There was still a dark chasm in her recollections, between the time the newlyweds had left the restaurant followed by festive exclamations of good wishes, to when she had woken up in the middle of the night in a room on the upper floors of the hotel. A hole where there were only flashes in which she saw herself naked, wrapped around a man with tanned skin crushing her against the bed under his body as he caressed and kissed her.
Then, total darkness.
And him again, rolling over and putting her on top of himself, straddling him. She remembered his feline eyes that announced passion and the sly smile on lips that invited her to abandon herself to any unspoken desire.
And again, total darkness, followed by a befuddled awakening... and that unspeakable reality.
2
What would happen once John got home? Was it necessary to confess something to him when she didn't even know how it had happened? Was sincerity at all costs essential to keeping their co-habitation alive in the best possible way?
Questions that came back to haunt her even when she was driving through the Manhattan traffic. Questions that instilled doubts in her which she had never had before, undermining her few certainties. After all, she was only twenty-eight years old with little experience in couple relationships to be certain she had the right answers.
The sound of her cell phone drew her attention. She pressed a button on the dashboard and activated the speakerphone.
"Hello, Loreley. How are you?"
"David!" she said happily. "What a pleasure. I haven't heard from you in a while."
"Yes, you’re right, but you could have called me too."
"You know, I’ve been very busy, and Hans' wedding took everything out of me, including the desire to get married should John ever ask me one day."
She heard a short laugh at the other end of the phone. "Still the same old story of the fox that can't get to the grapes..."
"Don't make fun of me, come on! Do you have anything to tell me, instead?"
"Yes... there is something."
"Don't string it out!"
"It's something serious and I'd rather talk to you about it in person if I can..."
«All right, I'd love to spend some time with you."
"If you’re free, we could get together tomorrow afternoon, at your place."
"Let's make it three o'clock?"
"Three o'clock."
Loreley ended the conversation wistfully recalling David's gentle, smiling face. She missed the days she had spent with him, especially their university days, and the lovely carefree moments he had given her.
All things pass and as often happens, the most beautiful things are also those that last less time.
She slammed her foot on the brake and cursed, clutching the steering wheel. The car in front of her had slowed down abruptly and she had narrowly escaped running into the back of it.
For the life of me! She usually kept at safe distance, so stopped for a few moments to take a deep breath. As soon as she heard cars honking behind her she drove on again.
Everyone is in such a hurry! Sometimes she longed for her beloved Zurich, with its order and tranquility. So different from electrifying and hectic New York.
A light rain began to tap on the windshield. She scowled: she had forgotten to bring an umbrella. And yet she knew that in October the weather was unpredictable.
***
The following afternoon Loreley left the house dressed in a simple pair of jeans and a shirt of the same cloth and colour. Her friend David was waiting for her outside the front door.
As soon as she was close to him, she threw her arms around his neck and held him close for several seconds.
"You are enthusiastic!" he began, hugging her in turn.
"We’ve never been apart for so long," she defended herself pulling away. "Where would you like to go?"
"It's a lovely sunny day, we could walk for a while."
"Okay!"
Loreley adjusted her bag on her shoulder and took him by the hand, but after a few steps she stopped him. "Don’t dare put your hand near your wallet," she said, raising her index finger at him. "I'll take care of it today, okay?"
"Well, what an effort for someone like you!"
"What would you be implying?" she asked, hands on hips. "I'm waiting."
"Your family’s... well, they do alright."
"They’re wealthy, you can say it. But this has nothing to do with me."
"I know, Loreley, don't get angry, I was just kidding."
"Let's not talk about that and relax a bit. Whatever you want to do is fine with me."
David had nothing particular in mind. They left the car and walked to Corona Park. It was quiet that autumn day, immersed in a light blanket of silence and a thin veil of fog. There were carpets of multicoloured leaves underneath the almost-bare trees, accentuating the languid nostalgic charm of autumn, despite the flowers which were still blooming in colours from deep yellow to violet.
They could have chosen to walk in Central Park, which was larger and not far from her home, instead of crossing the entire Borough of Queens, but she knew David didn't like places that were too big and crowded. To tell the truth, nor did he like going to places where wealth, and especially those who flaunted it, were in the majority, she thought, as she walked by his side. She was his only well-to-do friend.
When their legs began to ache with fatigue, they took a break and sat on a wall near the Unisphere, a huge steel monument depicting the terrestrial globe. Loreley chatted about her brother's wedding and what had happened the night before, though she did not reveal the name of the man with whom she had shared a bed. She still didn’t feel ready for that, even to her friend. He seemed to understand because he avoided asking her about him, but a frown had appeared on his forehead that had not been there before.
"I know what you're thinking," she said, looking into his cerulean eyes, that seemed to scold her. "I'd could slap myself. Johnny doesn't deserve it, and I don't know how to get out of it without hurting him."
"You can’t decide whether to tell him or not, can you?"
"I'm scared he won't forgive me. And I don’t have the courage either..." She looked away for a few moments.
"If he knows you as well as I do, he’ll realize that you would never have ended up in that bed if you’d been sober."
“You make it sound simple!”
David looked at her annoyed. "It's never easy. Do you think it didn't cost me a lot to confess my betrayal to you? I was so afraid of losing you forever, even as a friend. But then you understood..."
"I was upset all the same, even though I tried not to show it. I didn't want anything to do with men for years after that, and all that counted for me was studying and skating."
He sighed. "It's been a long time, but I can see you still get upset when we talk about it."
She shook her head. "I'm sorry, David..." She stroked his cheek. "I’m not upset about the past. I’m upset about the present."
"I just told you how I feel about it.”
"I'll think about it, I promise,” she reassured him, wanting to be done with that embarrassing topic.
Best to talk about something else.
She