I know what she’s thinking. The same thing occurred to me.
‘I’m making a big deal out of this unnecessarily, aren’t I?’
Now it’s Julie’s turn to do the plastic dog nod. Then she turns back to the sink and starts to wash up a saucepan.
‘Aww. Don’t worry, sweetie,’ Hannah says. ‘You’re bound to have a few teething problems.’
Alex seems to be thinking along similar lines as we get ready for bed that evening. ‘You know, I think we’re coping pretty well with the situation,’ he says. ‘Most couples get to know each other, then they move in together, and if that works out they start to think about getting married and finally they start a family. We sort of did all that at once.’ He grins at me. ‘We’ll get there.’
I return his smile. It has been a lovely day. Alex has been a hospitable host to my family, and he has been attentive and affectionate to me. So, why do I still have this uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach? Is it groundless fear or gut instinct?
It all but disappears as we make love that evening. But when it’s over and Alex wraps me in his arms, I realise with a jolt that I haven’t felt the baby move for a while. When was the last time Chloe or Liam kicked? I try to remember. For a few minutes, I rub my stomach, making circular movements, hoping to stimulate the baby. But nothing happens.
‘Alex?’
There’s a grunt in response, but he’s almost asleep. That’s probably just as well. He’d say we shouldn’t have walked home. Perhaps he was right.
~
I sleep through the night, which is unusual for me as I’ve been getting up nearly every night to pee since I found out I was pregnant. I’m surprised I’ve been able to sleep at all, what with worrying about the baby not moving. I must have been very tired from my sleepless wedding night.
I reach out my hand for Alex, but he’s not there. I’m reminded of the very first morning I woke up – alone – in this strange house. I hear voices from downstairs and wonder if he’s having breakfast with my family. I get up and put my dressing gown on.
As I am closing the bedroom door behind me, Julie comes out of her room.
‘Good morning,’ she says. ‘Did you sleep well?’
‘Yes, I did.’ I’m about to ask her the same question, but I hear myself saying, ‘Julie, I haven’t felt the baby kick for a while now. Is that normal?’
‘When was the last time you felt it move?’ she asks.
I have to think about that. I remember the baby was very active while I lay awake all night in the hotel. Was that the last time? No, it wasn’t. My tummy rumbles and it comes to me. It was just before breakfast at the hotel.
‘Yesterday morning. It was a very gentle kick, though.’
‘Well, that’s only twenty-four hours ago,’ my sister says. ‘The baby could be sleeping or it might have moved into a position that means you can’t feel it dancing about so much.’
‘OK,’ I say, but I don’t sound convinced.
‘Don’t worry.’ Julie takes my arm and guides me towards the staircase. ‘If you still haven’t felt it move this afternoon, go to the hospital. They’ll set your mind at rest.’ I’m not sure if it’s my big sister or the nurse talking. Either way, Julie’s words don’t put me at ease.
There’s no sign of Alex downstairs, either. According to my dad, who got up early to walk Jet, he’d said he had an errand to run.
Alex is gone a long time. I try to call him after breakfast, feeling annoyed, but his phone goes straight to voicemail. Where can he be? He arranged for cover in the shop today and he hasn’t scheduled any activities. He wasn’t planning to go training this morning. Where on earth is he? Panic eventually overrides my anger.
When Alex does arrive home, my sister and her family, my dad and Hannah have loaded everything into the two cars they drove up here in and they’re ready to leave for Somerset. I watch Alex saunter in through the front door. Jet wags his tail and I find myself willing him to growl and bark.
‘Where have you been?’ It comes out as a hiss. I can feel my sister’s eyes on me. Alex either ignores my tone or doesn’t pick it up.
‘I went back to the hotel. They left a message on my mobile to say you’d forgotten this.’ To my astonishment, he holds up my mum’s necklace. ‘I thought you’d want to give it back to Julie before she left.’
I’m aware my mouth is wide open, but I can’t seem to close it. I stare in total disbelief at the necklace. The chain is unbroken.
‘Thank you,’ I manage.
Alex hands the necklace to Julie, who deftly puts it around her neck and fastens the clasp.
Moments later, as I wave goodbye to my family, I feel confused. I’m grateful to Alex for having the necklace repaired, and at least now I know what he was doing this morning. But he’s the one who broke it in the first place. And I’m cross with him for implying that I’d carelessly left it in our hotel room. I turn to face Alex, but he isn’t there. He has gone back inside.
I stand outside, alone, watching Oscar close the wooden gate at the bottom of the drive before getting back into the car. Seconds later, both cars round a bend out of my sight. I hope I’ll see everyone again soon, although we didn’t get round to making any plans as Alex wasn’t there this morning.
I find Alex upstairs, kneeling in front of the chest of drawers and wildly turfing out my bras and knickers. I stand in the doorway, rooted to the spot and speechless. He pulls out one of the drawers containing his clothes and tips the socks out on the floor.
Is he having another meltdown?
‘Alex.’ My heart is beating a tattoo against my ribs. ‘Alex.’ My voice sounds weak, even to my ears, and I realise I’m frightened of my husband’s erratic behaviour.
He looks up. ‘It must be here somewhere,’ he says. He doesn’t sound angry, which I take to be a good sign.
‘I’m so sorry I lost it, Alex,’ I say. ‘It may turn up, but we’ve … I’ve already checked in there.’
‘Sit down,’ Alex says gently.
I do what I’m told and perch on the corner of the bed. Alex tidies everything back into the drawers.
‘I can help you if you like?’
‘No, no, it’s all right. Why should you clear up the mess I’ve made?’ He glances at me over his shoulder. ‘Just hang on a sec till I’ve finished. I’ve got something for you.’
I study Alex as he puts the pairs of socks away, lining them up in a row. When he has finished, he turns to me, still on his knees, and extracts a box from his back pocket.
‘I got you this …’ he says, shuffling towards me on his knees. He looks comical, and I’m relieved that he’s not mad at me again. I have a sudden urge to giggle, but although I can feel myself grinning too widely, I succeed in keeping the laughter down.
Alex opens a small square box. Inside there’s a necklace. The third necklace in three days. He takes it out and hands it to me.
‘… To make up for my inexcusable behaviour,’ he continues. ‘I had it engraved.’
I look at the wording on the necklace. ‘“I’m always yours”,’ I read aloud. It reminds me of the sort of message you get on those sweets. Love Hearts. I find it a little childish and then I scold myself for thinking that. Alex is making an effort after all.
‘Look on the back,’ he says. ‘There’s a different inscription.’
I