3. Further, it might have pleased the Lord to incapacitate me altogether for active service, but instead of this, He has still allowed me, in some small measure, to help by my judgment in some church matters, to write some letters in His service, to speak now and then a word to believers for the furtherance of their faith, and to confess His name repeatedly before unconverted persons, with whom I have met on my journeys. Besides all this, I have had strength for other work connected with the kingdom of Jesus Christ.
4. In one other point the Lord has been especially gracious to me, in that, while I have been unable to preach, unable to write or read much, or even to converse for any length of time with the brethren, He has allowed me always sufficient strength for as much secret prayer as I desired. Even praying with others has been often trying to my head; but prayer in secret has not only never tried my head, but has been habitually (I mean the act of prayer) a relief to my head. Oh! how can I sufficiently praise God for this. How comparatively slight are any trials to a child of God, as long as under them he is enabled to converse freely with his Father! And so sweet has been this communion with my Father, a few times, and so have I been enabled to pour out my heart before Him, that whilst those favoured seasons have lasted, I not only felt the affliction to be no affliction, and could call it, from my heart, sweet affliction; but I was almost unwilling soon to go back to the multiplicity of engagements in Bristol, lest I should not have leisure to continue so much in prayer, meditation, and the study of His word. Shall I not then praise my Father for such dealings with me? Do I not even now see this affliction working for my good? I say, therefore, after the inward man: Father, continue Thy hand upon me, as long as it shall seem good in Thy sight, only bless my soul!-But, brethren, do not mistake me, as if I meant that I prayed habitually with much earnestness. O no! I pray a little habitually, I pray now and then much; but I pray by no means as much as my strength and present time allow me. Therefore ask God on my behalf, that grace may be given me, habitually to pray much; and you will surely be profited by it.—But I could not help alluding to this point, as the Lords kindness is so particularly seen in this matter.
5. Lastly, I cannot omit mentioning the kindness of the Lord, in opening the houses of some of His children at Bath, Trowbridge, and Oxford for me, during this my affliction. These dear saints have shown me much kindness. But while I would be grateful to them for it, I discern the hand of God in influencing their hearts. Moreover, I have had kind medical attendants. And you, my dear brethren, though I have been unable to minister among you, have continued to supply my temporal wants, for which I thank you, and in all of which I see the gracious, loving hand of my Father, who through all this, as by a voice from heaven, tells me: "My child, even bodily health and strength would I give, were it good for thee." I therefore desire to wait for the good pleasure of my God concerning this point.
Your love will naturally ask, how I now am in body. My disease, as my kind medical friends tell me, is an inactive liver, which causes the pain in the head, and the inability of exerting my mind for any length of time. In addition to this, the nerves of the head seem to have suffered through over-exertion. As medicine had been tried for about ten weeks, and had not given relief, it appeared well, that I should give it up for a time, and simply travel about for the benefit of the air. My own experience teaches me, that this means is beneficial; for it gives almost immediate relief. In consequence of this, I left Trowbridge last Friday, and arrived on Saturday evening at Oxford, where I am staying with dear brother and sister B. I have here all that brotherly love can do for me, and am in every way comfortable. It is now a week since I have given up medicine, and I am at least not worse, if not better; but I think I am a little better. I wait on the Lord to show me His will, as to the place to which I should go next.
As to my inner man, I am in peace, generally in peace, and long for more conformity to the mind of Christ. My chief desire is, that if it shall ever please the Lord to restore me again, to be sent back to active service with increased humility, greater earnestness in the work, greater love for perishing sinners, and a heart habitually influenced by the truths which I preach.—Whether I shall ever be restored for the work, I cannot say with certainty; but, if I may judge from the Lords dealings with me in former times, I have reason to believe, that I shall yet be allowed to labour again.
In conclusion, dear brethren, pray for my dear brother and fellow-labourer. Esteem him highly in the Lord; for He is worthy of all honour.-I would write more, for I have much more to speak of; but as I purpose, if God allows me the pleasure, to write again soon, I leave it till then. Farewell.
Your affectionate brother and servant in the Lord,
GEORGE MULLER.
Feb. 13. These ten days I have been staying in Oxford, though I came only for one or two; but I have stayed to see the Lords hand leading me away from hence. I have now been led to decide on going to Lutterworth to see brother-, to converse with him about accompanying him on a journey to the Continent, with reference to Missionary objects. When I had come to this decision, I took another ride, the horse being well again; but now this formerly quiet horse was self-willed and shy, which does not at all suit me in the weak state of my nervous system. As horse exercise had kept me here longer than I had intended to stay, and as I cannot now ride on this horse which before suited me so well, I see, even in this, in itself, trifling circumstance, a confirmation that I had been right in my decision to leave Oxford.
Feb. 16. Lutterworth. I arrived here on the evening of the 14th. I have been decidedly worse since I have been here, and was obliged again to have recourse to medicine. A brother having strongly recommended me, whilst in Oxford, to go to Leamington on account of my health, and having at the same time offered to pay my expenses during my stay there, and being now so very unwell again, and so near Leamington, I decided to-night upon accepting his kindness, provided that my kind physician in Bristol had no objection.
Feb. 17. Leamington. I left Lutterworth this morning, where I have received much kindness. There was no inside place, and I was very unwell; but the fear of being quite laid up at Lutterworth, and becoming burthensome to those dear saints who had received me into their house though a stranger to them; and having still no desirable medical advice; and the remembrance that the Lord had graciously enabled me, even lately, to travel outside in cold weather; induced me to get on the coach, and I rode off in a heavy fall of snow. But God had mercy. After eight miles ride, at Rugby, I obtained an inside place. The rest of the way was crowned with mercies. I had a room to myself at Southam, found a suitable dinner just ready, had an inside place to Leamington, and was preserved by the way, though the coachman was quite intoxicated, and drove furiously.—I had asked the Lord to let me find a suitable and cheap lodging at Leamington, and the first lodging I saw I took, for which I pay only ten shillings weekly. Thus, a few minutes after my arrival, I sat comfortably at my own fireside. How very kind of the Lord!
Feb. 26. Yesterday and today I have suffered again in my head, though I have been on the whole better since I have taken the Leamington waters. But far more trying has been the internal conflict which I have had. Grace fought against evil suggestions of one kind and another, and prevailed; but it was a very trying season. This was much increased by receiving neither yesterday nor today a letter from my dear wife. Grace sought out for reasons why she had not written; nevertheless it was a very trying season. Today I earnestly prayed to God to send my wife to me, as I feel that by being alone, and afflicted as I am in my bead, and thus fit for little mental employment, Satan gets an advantage over me.
Feb. 27. God has had mercy upon me. The sore and sharp trial, the very bitter conflict is over.—This morning also I received a letter, which ought to have come yesterday, and which showed me that my dear wife had not been remiss in writing. She announced her purpose of coming today, and God, in mercy to me, brought her safely.
March 3. My head has been on the whole better these two weeks, than it has been for several months; but still I am not well. I have walked every day, for the last thirteen days, between three and four hours a day, and by the mercy of God am able