‘No. No, ’course not.’ She put down the menu and grabbed his hand. ‘I just need a moment, that’s all. We were straight up to the room and now suddenly in the restaurant. There’re a lot of memories here for me.’
One way or the other though, Karin had to be certain. If it was Louie, then yes, this was all wrong. She pushed back her chair and walked round to the back of Aaron’s, resting her hands on his shoulders and massaging gently, the way he liked it, trying to keep her hands steady. Dropping her fingers down his chest she leant over to kiss him. ‘It’s a lovely thing, Aaron,’ she whispered. ‘But do you mind if I go to the Ladies before we order?’
‘Aren’t you feeling well?’ he called as their hands trailed apart.
‘I’m fine. Back in a minute.’
She walked briskly, her eyes scanning every direction, her heart racing.
Passing through the central bar area.
Clear.
Adjusting quickly to the purple lighting and pinky hue of the booths in the Rotunda Bar.
It was bustling. The weekends were always like that.
Some people stared back at her, wondering what she was all about, but Karin was on a mission and she didn’t apologize for her intrusion. Because if it was Louie that she had seen, they needed to get out of here. Fast. Tell Aaron that she really was ill and return to the room immediately. Leave first thing in the morning. Maybe even tonight.
She swallowed. She could not have Louie back in her life.
Maybe it wasn’t her after all. As Karin’s heartbeat slowed to a more regular pace, she told herself that she must have imagined it and quickened her step towards the Ladies. Feeling Louie’s presence around this place was perfectly normal, her memory playing tricks trying to convince her that Louie was still here. Almost at the Ladies, Karin sensed someone rushing her way, and froze, unable to look. She felt someone brush against her. It was the receptionist returning to the desk. Karin let out a sigh of relief and reached for the door.
‘I knew it was you.’
‘My god!’
Louie had stepped into her face. From nowhere.
‘Louie.’
‘I knew you’d come back. Happy birthday.’
‘No. I-I’m just staying here.’ She still tried to open the door, but Louie was blocking her.
‘What, so that’s it? Seriously? You never even said goodbye to me, Karin.’
‘I know and I’m sorry. I thought that would be the best thing for both of us.’
Karin moved her aside, enough to be able to push on the door with her shoulder, but bashing into it so hard a pain shot down her arm to her elbow. In the same instant, Louie was behind her, jostling her inside.
‘Lou, what the hell are you doing?’
She bundled Karin into the toilet cubicle, the one with the ‘Out of Order’ sign.
‘You owe me an explanation at least,’ she said. Her voice was low but forceful. ‘Why did you just disappear like that?’
Louie was staring at her. Sea-blue eyes. Perfectly sculptured cheekbones. Karin wanted to tell her that longer hair suited her. She was thinner. Perhaps. But she had forgotten how tall Louie was, much taller than she was even in her heels. She smelt of paint and the sea. Karin saw the damage in those eyes, along with her own reflecting back at her, and a dangerous wave of nostalgia swept over her again. It was a time of extremes when nothing else mattered. They were two broken bottles washed up on the beach. And they were young.
She reached her hand up to Louie’s cheek.
It happened quickly. Louie’s lips, firm and hot against hers. Their hands were grasping at each other’s clothing with a sense of urgency. She didn’t protest when Louie undid her dress, or when it fell to the floor, enjoying Louie’s touch on her skin, over her breasts. Karin fumbled under Louie’s apron to undo the zip on her trousers and pulled apart the studs on her shirt. They tried not to make too much noise beating against the partition.
It was over in minutes.
Karin pushed Louie away again. Her hands trembled as she tore off a length of toilet paper. ‘Leave me alone, Louie.’
‘Who’re you with?’
‘Please, Lou, just stay away from me. That won’t ever happen again. I’ve moved on and so should you.’
The intensity of Louie’s stare unnerved her.
Louie slapped her hand against the partition and left.
When Karin heard the door swish to a close, she could finally let some air escape from her lungs. She badly needed to pee. It came out hot and burning, the throbbing sensation a reminder of what she had just done. Louie’s fingers inside her, they knew exactly where to push, where to press. She began to wipe herself down, trying to put herself back together inside and out. What had she just done? The man she loved was waiting out there, possibly going to propose. Karin was capable of many things, but this wasn’t one of them.
When she exited the cubicle, she was relieved to find herself alone. Walking towards the gleaming array of sinks, she tried her best not to look in the long mirror above them, but couldn’t avoid it. The person staring back was unrecognizable. The tell-tale signs: lipstick wrecked, cheeks flushed, hair totally deranged. She regretted coming in search of Louie now. Even the possibility that it was her should have been enough to take evasive action.
Tugging a tissue from the box on the ledge, getting angry when it didn’t come out, Karin began to rub away at the red smears around her mouth and the one streaked across her cheek like some tribal marking. Maybe it wasn’t so bad though. Get rid of the mascara smudges, rearrange the hair, and she might be able to get away with saying she had been sick. If only she could wipe away the last fifteen minutes of her life. If only she could undo many things.
Back at the table, Aaron was waiting anxiously. ‘You’ve been gone ages,’ he said, putting down his glass of water. ‘I was getting worried.’
‘I know, I’m sorry. I felt sick and-and then I was.’
‘Oh no. Really? Here, drink some water.’ He poured a glassful and pushed it towards her.
‘Thanks,’ she replied, gulping it down. ‘I think I’ll be okay now.’
‘Well, should we go back up to the room? I mean—’
‘I’ll order something light and I’ll be fine. Really, I will.’
The damage was done in any case, and her anger was rising. Karin refused to let Louie ruin this for them, and why should they have to leave? But when the smell of sex wafted over her again, she almost changed her mind.
‘Better?’ asked Aaron.
‘Getting there,’ she said, forcing a smile. ‘It’s so hot in here.’
Aaron reached for her hand across the table as she drank some more water. Karin considered it for a moment, because she really didn’t deserve his hand in hers. She didn’t deserve Aaron. But she allowed him to stroke her fingers and heard herself apologizing to him again.
‘No, don’t be sorry,’ he said, the kindness in his voice almost unbearable. ‘You sure you’re all right now?’
‘I’ll be fine.’
He gave her hand a squeeze but Karin was still too embarrassed to look him in the eye. Her hair fell forwards over her face and Aaron pushed it to one side. She raised her head, brave enough to meet his gaze. As she did so, she automatically touched her ear and realized she had lost an earring. The special one from her dad. Karin panicked, quickly pulling her hair forwards, coughing nervously. Luckily Aaron was trying to