"Hold your noise."
"I'm going. I wasn't told to hold my noise, when our nobs were being scuttled off Beyrout."
"Never mind him, mister lawyer," added the admiral. "He don't know what he's talking about. Never mind him. You go on and tell me all you know about the—the—"
"The vampyre!"
"Ah! I always forget the names of strange fish. I suppose, after all, it's something of the mermaid order?"
"That I cannot say, sir; but certainly the story, in all its painful particulars, has made a great sensation all over the country."
"Indeed!"
"Yes, sir. You shall hear how it occurred. It appears that one night Miss Flora Bannersworth, a young lady of great beauty, and respected and admired by all who knew her was visited by a strange being who came in at the window."
"My eye," said Jack, "it waren't me, I wish it had a been."
"So petrified by fear was she, that she had only time to creep half out of the bed, and to utter one cry of alarm, when the strange visitor seized her in his grasp."
"D—n my pig tail," said Jack, "what a squall there must have been, to be sure."
"Do you see this bottle?" roared the admiral.
"To be sure, I does; I think as it's time I seed another."
"You scoundrel, I'll make you feel it against that d——d stupid head of yours, if you interrupt this gentleman again."
"Don't be violent."
"Well, as I was saying," continued the attorney, "she did, by great good fortune, manage to scream, which had the effect of alarming the whole house. The door of her chamber, which was fast, was broken open."
"Yes, yes—"
"Ah," cried Jack.
"You may imagine the horror and the consternation of those who entered the room to find her in the grasp of a fiend-like figure, whose teeth were fastened on her neck, and who was actually draining her veins of blood."
"The devil!"
"Before any one could lay hands sufficiently upon the figure to detain it, it had fled precipitately from its dreadful repast. Shots were fired after it in vain."
"And they let it go?"
"They followed it, I understand, as well as they were able, and saw it scale the garden wall of the premises; there it escaped, leaving, as you may well imagine, on all their minds, a sensation of horror difficult to describe."
"Well, I never did hear anything the equal of that. Jack, what do you think of it?"
"I haven't begun to think, yet," said Jack.
"But what about my nephew, Charles?" added the admiral.
"Of him I know nothing."
"Nothing?"
"Not a word, admiral. I was not aware you had a nephew, or that any gentleman bearing that, or any other relationship to you, had any sort of connexion with these mysterious and most unaccountable circumstances. I tell you all I have gathered from common report about this vampyre business. Further I know not, I assure you."
"Well, a man can't tell what he don't know. It puzzles me to think who could possibly have written me this letter."
"That I am completely at a loss to imagine," said Crinkles. "I assure you, my gallant sir, that I am much hurt at the circumstance of any one using my name in such a way. But, nevertheless, as you are here, permit me to say, that it will be my pride, my pleasure, and the boast of the remainder of my existence, to be of some service to so gallant a defender of my country, and one whose name, along with the memory of his deeds, is engraved upon the heart of every Briton."
"Quite ekal to a book, he talks," said Jack. "I never could read one myself, on account o' not knowing how, but I've heard 'em read, and that's just the sort o' incomprehensible gammon."
"We don't want any of your ignorant remarks," said the admiral, "so you be quiet."
"Ay, ay, sir."
"Now, Mister Lawyer, you are an honest fellow, and an honest fellow is generally a sensible fellow."
"Sir, I thank you."
"If so be as what this letter says is true, my nephew Charles has got a liking for this girl, who has had her neck bitten by a vampyre, you see."
"I perceive, sir."
"Now what would you do?"
"One of the most difficult, as well, perhaps, as one of the most ungracious of tasks," said the attorney, "is to interfere with family affairs. The cold and steady eye of reason generally sees things in such very different lights to what they appear to those whose feelings and whose affections are much compromised in their results."
"Very true. Go on."
"Taking, my dear sir, what in my humble judgment appears to be a reasonable view of this subject, I should say it would be a dreadful thing for your nephew to marry into a family any member of which was liable to the visitations of a vampyre."
"It wouldn't be pleasant."
"The young lady might have children."
"Oh, lots," cried Jack.
"Hold your noise, Jack."
"Ay, ay, sir."
"And she might herself actually, when after death she became a vampyre, come and feed on her own children."
"Become a vampyre! What, is she going to be a vampyre too?"
"My dear sir, don't you know that it is a remarkable fact, as regards the physiology of vampyres, that whoever is bitten by one of those dreadful beings, becomes a vampyre?"
"The devil!"
"It is a fact, sir."
"Whew!" whistled Jack; "she might bite us all, and we should be a whole ship's crew o' wamphighers. There would be a confounded go!"
"It's not pleasant," said the admiral, as he rose from his chair, and paced to and fro in the room, "it's not pleasant. Hang me up at my own yard-arm if it is."
"Who said it was?" cried Jack.
"Who asked you, you brute?"
"Well, sir," added Mr. Crinkles, "I have given you all the information I can; and I can only repeat what I before had the honour of saying more at large, namely, that I am your humble servant to command, and that I shall be happy to attend upon you at any time."
"Thank ye—thank ye, Mr.—a—a—"
"Crinkles."
"Ah, Crinkles. You shall hear from me again, sir, shortly. Now that I am down here, I will see to the very bottom of this affair, were it deeper than fathom ever sounded. Charles Holland was my poor sister's son; he's the only relative I have in the wide world, and his happiness is dearer to my heart than my own."
Crinkles turned aside, and, by the twinkle of his eyes, one might premise that the honest little lawyer was much affected.
"God bless you, sir," he said; "farewell."
"Good day to you."
"Good-bye, lawyer," cried Jack. "Mind how you go. D—n me, if you don't seem a decent sort of fellow, and, after all, you may give the devil a clear berth, and get into heaven's straits with a flowing sheet, provided as you don't, towards the end of the voyage, make any lubberly blunders."
The old admiral threw himself into a chair with a deep sigh.
"Jack,"