I was “Date Raped”, no voice, no power, no family near. I was full of confusion! A virgin and my IT was gone! I was confused about the entire experience. I told myself “well I am dating him, so it was ok.” Because of my beliefs, I would remain with Marco. I was determined that I would marry the man that I lost my virginity. I was a good Christian girl and I listened very well to my grandmother.
As the weeks went on, I became depressed. I remembered taking walks on campus. The campus had wonderful scenic views of the West Virginia Appalachian Mountains. Although their gorgeous appearance would brighten anyone’s day, I would stare at the mountains and sob. I was going through a transformational time in my life without any moral and emotional support.
I Stayed
Despite my confused feelings, I remained in the relationship with Marco. My main reason, he got my IT. My IT was important to me because my grandmother told me to protect it. She told me a girl should cherish her IT. I spent my teenage years protecting my IT. My boyfriends tried to ask for the IT. Once they asked for the IT, we were no longer dating. My IT became a teenage topic of discussion. I was called the last virgin of Mount Union. I did not care. I brushed it off and kept it moving. I was proud to be a virgin. Marco got my IT, therefore, I stayed!
I shifted my focus on college. My main goal was to get my associate degree in Legal Administration. Marco’s goal was to become a pharmacist. He studied Chemistry. For two years, we both studied diligently. I received my associate degree in Legal Administration. Marco received his associate degree in chemistry. We moved to Woodbridge, Virginia. We stayed with my Aunt Mia. I began working as a Patent Law legal secretary in Arlington, Virginia. Marco transferred to Howard University. Marco needed to complete his bachelors degree.
Marco and I placed a deposit on our first apartment. With excitement, we arrived at the rental office to pick up keys to the apartment. Upon our arrival, the excitement quickly diminished when the staff informed us the apartment was no longer available. Marco and I left disappointed. I looked in his eyes and could see he was angry. I tried to console him. All of a sudden, he raised his hand and slapped me across the face. I was stunned! I remembered looking at the highway behind me. The cars were heading toward the Pentagon. I looked back at him. He just stared at me. His facial expression remained the same. He showed no remorse. I was hurt and confused.
We moved back in with my Aunt Mia. Three weeks later, we were able to find a one bedroom apartment in Alexandria, Virginia. The apartment was approximately two miles from the first apartment. The apartment was beautiful. It had hard wood floors, a nice sized living and dining room area, separate kitchen, bathroom and bedroom.
I thought the slap across the face was an isolated incident. One day, I arranged a lunch date with my cousin, Dawn. She also lived in Alexandria. Before my leaving for lunch, Marco inspected my clothes. He told me to change my shirt. I was wearing a white T-Shirt and shorts. After he went to go study, I decided to wear what I had on and not change my shirt. After my lunch date, Marco surprisingly met me at the bus stop. He saw that I was wearing the t-shirt that he had forbidden me to wear. We got on the bus. He gently pushed me up against the window. He whispered in my ear. He said; “Wait until we get home.”When we got home, he slapped me across the face. I ran from one end of the apartment to the other end with no escape. He raped me! After he raped me, I stood in front of him crying. He gently touched me and said; “sorry.” He asked me to give him a blow job. Forcefully, he held my head, I placed one knee at a time down on the hardwood floor. He opened his legs. He enjoyed it! I thought it was disgusting! Tears flowed from my eyes. All I could think about was "how I would get out of this?”
After the beatings and rapes, I felt alone and isolated. I could not share what I was going through with anyone. I felt my mother betrayed me. My sister did not need to hear my pain. She joined the military and was in Europe.
The longer I did not fight back the more I endured. One evening, Marco made me sit in between his legs as we watched television. He held a carpet cutter up against my throat. For thirty minutes, he told me not to move. I shivered and I did not move! I had no control over the outcome. I just breathed slowly and pretended to watch T.V. After the Cosby show, he asked me to make him dinner. As tears rolled down my face, he apologized. He came and caressed me and asked me not to cry. I said to him; “You are the one making me cry”. That evening I wallowed in my tears, feeling alone.
An abuser always knows how to weaken you. The rapes, the beatings, the sodomy were not enough. One evening he turned off the light. I was dragged into the bathroom. We both stood in between the toilet and bathtub. He held my head tightly. He told me that he would cut off my breasts if I did not obey him.
The thoughts of leaving were my everyday daydream. But then I would hear Marco’s voice inside my head. Marco would often share with me how his sister was stabbed and murdered by her boyfriend. Her boyfriend thought she was cheating on him. Her murder changed his entire family’s outlook on life.
Marco’s family valued him. They knew he would be the most successful. Marco, just like myself, was considered a disadvantaged youth. He joined the Job Corps to get his associate degree. Marco was raised by a single mother. She was on welfare. He grew up in the projects of Pittsburgh. He called the projects “The Hill”. The Hill is considered one of the toughest parts of Pittsburgh. Marco survived the streets. Marco sent money home to help his family. When we
would visit his family, he would buy food for them. While visiting his family, Marco and I would
often visit his mentor. He owned a pharmacy. Marco would talk about his first job. He was grateful for having a father figure. Marco could easily charm people. He had strong work ethics. He had a sense of humor. He was a dedicated employee and friend. While Marco displayed great characteristics, I experienced Marco’s dark, controlling, intense, vicious, demeaning, and dangerous sides.
Beginning To Transition
I wanted to forget the secret I was hiding. I concentrated on my career. Being a legal secretary at a patent law firm became boring. I began searching for another job. I interviewed for a secretarial position at the George Mason University School of Law in Arlington, Virginia. I was ecstatic when I got the job. The transition was welcomed and I enjoyed being in an environment where higher learning was the ultimate achievement.
One day, while answering the phones, I was introduced to David Johnson. David was an incoming Law Student. When I looked at David, I was immediately attracted to his good looks, confidence, and intelligence. David was the Lenny Kravitz of GMU Law School. He made it very “cool” to be a law student. David was sexy as hell and he certainly had my attention. David's smooth smile would make any woman’s heart melt. David displayed charm, confidence, and grace easily. I wanted those qualities.
I needed to get to know him. David would frequently visit my desk and say hello and we would engage in light conversation. During one of our conversations, David asked if I had a boyfriend and I told him yes. David's response was¸"That is too bad, there are lots of guys in this school that would like to get to know you, including myself.” I was flattered and I wanted to get to know him too!
Each week, David would stop by my desk to say hello. I would always respond; “I’m fine.” One afternoon , David asked how I was doing and I responded