About this time George Fox, who more and more endeavoured to lead a godly life, being come to the nineteenth year of his age, it happened at a fair, that a cousin of his and another coming to him, asked whether he would drink a jug of beer with them; he being thirsty, said yes, and went with them to an inn; but after each had drank a glass, they began to drink healths, and said, that he that would not drink should pay for all. This grieved George much, seeing that people who professed to be religious, behaved themselves thus, and therefore he rose up to be gone, and putting his hand into his pocket, he took a groat, and laid it down upon the table, saying, ‘If it be so I’ll leave you;’ and so he went away; and when his business was done, he returned home; but did not go to bed that night, but prayed and cried earnestly to the Lord; and it seemed to him that his supplications were answered after this manner, ‘Thou seest how young people go together into vanity, and old people into the earth; therefore thou must forsake all, both young and old and be as a stranger to them.’ This, which he took to be a divine admonition, made such a powerful impression on his mind, that he resolved to break off all familiar fellowship and conversation with young and old, and even to leave his relations, and live a separate and retired life. On the 9th of September, in the year 1643, he departed to Lutterworth, where he staid some time, and from thence went to Northampton, where he also made some stay, and then passed to Newport-Pagnel, in Buckinghamshire; and after having staid a while there, he went to Barnet, whither he came in the month called June, in the year 1644.
Whilst he thus led a solitary life, he fasted often, and read the holy Scriptures diligently, so that some professors took notice of him, and sought to be acquainted with him. But he soon perceiving they did not possess what they professed, grew afraid of them, and shunned their company. In this time he fell into a strong temptation, almost to despair, and was in mighty trouble, sometimes keeping himself retired in his chamber, and often walking solitary to wait upon the Lord. In this state he saw how Christ had been tempted; but when he looked to his own condition, he wondered, and said, ‘Was I ever so before?’ He began to think also that he had done amiss against his relations, because he had forsaken them; and he called to mind all his former time, to consider whether he had wronged any. Thus temptations grew more and more; and when Satan could not effect his design upon him that way, he laid snares for him to draw him to commit some sin, thereby to bring him to despair. He was then about twenty years of age, and continued a long while in this condition, and would fain have put it from him; which made him go to many a priest to look for comfort, but he did not find it from them. In this miserable state he went to London, in hopes of finding some relief among the great professors of that city; but being come there, he saw them much darkened in their understandings. He had an uncle there, one Pickering, a baptist, and those of that persuasion were tender then; yet he could not resolve to impart his mind to them, or join with them, because he saw all, young and old, where they were. And though some of the best would have had him staid there, yet he was fearful, and so returned homewards; for having understood that his parents and relations were troubled at his absence, he would rather go to them again lest he should grieve them. Now when he was come into Leicestershire, his relations would have had him married; but he prudently told them he was but a lad, and must get wisdom. Others would have had him in the auxiliary band among the forces of the Parliament, which being entered now into an intestine war with the king, had, with their forces this year, beaten not only the king’s army under Prince Rupert, but also had conquered the city of York. But to persuade George to list himself a soldier, was so against his mind, that he refused it, and went to Coventry, where he took a chamber for a while at a professor’s house, where he staid some time, there being many people in that town who endeavoured to live religiously. After some time he went into his own country again, and was there about a year, in great sorrows and troubles, walking many nights by himself.
Nathaniel Stevens, the priest of Drayton, (the town of George’s birth,) would often come to him, and George to the priest; and when Stevens visited him, he would sometimes bring another priest along with him, and then George would ask them questions, and reason with them. Once Stevens asked him why Christ cried out upon the cross, ‘My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me:’—and why he said, ‘If it be possible, let this cup pass from me; yet not my will but thine be done.’ To this George answered thus: ‘At that time the sins of all mankind were upon Christ, and their iniquities and transgressions with which he was wounded, which he was to bear, and to be an offering for them, as he was man; but died not, as he was God: and so, in that he died for all men, and tasted death for every man, he was an offering for the sins of the whole world.’ When George Fox spoke this, he was in some measure sensible of Christ’s sufferings, and what he went through. And his saying did so please the priest, that he said it was a very good full answer, and such a one as he had not heard. He would also applaud and speak highly of George Fox to others, and what George said in discourse to him, that he would preach of on the First-days of the week: for which George did not like him.
After some time he went to an ancient priest at Mansetter, in Warwickshire, and reasoned with him about the ground of despair and temptations; but he being altogether ignorant of George’s condition, bid him take tobacco, and sing psalms. But George signified that he was no lover of tobacco, and as for psalms, he was not in a state to sing. Then the priest bid him come again, and that then he would tell him many things. But when George came, the priest was angry and pettish, for George’s former words had displeased him; and he was so indiscreet, that what George had told him of his sorrows and griefs, he told again to his servants, so that it got among the milklasses; and grieved him to have opened his mind to such an one; and he saw they were all miserable comforters. Then he heard of a priest living about Tamworth, who was accounted an experienced man, and therefore he went to him, but found him like an empty hollow cask.
Hearing afterwards of one Dr. Cradock of Coventry, he went to him also, and asked him whence temptations and despair did arise, and how troubles came to be wrought in man. The priest, instead of answering, asked him who was Christ’s father and mother. George told him Mary was his mother; and he was supposed to be the son of Joseph; but he was the Son of God. Now as they were walking together in Dr. Cradock’s garden, it happened that George, in turning, set his foot on the side of a bed, which so disturbed that teacher, as if his house had been on fire, and thus all their discourse was lost; and George went away in sorrow, worse than he was when he came, seeing he found none that could reach his condition, after this he went to one Macham, a priest of high account; and he, no more skilful than the others, was for giving George some physic, and for bleeding him; but they could not get one drop of blood from him, either in the arms or the head; his body being, as it were, dried up with sorrows, grief, and trouble, which were so great upon him, that he could have wished never to have been born, to behold the vanity and wickedness of men; or that he had been born blind, and so he might never have seen it; and deaf, that he had never heard vain and wicked words, or the Lord’s name blasphemed. And when the time called Christmas came, while others were feasting and sporting themselves, he went from house to house, looking for poor widows, and giving them some money. And when he was invited to marriages, (as sometimes he was,) he would go to none at all; but the next day, or soon after, he went and visited those that were newly married; and if they were poor, he gave them some money; for he had wherewith both to keep himself from being chargeable to others, and to administer something to the needful.
Whilst the mind of George Fox was thus in trouble, the state