Wagons West. John R. Erickson

was a good question. I wasn’t sure what she was doing, but it looked pretty strange. It appeared that she was screeching at someone. She said, “Imposter! Usurper! Lowly woodpecker, pretender to the Feathered Realm! Away, away, be gone!”

      She delivered that message in a screechy owlish voice, and then…this was really strange…she crashed into the window. For a second, it appeared that the impact would cause her to fall to the ground. In fact, she did lose altitude, but at the last second, she flapped her way out of trouble and swooped back to the window.

      And the cat was waiting and watching down below.

      Drover said, “I just figured it out. She sees her reflection in the glass and thinks it’s another bird.”

      “That’s absurd.”

      “Gosh, that rhymes.”

      “You’re wasting time.”

      “That rhymes too.”

      “Get to the point, if you have one.”

      “She sees herself in the glass. You did that once. Remember that time with the mirror? You saw yourself in the mirror and thought it was a Phantom Dog. Hee hee. Boy, that was funny.”

      I gave him a scalding glare. “Drover, I don’t know what you hope to gain by spreading lies about your commanding officer, but let me warn you. This conversation could end up in your permanent peppermint.”

      “My what?”

      “Your permanent record.”

      “You don’t remember barking at the mirror?”

      “Of course I don’t remember. I don’t remember a lot of things that never happened.”

      “Yeah, but it happened, honest.”

      I rewound the Tape of My Life and turned my mind back to that afternoon in the machine shed, and remembered…well, I was barking at my reflection in a stupid mirror. “Okay, maybe I remember, but there’s a huge difference between what I did and what that bird is doing.”

      “No, it’s the same thing.”

      “It is NOT the same. She’s a bird and I’m a dog. I will always be a dog. I’m proud to be a dog, so stop trying to say that I’m a bird.” He shook his head and crossed his eyes. “And stop crossing your eyes when I talk to you.”

      “Talking to you is hopeless.”

      “Well, hopeless is better than no hope at all. The point is that I am not a bird.”

      “I never said you’re a bird.”

      You see what I have to live with? Endless arguments about nothing. Drover gets a crazy idea in his head and…oh well.

      I paced several steps away and gazed up at the sky. “All right, listen up. I’ve reviewed all the evidence in this case and here’s the situation. That owl sees her reflection in the window glass and thinks it’s another bird. She’s attacking the image in the glass. In small but tiny ways, it reminds me of my encounter with the Phantom in the Mirror.”

      “I’ll be derned. I never would have thought of that.”

      “Yes, well, you have no mental discipline. You just spout whatever nonsense comes into your head.”

      “Sorry. I’ll try harder next time.”

      “Good. Now, let’s put this episode behind us.” I paced back to him and laid a paw on his shoulder. “Are you sorry you said I was a bird?”

      “Oh yes, and I’ll never say it again. What about the cat?”

      “The cat is not a bird either.”

      “Yeah, but he’s fixing to eat one. Look!”

      Huh? I turned my gaze back to the house, just in time to see a tragedy unfoiling before my very eyes. The owl crashed into the window so hard, it knocked her senseless, and she fell like a rock into the flower bed. An instant later, the cat sprang off the porch and landed on top of the bird.

      Drover let out a gasp. “Oh my gosh, what’ll we do?”

      My mind was racing. “We have no choice. We must send troops over the fence. We have to save Madame Moonshine from the cat.”

      “I agree.”

      “Okay, here’s the plan. You go in the first wave, just in case Sally May comes out with her broom. Lay down some heavy barking.”

      His eyes blanked out. “Her broom?”

      “Right, it’s no big deal. Get in there and kick out some big barks.”

      “Help!”

      “You can do it, son. Remember: this is for the birds!”

      He gave that some thought. “You’re right. Here I go!” He pointed himself toward the yard fence and went charging off like…

      Oh brother. You’ll never guess what happened next.