‘If you want to wash your hands,’ she suggested when they got to the kitchen; once again performing a stupid hand-washing action pointing to the sink. Will never seemed to scrub up clean, and Mel longed to cut off his hair and get rid of that beard. Aaron had donated some of his clothes, which Will had changed into, but even then he just looked like a dirty homeless man in a smart man’s shirt and trousers.
After giving his hands a cursory rinse, Will continued eyeing her as she dished out the pasta.
‘I take it you still don’t want any,’ she said, pointing to her wine glass.
Will shook his head.
She handed him his plate and some cutlery, indicating it was fine for him to eat in the lounge. He hung back, waiting for Mel to lead the way and then sat down cross-legged on the floor, propped against the other sofa.
Mel was glad of the distance he put between them, but still said: ‘You don’t have to sit there, you know.’ He was looking the other way, so probably didn’t even realize she had spoken. She handed him the remote, thinking he might need the subtitles.
The clock on the TV box said 7.40. Still no news from Karin as yet and Mel had been keeping a close eye on her phone. Had he proposed yet? If so, what had she said?
She realized Will was staring.
‘Good?’ she asked, putting her thumb up.
He gave a solemn bow of his head, continuing to eat.
‘Actually, do you mind if I take a photo to send to Karin? She likes to know you’re eating properly.’
Will shrugged, acknowledging the fact that he probably didn’t have any choice.
‘She worries about you, you know,’ she added, getting him to lift his plate in the air and give a thumbs-up. A smile was out of the question, it seemed, even for Karin.
‘Thanks,’ she said, feeling the need to excuse herself. ‘I have to go and do some work now. But feel free to stay and watch TV.’
Mel went into the kitchen and drank a glass of water, taking another with her upstairs. When she got to her room she thought again about Will’s cold watchful stare. How he moved silently about the house. Suddenly it began to bother her that she had left him downstairs on his own. She liked to monitor his movements, just in case. There had been one or two issues of late.
The girl on reception gave her a glossy smile while Aaron was busy signing the checking-in form in his illegible sprawl. Karin didn’t recognize the girl.
She looked around nervously; her mouth had gone dry. Might Louie still work here? What if Louie discovered that she was living in Leeds and that she had lied about going to the States? Aaron’s details were in the system now; it would be easy to track her down properly this time. Could she never escape?
Karin felt her whole life unravelling.
Please let Louie not be here any more.
When Aaron was done with the paperwork he put his arm across Karin’s shoulders and kissed the top of her head. Their suitcases were instantly swept away as someone else escorted them to the lift. It was strange to be back here. As far as Karin was concerned the past had no place in the present. The only fragments of time she actually wanted to keep were pieced together in the scrapbook of her dad. Not a real scrapbook, the one she carried in her head. Everything else could go.
Memories are pebbles. Pebbles on a beach. Pick up the ones you want and put them in your pocket. Throw the rest into the sea.
It was something else the bereavement counsellor had taught her. But at the time, Karin had only been able to do the pebble thing in her imagination. Her school was a long way from the sea. This was another reason for heading to Morecambe, so she could see those pebbles exploding into the waves.
Karin taught Louie to do the same. They would stand on the beach side by side and throw their ‘bad shit’ into the water together. Sometimes a pebble might wash back up onto the shore; the counsellor warned this might happen. ‘Throw it away again, Karin. That’s if you still don’t want to keep it. Although, you might find that you do. It happens.’
She never did. She would never want to keep any of them, especially the most persistent one of all which drifted back in on every tide. Her stepdad swinging from the beam. That one would never go. Nor would Birgitta. But then Louie became one of those pebbles too. So what on earth was she doing back here in Morecambe at The Midland hotel? After everything she had done to get away. As if leaving Louie hadn’t been agonizing enough.
Karin scanned the foyer. It was magnificent, but she felt exposed. She looked beyond the brilliance of the architecture, the white curvature of the walls; instead, taking note of each member of staff who happened to glide past. With any luck, by now the entire workforce had changed. Working at The Midland had been a lifeline to her, at least for a while. It had given her a focus, a purpose, after she had bailed out of sixth form, trying to get as far away from school as possible. It was Louie who had thrown her this lifeline, putting in a good word when the hotel needed seasonal staff.
As they stepped into the lift, her heart was pounding so hard she feared it would give her away, that Aaron would be able to hear it above the lift’s murmuring as they ascended. She felt him staring, desperate to please her and no doubt trying to gauge her reaction. Although she wanted to make him feel at ease, it was impossible to meet his gaze or give him any sense of reassurance. Not yet. Not until she knew it was safe.
Their bodies jolted to a standstill. Aaron hung back for Karin to step out of the lift first. He had booked them into a luxury roof-top suite. Karin was able to picture it before the door was even opened: the quirky furniture, rotating chairs, the sea view extending the full length of the balcony with its Art Deco curve. The red cushions. Decadent bathroom. Sadly, all she wanted to do was lock herself away in the cleaning cupboard along the corridor.
Why on earth hadn’t he asked her?
‘You okay?’ said Aaron.
‘Yes,’ she replied, suffocating under the pressure. ‘It’s just a bit strange to be back here, that’s all.’
‘In a good way I hope?’
She let the question drift.
‘You always said how wonderful this place is, and I thought—’
‘Of course in a good way.’ Karin leaned into him to show her appreciation. ‘It is amazing. I-I suppose I just never imagined I’d return here again. Not as a guest. Well not as anything really. And it costs a fortune to stay in one of these suites in peak season.’
‘Well you’re worth it, aren’t you?’ Aaron replied, squeezing her shoulders together as he opened the door with his other hand. ‘I know you hate extravagance, but I can assure you I negotiated a very good rate in exchange for putting some corporate events their way.’ He tapped his nose, adding, ‘It’s all about connections.’
Once they were inside with the door closed, Karin began to feel a sense of relief. Able to process things without such trepidation racing through her mind, and she told herself that she would soon get over the shock. It was unlikely that Louie still worked here; had probably moved away by now.
‘Well, you weren’t wrong,’ Aaron remarked, flinging himself onto the bed, hands behind his head, lapping up his surroundings. He beckoned Karin over, so she went and perched beside him, sinking into the luxury of the mattress. Aaron may have noticed that she was clutching her stomach, but didn’t say anything if he did.