suppressed recently because of everything going on but this surge right now was enough to make her realise that she really didn’t want him to go. She loved him so much. ‘Please,’ she squeaked.
He took her cheek in his hand and rubbed his thumb down it, wiping the moisture. ‘I have to do this,’ he whispered, and before she had a chance to reply, he turned and walked out the door, closing it behind him.
Nancy turned and leaned against the wooden frame, sliding down until her bottom reached the floor. It was only then that she let the tears flow without any restrictions.
He was gone – and she truly believed that he would never come back.
Twelve months later…
‘Grab your passport, we’re going on holiday!’
Nancy watched Harriet stroll into her house, and waltz straight into the kitchen, flicking the kettle on. She closed the door, a confused frown creeping across her face, and followed her friend.
‘I’m sorry, what?’ she said, sitting down on the breakfast bar stool and allowing her friend free rein to make the coffee as she always did. Harriet classed Nancy’s house as her own and seemed to feel completely at ease whenever she was there. They had been friends for so long, they were more like sisters.
‘You and Jack, me, Isla and Tommy – we’re going on holiday.’ Harriet rubbed her hands together and set about searching for some more coffee as the pot was empty. Her shoulder-length light brown hair was always immaculate, styled straight with subtle blonde streaks throughout and hardly ever up in the mum bun that Nancy regularly sported.
‘In the top left,’ Nancy pointed, guiding Harriet to the correct cupboard. ‘I’m sorry but I just don’t