Bene. By my sword, Beatrice, thou lovest me.
Beat. Do not swear and eat it.
Bene. I will swear by it that you love me, and I will make him eat it that says I love not you.
Beat. Will you not eat your word?
Bene. With no sauce that can be devis’d to it. I protest I love thee.
Beat. Why then God forgive me!
Bene. What offense, sweet Beatrice?
Beat. You have stay’d me in a happy hour, I was about to protest I lov’d you.
Bene. And do it with all thy heart.
Beat. I love you with so much of my heart that none is left to protest.
Bene. Come, bid me do any thing for thee.
Beat. Kill Claudio.
Bene. Ha, not for the wide world.
Beat. You kill me to deny it. Farewell.
Bene. Tarry, sweet Beatrice.
Beat. I am gone, though I am here; there is no love in you. Nay, I pray you let me go.
Bene. Beatrice—
Beat. In faith, I will go.
Bene. We’ll be friends first.
Beat. You dare easier be friends with me than fight with mine enemy.
Bene. Is Claudio thine enemy?
Beat. Is ’a not approv’d in the height a villain, that hath slander’d, scorn’d, dishonor’d my kinswoman? O that I were a man! What, bear her in hand until they come to take hands, and then with public accusation, uncover’d slander, unmitigated rancor—O God, that I were a man! I would eat his heart in the market-place.
Bene. Hear me, Beatrice—
Beat. Talk with a man out at a window! a proper saying!
Bene. Nay, but, Beatrice—
Beat. Sweet Hero, she is wrong’d, she is sland’red, she is undone.
Bene. Beat—
Beat. Princes and counties! Surely a princely testimony, a goodly count, Count Comfect, a sweet gallant surely! O that I were a man for his sake! or that I had any friend would be a man for my sake! But manhood is melted into cur’sies, valor into compliment, and men are only turn’d into tongue, and trim ones too. He is now as valiant as Hercules that only tells a lie, and swears it. I cannot be a man with wishing, therefore I will die a woman with grieving.
Bene. Tarry, good Beatrice. By this hand, I love thee.
Beat. Use it for my love some other way than swearing by it.
Bene. Think you in your soul the Count Claudio hath wrong’d Hero?
Beat. Yea, as sure as I have a thought or a soul.
Bene. Enough, I am engag’d, I will challenge him. I will kiss your hand, and so I leave you. By this hand, Claudio shall render me a dear account. As you hear of me, so think of me. Go comfort your cousin. I must say she is dead; and so farewell.
[Exeunt.]
¶
[Scene II]
Enter the Constables [Dogberry and Verges] and the Town Clerk [or Sexton] in gowns, [and the Watch with Conrade and] Borachio.
Dog. Is our whole dissembly appear’d?
Verg. O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton.
Sex. Which be the malefactors?
Dog. Marry, that am I and my partner.
Verg. Nay, that’s certain, we have the exhibition to examine.
Sex. But which are the offenders that are to be examin’d? Let them come before Master Constable.
Dog. Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is your name, friend?
Bora. Borachio.
Dog. Pray write down Borachio. Yours, sirrah?
Con. I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.
Dog. Write down Master Gentleman Conrade. Masters, do you serve God?
Both [Con., Bora.] Yea, sir, we hope.
Dog. Write down, that they hope they serve God; and write God first, for God defend but God should go before such villains! Masters, it is prov’d already that you are little better than false knaves, and it will go near to be thought so shortly. How answer you for yourselves?
Con. Marry, sir, we say we are none.
Dog. A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you, but I will go about with him. Come you hither, sirrah; a word in your ear, sir. I say to you, it is thought you are false knaves.
Bora. Sir, I say to you, we are none.
Dog. Well, stand aside. ’Fore God, they are both in a tale. Have you writ down, that they are none?
Sex. Master Constable, you go not the way to examine; you must call forth the watch that are their accusers.
Dog. Yea, marry, that’s the eftest way; let the watch come forth. Masters, I charge you in the Prince’s name accuse these men.
1. Watch. This man said, sir, that Don John, the Prince’s brother, was a villain.
Dog. Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat perjury, to call a prince’s brother villain.
Bora. Master Constable—
Dog. Pray thee, fellow, peace. I do not like thy look, I promise thee.
Sex. What heard you him say else?
2. Watch. Marry, that he had receiv’d a thousand ducats of Don John for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.
Dog. Flat burglary as ever was committed.
Verg. Yea, by mass, that it is.
Sex. What else, fellow?
1. Watch. And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to disgrace Hero before the whole assembly, and not marry her.
Dog. O villain! thou wilt be condemn’d into everlasting redemption for this.
Sex. What else?
[1. And 2.] Watch. This is all.
Sex. And this is more, masters, than you can deny. Prince John is this morning secretly stol’n away. Hero was in this manner accus’d, in this very manner refus’d, and upon the grief of this suddenly died. Master Constable, let these men be bound, and brought to Leonato’s. I will go before and show him their examination.
[Exit.]
[Dog.] Come let them be opinion’d.
Verg. Let them be in the hands—
[Con.]