The Case of the Missing Bird Dog
John R. Erickson
Illustrations by Gerald L. Holmes
Maverick Books, Inc.
Publication Information
MAVERICK BOOKS
Published by Maverick Books, Inc.
P.O. Box 549, Perryton, TX 79070
Phone: 806.435.7611
www.hankthecowdog.com
First published in the United States of America by Viking Children’s Books and Puffin Books, members of Penguin Putnam Books for Young Readers, 2002.
Currently published by Maverick Books, Inc., 2013
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Copyright © John R. Erickson, 2002
All rights reserved
Maverick Books, Inc. Paperback ISBN: 978-1-59188-140-7
Hank the Cowdog® is a registered trademark of John R. Erickson.
Printed in the United States of America
Except in the United States of America, this book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, re-sold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition including this condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
Dedication
For Michael Medved, a man of courage and wisdom
Contents
Chapter One Sleepless Nights
Chapter Two A Warning from Pete
Chapter Three The Deadly Moonbeams
Chapter Four My Heart Is Dashed to Pieces
Chapter Five Beulah Returns
Chapter Six Plato Is Missing
Chapter Seven The Runt Has an Attack
Chapter Eight A Rescue Mission
Chapter Nine Drover Is Cut in Half
Chapter Ten Oh No! The Killer Hog Appears!
Chapter Eleven The Giant Snout-Nosed Quail
Chapter Twelve Unbelievable Ending! No Kidding
Chapter One: Sleepless Nights
On the morning of November 1, at precisely nine o’clock in the morning, I noticed that something very strange was occurring on my ranch. It had nothing to do with Plato’s sudden disappearance or with an invasion of wild hogs on the ranch. All that stuff came later.
It began with a casual observation. I was in my office, as I recall. I had been up most of the night. No, I had been up most of the week. The entire Security Division had been staggering under a workload that would have killed most of your ordinary dogs.
What was the big deal? Well, it was the fall of the year, see, and we had just weaned our calves. Have we discussed weaning time? Maybe not, but maybe we should. It’s pretty complicated, so pay attention.
Okay, let’s start with basics. This ranch is what we call a “cow-calf operation.” That means we run mother cows in our grass pastures. In the springtime, the cows deliver their calves, and throughout the summer the calves live on their mothers’ milk. They grow big and strong, the calves do, and then one day in the fall, we round up all the animals in the pastures and separate the calves from the cows.
The calves are old enough to start eating solid food, don’t you see, and to get along without momma’s milk. And the mommas need some time to rest and put on flesh before winter arrives. This is weaning time. It happens every year and it’s part of nature’s plan for cows.
So where’s the problem? The problem is that . . . well, you just wouldn’t believe what happens when we separate the cows and calves. You’d think those mother cows would be happy to get rid of their little parasites—who, by the way, aren’t so little. By November, they all weigh four hundred to five hundred pounds. Would you want to furnish groceries for something that weighed five hundred pounds?
Not me, brother. I’d kick him out and tell him to get a job. But these cows . . . they are so dumb! You know what they do when we cut off the calves? They bawl and grieve. For days, they stand outside the corrals and bawl for their five-hundred-pound babies, who stand on the other side of the fence and bawl for their mommies.
It’s the worst noise you can imagine. Day and night, honking and moaning, bellering and mooing. Who can sleep through such noise? Not me. Only a rock could sleep—a rock or Drover. Drover seems to be able to sleep through anything, but I can’t.
Oh, and did I mention the neurotic behavior of the cows? Once we free them from the drain of having to support their calves, they don’t know what to do with themselves, so they pace: from the pens to the water tank, from the water tank back to the pens, from the pens out into the pasture, and then back again. They pace and honk and bawl.
And when they get tired of doing that, they start doing other things that are really weird. They’ll chew anything. Why? Ask a cow; I have no idea. They’ll chew bones. They’ll chew on rocks and sticks. They’ll chew the boards on the corral fence. Slim even caught one trying to eat a garden hose. Is that weird?
And you know what else they do? They chase dogs. Honest. No kidding. For the past five days, I had been followed and chased by a hundred and twenty-seven head of unemployed mother cows.
Why do they do this? Again, I have no idea. Sometimes I get the feeling that they . . . well, want to eat me. Don’t laugh. Any animal that will eat a garden hose might be crazy enough to eat a dog. But other times I’ve gotten the impression that they want to . . . I don’t know. Adopt me or play dolls with me or something nutty like that.
But the main point here is that at weaning time, I get no sleep. Zero. If I happen to collapse into my gunnysack bed beneath the gas tanks and try to grab a few minutes of moo-filled sleep, one of the old hags will come up and start licking my ears. Yes, they do that, and you know where I stand on the issue of Cow Licking. I won’t stand for it, never have.
So what happens is that I’m forced to give sympathy and counseling to the birdbrains. I mean, it’s a hard time for them and if I can say a word or two to ease their pain and grief, I’m glad to do it.
Well, I’m not glad to do it, but I do it. It’s part of my job.
I’ll hike over to the weaning pen and have a little chat with the kids—the calves, that is. I’ll pace back and forth in front of the fence and give ’em a few comforting words.
“Idiots. Morons. Did you think you’d get a free lunch for the rest of your lives? What do you have to complain about? The hay feeders are full of good bright alfalfa. Go eat. That’s what the rest of us have to do. We have to hustle our own grub and chew our own food. Welcome to the real world. Oh, and if you have any problems in the night, just keep them to yourselves. Thanks.”
And then I’ll turn to the mother cows and give them a little talk. “You cows are SO DUMB! You ought to be out celebrating. At last you’re rid of your ungrateful children. They’ve sucked the life out of you and you’re nothing but skinny hags. I’m sorry, but it’s true. You’re skinny hags,