Alien Stories. E.C. Osondu

the bank. You are never going to catch your alien ward with his hand in the cookie jar, literally or metaphorically. They will not sass you back or slam the door.

      This might surprise you. Some parents have even found this fact to be frustrating, and have actually started to wish that their ward would break the rules. Some even look for ways to make them break the rules so they can feel they are actually fulfilling their parental duty. Indeed, many have concluded that their only real function as parents is to correct their children when they stray from the straight and narrow path. It comes as a surprise to them when they discover that alien children don’t need to be disciplined. Their society follows a strict command and obedience structure, you see.

      Sit, you tell them, and they sit.

      Do not ever open that door, you say, and they’ll never touch it.

      Always tuck in your shirt, you say, and they always will.

      Always say please and thank you, and they’ll say it without fail.

      Always tidy your bed when you wake up in the morning. They will tidy their bed without fail.

      Don’t forget to always keep that door closed, and they never forget.

      Alien babies know how to obey rules. They thrive on rules. The worst thing that you can tell an alien baby is that they are free to do as they like. Do not be surprised if they beg you to tell them what to do. Free will makes us human and it is the absence of free will that makes an alien an alien. For them, the chain of command is important. An alien child is never going to test boundaries or try to see how far they can push you. You set the rules. Tell them what to do, and how to do it.

      Finally the day comes. You always knew it would, though you didn’t realize that it would come so soon. Your alien ward must return to their mother planet. The ship lands on your well-manicured lawn. Your eyes grow misty, but perhaps it’s just your seasonal allergies, triggered by the freshly cut grass. Your alien baby runs to the spacecraft. You linger at your front door. You wave, and they wave back. You watch the door close. The spacecraft takes off. You wave again, and keep waving at your alien baby until the spacecraft has completely disappeared. Your hands do not feel tired. You feel no ache and so you close your eyes and continue to wave.