I wanted both my mother and her hair back!
Every night after I finished work, I’d take off the Guan Yin pendant Mother had put around my neck, hold it in front of me, and ask the Goddess to protect her – wherever she was now – and remind her to write me.
Now my only comfort was Guigui. Fed with all the delicacies, not only did he grow bigger each day, he also looked cuter. I began to teach him different tricks – carrying things, kneeling, hand-shaking, kowtowing. He was so chubby with his fluffy yellow fur that sometimes he looked like a moon rolling on earth. Whenever he’d given a good show, I’d take him to the kitchen and feed him with more goodies. To repay my generosity (at the customers’ expense), Guigui would tilt his fat head to stare at me curiously, then lick all over my face. He was so cute and affectionate that even when he misbehaved, I had no heart to punish him. One time he peed right under the altar where the White-Browed God was worshipped. I felt so scared that I almost flung him out of the altar room, then frantically wiped the mess clean. The White-Browed God was Peach Blossom Pavilion’s most revered deity – to lure in an endless flow of money and keep the wealthy guests bewitched by the sisters. If Mama had seen the puppy pee right beneath the Money God, she’d have beaten him – and maybe me – severely.
When I was about to scold Guigui, he dropped his head and whimpered, peering at me with big, soulful eyes. So, instead of spanking him hard on his little bottom, I scooped him up and threw him in the air!
Guigui and I became inseparable. When I prayed to Guan Yin, besides my mother, I now included him when asking for the goddess’s protection.
One afternoon, my heart burdened with Mother’s situation, I slipped into Pearl’s room. She was reclining on the sofa, reading a magazine. I watched as she picked up red-dyed watermelon seeds, splitting each between her teeth with a sensuous pop. Then her small tongue would, like a lizard snatching its prey, draw out the egg-shaped flesh into her mouth.
When I stepped across the threshold, she spat out a husk into a celadon bowl, looked up at me, and smiled. ‘Xiang Xiang, shouldn’t you be practising your arts in your room?’
‘Sister Pearl, can you do me a favour?’
‘Come sit with me.’ She put down her magazine. ‘What is it that you want?’
‘To hear you play “Remembering an Old Friend” on the qin.’
‘Why? You have someone to remember?’
‘My mother. I miss her,’ I said, feeling tears stinging my eyes.
Pearl scrutinised me for long moments, then glanced at the clock. ‘All right, I still have some time before my guest arrives.’
She stood up and went to take the qin from underneath her bed. Carefully she peeled off the brocade cover, laid the instrument on the table, burned incense, then tuned the seven strings. After that, she began to play. Again, I was entranced, not only by the music, but also by the movements of her fingers, as graceful as clouds drifting across the sky. Listening to the melodies pour out from her tapered fingers, all my worries seemed to vanish.
When Pearl finished, again I begged her to teach me to play the qin. Again, she refused.
‘Please, Sister Pearl,’ I could hear the urgency in my voice, ‘I only want to learn “Remembering an Old Friend,” so I can play it and think of my mother.’
She didn’t reply, but looked down to study the floral patterns of her skirt.
‘Please, Sister Pearl, just one piece.’
Now she looked up to study me.
‘Just one.’ I raised one finger and pleaded incessantly until her face broke into a smile like the blossoming chrysanthemums on her jacket.
‘All right, you little witch. But Xiang Xiang, promise me you’ll keep this a secret between us. Can you do that?’
I nodded my head like a hungry woodpecker.
‘All right, now go back to your room and wash yourself thoroughly.’
‘Sister Pearl, but you’ve just promised to teach me to play the qin!’
‘Bathing yourself is part of the ritual of playing. After that, you have to burn incense to cleanse the air and meditate to purify your mind, before you can even touch the instrument. Never forget that when you play the qin, you’re not just making music, but communicating with the deepest mysteries of heaven.’
I was too surprised to respond; she went on, ‘I told you it’s hard. Do you still want to learn?’
‘Yes, Sister Pearl!’
‘Good, I like your determination.’ She cast me a sharp glance. ‘In the past, a student had to live with her teacher and wait upon her for two years – preparing tea, cooking, cleaning the house, massaging her sore muscles – before there’d even be any mention of lessons. You’re lucky that I exempt you from all these. Now go to wash!’
‘Thank you, Sister Pearl,’ I yelled, then dashed toward the door.
She called out at my back, ‘Remember, this instrument is sacred. And don’t forget your pipa either.’
I turned around. ‘Sister Pearl, I won’t.’
‘Come back and I’ll teach you how to tune the qin – as well as your mind.’
So from that day on I was secretly learning to play this venerated instrument. At the start of each lesson, I’d meticulously tune the seven silk strings, while stealing glances at Pearl and wishing I could look as beautiful and play as elegantly. I would practise until my fingers bled and grew calloused, and my shoulders felt stiff and sore. But strangely, my heart was filled with joy at the sad tunes of the qin.
Needless to say, I dared not forget singing, painting, nor playing my pipa. Pearl warned me again and again if I didn’t learn the other arts well, she’d stop teaching me the qin. But her worry was unnecessary, for I was good at all my lessons! Mr. Wu, the painting teacher, was so pleased with my talent that he showered me with gifts – brushes of all sizes, ink stones engraved with scenes of the four seasons, rice paper sprinkled with simulated gold flakes. He also praised my poems, telling me that some were so good that they could be used as opera lyrics. He predicted that I’d be famous soon, very soon. Mr. Ma, the opera teacher, said I had a voice like a lark’s, which possessed the charm to entice the sun to rise and cajole it to set. But he also flattered me by continuing to accidentally brush his hand all over my body.
Word about my talents began to spread. Some customers asked to look at my paintings. Some halted by my door to listen to my singing. Others sighed with pleasure when they had a chance to glimpse my fingers performing acrobatics on the pipa. My poems were passed around and discussed as if they were works by Li Bai or Du Fu.
One afternoon while I was practising ‘Spring Moonlight over the River’ on the pipa, Fang Rong burst into my room. She dropped onto the chair, breathing heavily while eyeing me happily. She studied me so hard and so long that I felt colour rise in my cheeks.
‘What is it, Mama?’ I asked, putting down my instrument.
She shot up from the chair and went to the mirror, motioning me to follow her.
Our reflections stared back at us from the polished surface. Mama smiled mischievously, cocking an eye at me. ‘Xiang Xiang, less than a year living in Peach Blossom, see what a lovely girl I’ve made of you.’
I