‘It should have been told before, how that when Captain Hare first rose this night (who lay in the Bed-Chamber next the fire) he found their Book of valuations crosse the embers smoaking, which he snacht up, and cast upon the Table there, which, the night before, was left upon the Table in the presence, amongst their other papers. This Book was, in the morning, found a handful burnt, and had burnt the Table where it lay; Brown the Clerk said, he would not for a 100 and a 100l. that it had been burnt a handful further.
‘This night it happened that there were six Cony-stealers, who were come with their Nets and Ferrets to the Cony-burrows by Rosamond’s Well, but with the noise this night from the Mannor-house, they were so terrified, that, like men distracted, away they ran, and left their Haies all ready pitched, ready up, and the Ferrets in the Cony-burrows.
‘Now the Commissioners, more sensible of their danger, considered more seriously of their safety, and agreed to go and confer with Mr. Hoffman, the Minister of Wotton (a man not of the meanest note for life or learning, by some esteemed more high) to desire his advice, together with his company and prayers. Mr. Hoffman held it too high a point to resolve on suddenly and by himself, wherefore, desired time to consider upon it, which, being agreed unto, he forthwith rode to Mr. Jenkinson and Mr. Wheat, the two next Justices of Peace, to try what Warrant they could give him for it. They both (as ’tis said from themselves) encouraged him to be assisting to the Commissioners, according to his calling.
By which it is to be noted that a Presbyterian Minister dares not encounter an Independent Devil.
‘But certain it is, that when they came to fetch him to go with them, Mr. Hoffman answered, That he would not lodge there one night, for £500, and being askt to pray with them, he held up his hands, and said, That he would not meddle upon any terms.
‘Mr. Hoffman refusing to undertake the quarrel, the Commissioners held it not safe to lodge where they had been thus entertained, any longer, but caused all things to be removed into the Chambers over the Gatehouse, where they staid but one night, and what rest they enjoyed there, we have but an uncertain relation of, for they went away early the next morning; but if it may be held fit to set down what hath been delivered by the report of others, they were also the same night much affrighted with dreadful apparitions; but, observing that these passages spread much in discourse, to be also in particulars taken notice of, and that the nature of it made not for their cause, they agreed to the concealing of the things for the future; yet this is well known and certain, that the Gate-keeper’s wife was in so strange an agony in her bed, and in her bed-chamber such noise (whilst her husband was above with the Commissioners) that two maids in the next room to her durst not venture to assist her, but, affrighted, ran out to call company, and their Master, and found the woman (at their coming in) gasping for breath: and the next day said that she saw and suffered that, which, for all the world, she would not be hired to again.
From Woodstock the Commissioners removed unto Euelme, and some of them returned to Woodstock, the Sunday sennight after (the Book of Valuations wanting something that was, for haste, left imperfect), but lodged not in any of those rooms where they had lain before, and yet were not unvisited (as they confess themselves) by the Devil, whom they called their nightly guest. Captain Crooke came not untill Tuesday night, and how he sped that night, the gate-keeper’s wife can tell, if she dareth; but, what she hath whispered to her gossips, shall not be made a part of this our Narrative, nor any more particulars which have fallen from the Commissioners themselves, and their servants to other persons; they are all, or most of them alive, and may add to it when they please, and, surely, have not a better way to be revenged of him who troubled them, than according to the Proverb, tell truth and shame the Devil.
There remains this observation to be added, that on a Wednesday morning, all these Officers went away; And that, since then, diverse persons of severall qualities, have lodged often and sometimes long in the same rooms both in the presence, withdrawing room and bed Chamber belonging unto his Sacred Majesty, yet none have had the least disturbance, or heard the smallest noise, for which the cause was not as ordinary, as apparent; except the Commissioners and their company, who came in order to the alienating and pulling down the house, which is well nigh performed.’
As to the authenticity of the above, we are told in the Preface: ‘And now, as to the Penman of this Narrative, know that he was a Divine, and, at the time of those things acted, which are here related, the Minister and Schoolmaster of Woodstock, a person learned and discreet, nor byassed with factious humours, his name Widows, who, each day, put in writing what he heard from their mouthes, (and such things as they told to have befallen them the night before), therein keeping to their own words.’
There was also a metrical account6 of these strange doings, printed in the year in which they occurred; but although it exactly tallies with the prose as above, it is not written in so refined a strain.
The British Magazine for April, 1747 (vol. ii., p. 156) professes to give ‘The genuine history of the good devil of Woodstock, famous in the world in the year 1649, and never accounted for, or at all understood to this time.’ It is by an anonymous writer, who says he found it in some original papers which had lately fallen into his hands, ‘under the name of authentick memoirs of the memorable Joseph Collins of Oxford, commonly known by the name of funny Joe,’ and it puts forth that this said Joe, under the name of Giles Sharp, entered the service of the Commissioners as a servant, and with the help of two friends, an unknown trap-door in the ceiling of the bedchamber, and some fulminating mercury, played the part of the Devil; but as the document is not known to be in existence, and is only mentioned in the pages of a magazine a hundred years afterwards, the reader may attach whatever credit he pleases to it. At all events, it proves that something very extraordinary, according to popular rumour, did take place at Woodstock during the Commissioners’ occupation.
Chapter IV.
‘The Dæmon of Tedworth.’
‘THE DÆMON OF TEDWORTH.7
‘Master John Mompesson, of Tedworth in Wiltshire, being about the middle of March, in the year 1661, at a neighbouring Town, called Ludgarshal, heard a Drum beat there, and being concerned as a Commission Officer in the Militia, he enquired of the Bayliffe of the Town, at whose House he then was, what it meant. The Bayliffe told him that they had for some dayes been troubled by that Idle Drummer, who demanded money of the Constable, by virtue of a pretended pass, which he thought was counterfeit. Upon this Information Master Mompesson sent for the fellow, and ask’d him by what Authority he went up and down the Countrey in that manner, demanding money, and keeping a clutter with his Drum?