GOVERNOR. Don't believe them, don't believe them. They are rank liars; a mere child wouldn't believe them. They are known all over town as liars. And as for cheating, I venture to inform you that there are no swindlers like them in the whole of creation.
ANNA. Do you know what honor Ivan Aleksandrovich is bestowing upon us? He is asking for our daughter's hand.
GOVERNOR. What are you talking about? Mother has lost her wits. Please do not be angry, your Excellency. She has a touch of insanity. Her mother was like that, too.
KHLESTAKOV. Yes, I am really asking for your daughter's hand. I am in love with her.
GOVERNOR. I cannot believe it, your Excellency.
ANNA. But when you are told!
KHLESTAKOV. I am not joking. I could go crazy, I am so in love.
GOVERNOR. I daren't believe it. I am unworthy of such an honor.
KHLESTAKOV. If you don't consent to give me your daughter Marya Antonovna's hand, then I am ready to do the devil knows what.
GOVERNOR. I cannot believe it. You deign to joke, your Excellency.
ANNA. My, what a blockhead! Really! When you are told over and over again!
GOVERNOR. I can't believe it.
KHLESTAKOV. Give her to me, give her to me! I am a desperate man and I may do anything. If I shoot myself, you will have a law-suit on your hands.
GOVERNOR. Oh, my God! I am not guilty either in thought or in action. Please do not be angry. Be pleased to act as your mercy wills. Really, my head is in such a state I don't know what is happening. I have turned into a worse fool than I've ever been in my life.
ANNA. Well, give your blessing.
Khlestakov goes up to Marya Antonovna.
GOVERNOR. May God bless you, but I am not guilty. [Khlestakov kisses Marya. The Governor looks at them.] What the devil! It's really so. [Rubs his eyes.] They are kissing. Oh, heavens! They are kissing. Actually to be our son-in-law! [Cries out, jumping with glee.] Ho, Anton! Ho, Anton! Ho, Governor! So that's the turn events have taken!
SCENE XVI
The same and Osip.
OSIP. The horses are ready.
KHLESTAKOV. Oh! All right. I'll come presently.
GOVERNOR. What's that? Are you leaving?
KHLESTAKOV. Yes, I'm going.
GOVERNOR. Then when—that is—I thought you were pleased to hint at a wedding.
KHLESTAKOV. Oh—for one minute only—for one day—to my uncle, a rich old man. I'll be back tomorrow.
GOVERNOR. We would not venture, of course, to hold you back, and we hope for your safe return.
KHLESTAKOV. Of course, of course, I'll come back at once. Good-by, my dear—no, I simply can't express my feelings. Good-by, my heart. [Kisses Marya's hand.]
GOVERNOR. Don't you need something for the road? It seems to me you were pleased to be short of cash.
KHLESTAKOV, Oh, no, what for? [After a little thought.] However, if you like.
GOVERNOR. How much will you have?
KHLESTAKOV. You gave me two hundred then, that is, not two hundred, but four hundred—I don't want to take advantage of your mistake—you might let me have the same now so that it should be an even eight hundred.
GOVERNOR. Very well. [Takes the money out of his pocket-book.] The notes happen to be brand-new, too, as though on purpose.
KHLESTAKOV. Oh, yes. [Takes the bills and looks at them.] That's good. They say new money means good luck.
GOVERNOR. Quite right.
KHLESTAKOV. Good-by, Anton Antonovich. I am very much obliged to you for your hospitality. I admit with all my heart that I have never got such a good reception anywhere. Good-by, Anna Andreyevna. Good-by, my sweet-heart, Marya Antonovna.
All go out.
Behind the Scenes.
KHLESTAKOV. Good-by, angel of my soul, Marya Antonovna.
GOVERNOR. What's that? You are going in a plain mail-coach?
KHLESTAKOV. Yes, I'm used to it. I get a headache from a carriage with springs.
POSTILION. Ho!
GOVERNOR. Take a rug for the seat at least. If you say so, I'll tell them to bring a rug.
KHLESTAKOV. No, what for? It's not necessary. However, let them bring a rug if you please.
GOVERNOR. Ho, Avdotya. Go to the store-room and bring the very best rug from there, the Persian rug with the blue ground. Quick!
POSTILION. Ho!
GOVERNOR. When do you say we are to expect you back?
KHLESTAKOV. Tomorrow, or the day after.
OSIP. Is this the rug? Give it here. Put it there. Now put some hay on this side.
POSTILION. Ho!
OSIP. Here, on this side. More. All right. That will be fine. [Beats the rug down with his hand.] Now take the seat, your Excellency.
KHLESTAKOV. Good-by, Anton Antonovich.
GOVERNOR. Good-by, your Excellency.
ANNA } MARYA} Good-by, Ivan Aleksandrovich.
KHLESTAKOV. Good-by, mother.
POSTILION. Get up, my boys!
The bell rings and the curtain drops.
ACT V
SCENE: Same as in Act IV.
SCENE I
Governor, Anna Andreyevna, and Marya Antonovna.
GOVERNOR. Well, Anna Andreyevna, eh? Did you ever imagine such a thing? Such a rich prize? I'll be—. Well, confess frankly, it never occurred to you even in your dreams, did it? From just a simple governor's wife suddenly—whew!—I'll be hanged!—to marry into the family of such a big gun.
ANNA. Not at all. I knew it long ago. It seems wonderful to you because you are so plain. You never saw decent people.
GOVERNOR. I'm a decent person myself, mother. But, really, think, Anna Andreyevna, what gay birds we have turned into now, you and I. Eh, Anna Andreyevna? High fliers, by Jove! Wait now, I'll give those fellows who were so eager to present their petitions and denunciations a peppering. Ho, who's there? [Enter a Sergeant.] Is it you, Ivan Karpovich? Call those merchants here, brother, won't you? I'll give it to them, the scoundrels! To make such complaints against me! The damned pack of Jews! Wait, my dear fellows. I used to dose you down to your ears. Now I'll dose you down to your beards. Make a list of all who came to protest against me, especially the mean petty scribblers who cooked the petitions up for them, and announce to all that they should know what honor the Heavens have bestowed upon the Governor, namely this: that he is marrying his daughter, not to a plain ordinary man, but to one the like of whom has never yet been in the world, who can do everything, everything, everything, everything! Proclaim it to all so that everybody should know. Shout it aloud to the whole world. Ring the bell, the devil take it! It is a triumph, and we will make it a triumph. [The Sergeant goes out.] So that's the way, Anna Andreyevna, eh? What shall we do now? Where shall we live? Here or in St. Pete?
ANNA. In St.