Fathering down. “Nursing” implies comforting, not only breastfeeding. Fathers can and should “nurse” their babies down to sleep. Place baby in the neck nestle position (see illustration, page) and “dance” or rock your baby to sleep.
One day after explaining the concept of sleep associations to a tired mother, she replied, “My baby has only one sleep association – ME!” If this is you, read – with your partner – chapter 8, “Twenty-three Nighttime Fathering Tips”.
Nestling down. Transferring the sleeping baby from your arms to his bed may prove to be tricky. An abrupt change from being nestled next to a parent’s body to lying alone on a mattress will awaken some babies. To ease your baby through this transition, try the intermediate step of lying down on your bed with your sleeping baby still in your arms. We call this the “teddy bear snuggle”. Once he’s sound asleep (see limp-limb sign opposite), you can ease yourself away and maybe even move him to his own bed.
Sucking down. Sucking is soothing, yet the human pacifier can wear out. Besides the breast or bottle, try your finger or teach baby to find his own hand to suck on.
Patting down. As you are easing baby into her bed, pat her chest or tummy gently and rhythmically, around 60 pats per minute (like your heartbeat). Gradually lighten and slow the patting as she succumbs to sleep. Add some verbal sleep cues (listed on page).
As she was just about to sleep, I’d run my fingers across her face, over her eyes, and down her nose so that her eyes would close.
Touching down. Oh, how babies love to be touched as they fall asleep. Here are some ideas for soothing, loving touches:
Patting – gentle, rhythmic patting on baby’s back or bottom while she is being held in your arms. Gentle patting on her tummy can also be used to soothe a baby who is lying in bed, especially when picking her up might be too stimulating.
Massage – light stroking of baby’s head and back is a favourite.
Skin-to-skin – young babies especially love the familiar feel of your skin on theirs.
sears’ sleep tip for dads:
Avoid the quick release in getting your baby to sleep. Have patience. Sometimes a too-quick release of the feeling of being securely attached to a parent can bother babies and cause them to jerk back awake. If baby continues to wake up when you try to transition him from your arms into his bed or is not falling completely asleep in your arms while rocking or walking, try putting him down on your chest in the neck nestle position or next to you. Once he is fully asleep (you can tell by observing the limp-limb sign – hands unclenched, arms dangling loosely at his side, facial muscles still), then ease yourself away. If baby’s hands are fisted and limbs flexed, chances are he is still in the state of light sleep and will awaken if you try to put him down too quickly.
Wearing down. Place your baby in a baby sling and wear her around the house for a half-hour or so before the designated bedtime. When she is fully asleep in the sling, ease her out of the sling onto your bed. Or, if she’s not fully asleep, lie down with her in the neck nestle or snuggle hold position on your chest. When baby is fully asleep, roll over on your side, slip yourself out of the sling, and let baby lie on the bed on her back using the sling as a cover. Wearing down (or what we also dub “slinging down”) is particularly useful for the reluctant napper. When baby falls asleep in the sling you can both lie down and enjoy a much-needed mutual nap.
Wearing down in a sling.
Rocking or walking down. Try rocking baby to sleep in a bedside rocking chair, or walk with baby, patting her back and singing. To keep the motion going (and keep baby asleep), ease her into a cradle and continue the rocking motion at a rate of about sixty rocks per minute. This is the heartbeat rhythm your baby was used to in the womb.
Swinging down. Try a bedside baby hammock. For most babies, motion, not stillness, signals sleep. Remember how your baby used to sleep during the day when you were pregnant but kept you awake at night when you lay down to sleep. When you were up and around, the motion of your body soothed her into sleep. When you were still, she woke up.
Wind-up swings for winding down babies are a boon to parents when their arms are wearing out. Some infants find the mechanical swing less interesting, if not downright boring, compared to being in the arms of a human being. So, off to sleep they go. Yet some babies are notoriously resistant to mechanical mother substitutes and will protest anything less than the real Mum. Before you actually spend money on a swing, you might want to borrow one for a week or two to see if the spell of the swing will work for your baby. You may discover that you are uncomfortable with mechanical mothering and decide that your baby is better off in your arms.
Driving down. If you’ve tried all the above transitioning techniques and baby still resists falling asleep, place baby in a car seat and drive around until he falls asleep. When you return home and baby is in a deep sleep, carry the infant car seat (with the sleeping baby) into your bedroom and let baby remain in the car seat until the first night waking. If he is in a deep sleep, you may be able to ease him out of the car seat into his own bed.
Using props. Called transitional objects or “cuddlies”, these are favourite toys that help children more easily transition from the familiar and interesting waking world to the world of sleep. Transitional objects should be cuddly, but safe. (See “Sleep Safety”). Rolling over on plastic toys may awaken baby.
Transitional touch. If baby starts to stir as you try to slip her out of your arms or ease away from her in bed, offer the laying on of hands. Place your hand on baby’s chest or tummy and leave it there until she drifts back to sleep. This extra touch is especially important in babies who have a hard time transitioning from your arms into the Moses basket or cot. They need this transitional touch to stay fully asleep. It can save you a trip back to the rocking chair, to soothe an awakened baby back to sleep.
The scent of mother. Leaving in the cot a breast pad or t-shirt mother wore all day may help baby transition from the whole mother at night.
Music to sleep by. A parent softly singing a lullaby is the classic sound cue for babies to go to sleep. Quiet instrumental music is another traditional favourite. Here are some creative ways you can use sound to soothe baby to sleep:
Mum’s musical voice. The soft sounds of Mum’s voice, either in song or in quiet words will mesmerize baby. That’s why they’re called lullabies.
I saved one song, our sleep song, for when it was time to go to sleep. She learned to associate that song with falling asleep.
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