‘You’re right, I’m sure,’ I agreed, ‘but then, once a doorstep cat always a doorstep cat.’
My house was in darkness as I jumped through the cat flap. I wasn’t surprised, it was late. I lapped up some water, before taking myself off to my cat bed, upstairs on the landing.
After Claire and Jonathan first got together, I was still splitting my time between their two houses and the other two flats. I took credit for their relationship as I introduced them. It was funny; I had been planning to do so but it actually happened unwittingly. When I was injured and recovering at the vet, Jonathan went looking for me, and Claire realized I was his cat too. They fell in love, being perfect for each other, and were together for six months before Claire and I moved into Jonathan’s house. A year later they got married. It was my first experience of a human wedding. I was even part of the ceremony, which was held in a small church not far from Edgar Road. I was so excited until they put a lead on me – oh the indignity! – but I forgave them because they included me in their special day, plus they gave me pilchards to eat. Yum. I stayed with my other family, Polly, Matt, Henry and their new baby, Martha, while they went on what they called a ‘honeymoon’, but now I lived with Jonathan and Claire almost full time.
As I lay in my bed, thinking about the new family, I was unable to figure out why on earth anyone would move boxes in the middle of the night. I also couldn’t stop thinking about how upset the man seemed. He definitely sounded like a human in need from my experience; someone who could clearly do with my help. I was still fretting over it as I fell asleep.
I woke the following morning later than usual. I had a good long stretch, and then made my way to Claire and Jonathan’s room where they were still asleep. It was the weekend, so they didn’t have to get up early. However, I was hungry and it was definitely past my usual breakfast time. Luckily they hadn’t fully shut the bedroom door so I pushed it open.
I jumped up onto the bed, climbed onto Claire’s chest and miaowed loudly.
‘Arggh, Alfie,’ Claire started as she sat up and found me sitting on her. ‘Why do you always sit on me and not him?’ she asked, gesturing to Jonathan who was clearly pretending to still be asleep.
I miaowed to say that I sat on her because Jonathan could be really grumpy in the morning; Claire was a better bet.
‘I get it,’ she continued. ‘It’s breakfast time.’ She got up and pulled her dressing gown off the chair next to the bed and put it on.
‘And while you’re up, coffee would be great,’ Jonathan said, still refusing to open both eyes. I stood over him on the bed, tickling his cheek with my tail until he was forced to open his eyes and sit up. ‘Get off me, Alfie, I can’t bear it,’ he said, stroking me, but at the same time gently pushing me away.
‘Good one, Alfie,’ Claire said, giggling. She picked me up, tucked me under one arm and carried me downstairs with her.
‘Claire, Claire.’ Jonathan appeared, breathless some time later. ‘Have you seen my trainers?’ he asked, stopping to bend down to stroke me. I had finished my breakfast and licked myself clean by the time he appeared.
‘In the cupboard under the stairs, where we keep all the shoes,’ she replied with a tut. Claire was incredibly tidy; the house was always immaculate, yet still Jonathan couldn’t seem to find anything. Claire said it was a ‘man thing’, although that certainly didn’t apply to me. Luckily I was a very clean and tidy cat who appreciated order, so we all lived well together.
‘I’ll have another look, you know how hopeless I am.’ He kissed her. It was one of those long kisses you see in films, and I felt as if I was intruding a bit as I covered my eyes with my paws. As I uncovered them, he pinched her bottom and went off again to search for the elusive trainers. Claire’s face was pink with happiness and every time I saw her like that I remembered why I had wanted them to be together in the first place. It wasn’t perfect – I had learnt that perfect relationships rarely existed, either for cats or humans – but Jonathan and Claire made each other happy nearly all the time and we had a sunny, loving home. Tiger was right, I was lucky with the life I had and sometimes I really needed to remember that.
‘Found them!’ Jonathan came back into the kitchen looking triumphant, brandishing his trainers. ‘Right, darling, I’ll go to the gym then we can go out for lunch when I get back?’
‘Lovely, and I’ll put my feet up until you get back,’ she said, hugging him. ‘By the way, you do know what today is, don’t you?’
‘Um, Saturday?’ Jonathan replied.
‘You know what I mean,’ Claire said in a very quiet voice. Not that she needed to whisper as I had no idea what that meant.
‘I hadn’t forgotten, my love.’ He smiled and kissed her cheek. ‘I’ll see you later.’ I noticed him wink before he left.
Humans, I often say, are funny creatures. I love them very much and they take good care of me, but I don’t suppose I will ever fully figure them out. Take Jonathan and his trainers. He knows where they’re kept but he opens the cupboard, doesn’t see them, asks Claire, and then finds them where he looked in the first place. Jonathan does it with everything and for some reason Claire seems to find it funny and endearing, whereas I think it’s annoying. It’s not like he’s stupid but he definitely acts as if he is sometimes.
And Claire, she whispers a lot in front of me, although she doesn’t know just how much I actually understand. Which is quite a lot. I’m pretty sure when she speaks softly like that, it’s because they are trying to have a baby. I know what a baby is; I’ve had experience with Henry and Martha who live down the road. Plus, we cats quite like babies – they are small and warm and a bit like us in some ways.
But they haven’t got pregnant yet. I know it makes Claire upset sometimes and I worry because she was sad a lot of the time when I first knew her and although she seems happy life is unpredictable, and things can change in the flick of a switch.
A little while after Jonathan had left, the doorbell rang out and I rushed to the front door with Claire. She opened it to find Polly, from my other home, standing on the doorstep with a beautiful smile on her face. Claire and Polly were close friends now, and I’d brought them together too.
‘Hi.’ Claire beamed back at her. I purred and went to greet Polly. When I first met her she never smiled, but now she did all the time. She was so beautiful that she lit up everyone with her smile, even me. All my humans were attractive in their own ways but Polly was stunning. Everyone agreed but Polly laughed it off and was probably the least vain person I knew – she was certainly less concerned with her appearance than I was with mine.
‘Hope you don’t mind me popping in but you said that Jon was going to the gym. Matt’s just taken the kids to the park so I’ve managed to escape.’
‘Don’t be silly, of course I don’t mind, come in.’ Claire stood aside.
‘Hi, Alfie.’ Polly bent down to pet me. She and I were good friends now; we had come a long way since we first met.
Claire made a pot of coffee and as they settled round the kitchen table, I manoeuvred myself to sit at Polly’s feet, casually brushing my tail against her legs.
‘I’m not sure I should be drinking coffee,’ Claire said, taking a sip.
‘Are you?’ Polly asked.
‘No, I’m not pregnant but I am ovulating.’
‘Take