‘If you’re anything like me, everything they tell you in those classes will go straight out of your head when the time comes, but if you need someone to talk to, I’m always at the end of the phone,’ Hannah promised. She tipped her head forward and lowered her voice when she added, ‘Now that you’ve remembered my number.’
‘I know, I’m sorry! We left it way too long. It’s finding the time that’s the problem,’ Lucy said, which felt like a poor excuse when Hannah had managed to hold on to her social life after she married. It was different for Lucy. She and Adam had their routines and it wasn’t that he didn’t like her having friends – not at all. They simply liked each other’s company more, and when Adam had given up his rock-climbing club so they could spend their weekends together, it felt right that she should make sacrifices too. She missed her friends, but of all Lucy’s relationships, Adam was the most important.
‘I get it, you only have eyes for Adam,’ Hannah said, ‘but I’m here if you need me.’
‘It will get better, won’t it?’ Lucy asked as they left the path and stepped back on to the promenade.
‘I promise. You’ll have this baby and wonder what all the fuss was about. Give it a year and you’ll be planning the next,’ Hannah said. She checked her watch. ‘Look, I’m really sorry, I know I said I’m here for you, but I should head home. There’s a limit to how long I can trust Jamie to look after the kids without putting his sanity or theirs at risk.’
‘I’m so glad you came. I’ve been cooped up in my studio all week and it’s been nice getting out of the house.’
‘Speaking of which, I might need a favour from you. Do you remember my nan and grandad?’
Lucy had a vague recollection of gate-crashing a family party. ‘The ones who celebrated their diamond wedding?’
‘And some,’ Hannah said. She paused to look up and scowl at the gull screeching above her head. ‘My nan died on Christmas Eve and, as awful as it was for us, it’s been devastating for Grandad. He’s eighty-two and he says he’s managing on his own but he misses Nan. He talks to her photos all the time and I was just thinking, it might be nice if the family clubbed together and had a portrait painted of her, and I know you’d do a bloody good job. Would you?’
Lucy’s heart clenched. She was putting the final touches to Ralph’s portrait and hadn’t yet decided what to do next. Adam’s idea of painting simply for pleasure was a tempting one and her walk around Marine Lake had already given her some ideas. ‘The way I am at the moment, Hannah, I’m not sure I’d do a painting like that justice.’
‘Still the perfectionist?’
‘I guess so,’ Lucy said with a sigh.
As they retraced their steps along the promenade, Lucy thought about the sure-footed woman Hannah assumed her still to be. The old Lucy got things right first time and never thought to double-check her work. Lucy missed her. Her new life was more of an illusion made up of smoke and mirrors, but if she could somehow carry on pretending to be the person everyone expected her to be, she might stand a chance of believing in herself again.
‘I tell you what, why don’t you send me some photos of your nan and even if I can’t do it now, I promise it’ll be my first job once I’ve had the baby and I’m free of all these stupid hormones.’ When Hannah screwed up her face, she added, ‘I know, I know, it’s not going to be easy with a new baby in tow, but Adam’s promised to work from home more and Mum’s cutting back on her hours so she can help too. I really do want to do it, Hannah. I wouldn’t even charge you.’
‘Firstly, of course we’ll pay for it, and waiting isn’t a problem,’ Hannah said. ‘The reason I’m hesitating is because I think Grandad needs to pick out the right photo. Maybe I could bring him along next time we meet and you can help him choose?’
Lucy’s face broke into a smile, liking the idea of another excuse to meet up. ‘That sounds perfect.’
‘Then the job’s yours,’ Hannah said as they reached the spot where they had met. After making their goodbyes, Hannah gave Lucy a fierce hug and as Samson dragged her away, she called back, ‘Don’t forget about the kitten!’
Lucy kept her smile all the way home. Adam had been wrong to worry that Hannah would make her feel worse. After simply one breezy walk along the promenade, Lucy felt so much better. And if meeting her friend was to prove a point, the point was she missed her. As was the norm with Hannah, she had put temptation in Lucy’s path, and not only the kitten, but the commission too. Lucy often painted portraits that came with stories that could break her heart, but the tears were worth it when she saw the expressions on her clients’ faces, especially when she added those little extra details that would mean something to the family; like Ralph’s slipper.
When Lucy reached home and found herself testing the lock on the front door yet again before going inside, she resented the relief that washed over her. She peeled off her layers and wandered into the kitchen where her eyes were immediately drawn to the gas hob. There was no blue flame because she had checked it at least three times before leaving the house. Why did she doubt herself at every turn?
Lucy switched on the kettle and dropped a teabag into a mug and as she waited for the water to boil, she played with a sprinkling of crumbs lurking on the countertop behind her jar of herbal teas. She crushed a particularly large clump into dust before sweeping the debris in her hand. The trails left behind were a level of messiness she could live with, and she doubted Hannah would consider it a mess at all, but Adam would notice and she would finish the job properly before he came home.
With her tea brewing, Lucy sat at the table to pull off her boots – which she would purposefully and consciously put away under the stairs before getting the rest of the house in order. Her feet were swollen and as she tugged at the first boot, her knee knocked against the table and a shower of petals rained down on to its surface.
The bouquet Adam had given her for Valentine’s Day took up most of the table top. Lucy hadn’t wanted to disturb the stunning arrangement so had left it in its pink box with its own water reservoir. She had added the sachet of food to prolong the life of the blooms but to her dismay, they were shrivelling up before her eyes. Many of the roses were denuded of petals and their stems drooped over the edge of the Cellophane cuff.
After pulling off her other boot, Lucy lifted the bouquet only for more petals to fall to their death. The box was lighter than she expected and as she tilted it from side to side, she felt no movement of water. She had topped it up the night before and it seemed impossible that the flowers would use up that much water so quickly, which left her wondering if it had been the night before. Cursing under her breath, she rushed to fetch a jug, knowing it was already too late.
This was why she doubted herself. Adam had wanted to spoil her by giving her a bouquet that rivalled the one his mum had received from Scott, but if they were meant to be a symbol of their relationship, Lucy was in trouble.
Hearing Adam’s car pull up outside, Lucy rested an elbow on the banister and settled into what she hoped was a casual pose. ‘How did it go with your mum?’ she asked as he stepped through the door.
Adam blinked in surprise. ‘Erm, good thanks.’
‘I’ve made a beef stew,’ she said. ‘And don’t look so worried. I checked with mum and she talked me through it. It tastes really good even if I do say so myself. Are you hungry yet?’
Adam slipped off his jacket and unfurled the scarf from around his neck. As he moved to the opposite side of the staircase to put his things away in the closet, Lucy repositioned herself in front of the kitchen door. The knot in her stomach tightened.
‘I had something to eat at Mum’s,’