If a friend said something hurtful, it is pointless to think of what she should have said; it is senseless to lie awake at night thinking of what we could have replied in retort. It is done. It is in the past. There is only acceptance of what is. It may have been hurtful, and our pained feelings must be acknowledged and accepted. Indeed, it is only from the point of acceptance that any change can occur.
Stop engaging in mental calisthenics worrying about what you cannot change.
Accountability
“It is wrong and immoral to seek to escape the consequences of one's acts.” ~Mahatma Gandhi
A popular buzz phrase has evolved in our everyday lexicon: I am responsible. Everyone, it seems, from CEOs to politicians, is donning a mantle of “responsibility.” The word – and sentiment – has become so prevalent and popular, that it is almost losing its meaning. This is evidenced by some flowery speeches from some notables who mouth the words, but seem to escape without the consequences of such “assumed” responsibility.
What does it mean to be responsible? Without justifying mistakes, rationalizing poor judgment, or blaming misinformation, how do we manage this onus of responsibility? Can we find compelling reasons to explain away a situation?
To be responsible for one’s actions and the outcomes of one’s choices and decisions means that the onus is on us. Completely. We create everything that happens to us, good and bad. Indeed, nothing happens of its own. We are not victims; we are not helpless. Everything in our lives is there because of some choice we made. We cannot blame others for whatever predicament we are in.
The concept that we create everything in our lives is sometimes very difficult to accept, because it can be a formidable weight to grapple with. However, it is also extremely liberating, because if we realize that we created something undesirable, however unconsciously or inadvertently, we can also create the opposite. We do not have to wait on the charity of others to get us out of our misery.
When events beyond our control wreak havoc, we still bear the responsibility of how we will react to those events. A major disaster, an illness, a death - all can be learning and growing opportunities, sharpening the blade, strengthening the twig.
Whatever the situation may be - joblessness, obesity, broken relationship - by accepting that we are at the center of the situation, and that we played a role in the situation, releases us from fretfulness, and begins to open doors to solutions and a redesigned life.
Allegiance
“Truth is a tyrant - the only tyrant to whom we can give our allegiance. The service of truth is a matter of heroism.” ~John F. Kennedy
Allegiance is commitment to a cause or a people. It is loyalty, and the willingness to follow a purported hero, or submit to the rules of a cause. Allegiance to a sports team, for example, would include cheering them in glory or failure, yet retaining one’s loyalty despite repeated losses. Allegiance to a television character is likewise displayed in a willingness to follow the character’s actions throughout the series. One demonstrates allegiance to one’s family when its members are less than completely appealing. Loyalty does not diminish when allegiance is strong.
Ambition
“Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings.” ~Salvador Dali
How does ambition fit in with values? Have we not all heard that ambition is evil, driving men to all forms of unscrupulous behavior? Indeed. However, ambition also has a motivating trait: that of impelling action. It is all well and good to come up with a bright idea; but how shall we implement it? Ambition is the hunger that compels us to achieve a desired goal, through hard work and determination; through curiosity and moxie.
Appreciation
“Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the star s, and see yourself running with them.” ~ Marcus Aurelius
Appreciation is the recognition of something. The word is used to denote thanks, and in fact, appreciation is closely connected with acknowledgment – for a job well done, or for the gifts one has been given, both material and otherwise. Appreciate what you have, in all its glory. When someone says, “I appreciate that,” it usually means thank you. But appreciation as an inner value goes much more deeply: It acknowledges and recognizes deeply felt contributions and gifts.
Recognition for a job well done is a gift, given freely and sincerely. Sincerity cannot be faked. Sincere appreciation is not flattery. Flattery does not feel genuine, and therefore does not feel good; in fact, it may actually feel demeaning and patronizing. But sincere acknowledgment is also deeply felt. The words used, the way they are used, the body language, and the situation in which they are used are all essential underpinnings of what is genuine, deserved, and ultimately pleasurable approval and thanks.
Beauty
“For Attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others.” ~ Sam Levenson
The great philosopher, Mortimer Adler, spoke about aesthetics, or what beauty means beyond personal taste or conventional agreement. In everyday speech, when people use words such as "beauty" or "beautiful," they typically mean something they subjectively think is pleasing to the eye. The concept of philosophical aesthetics somehow has escaped conventional consciousness.
St. Thomas Aquinas' definition of beauty as that which pleases upon being seen tends to support subjectivism. For "being seen," substitute "being beheld.” What Aquinas is saying is that which, when beheld, gives us pleasure, we call beautiful. Different persons get pleasure of this sort from different objects. They differ in their tastes. What one person finds enjoyable, another might behold with no pleasure at all.
However, there is another aspect of beauty that most people fail to consider. In addition to the enjoyable, there is the admirable. What makes one object more admirable than another is some excellence in the object itself? Leonardo da Vinci described the Golden Triangle as the special symmetry that results in a pleasing appearance.
There are those who still doubt that there is an objective aspect to beauty. What makes something beautiful and admirable frequently is its own excellence, its own inherent traits, rather than the subjective sense of the beholder.
Beauty is the characteristic of a person, animal, place, or idea that offers a perceptual impression of pleasure or satisfaction. It is the interpretation of something as being in harmony with nature. It may even give rise to feelings of well being, and so is believed to be useful as a survival tool.
Benevolence
“You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.” ~ John Bunyan
Benevolence is the act of doing good – not for political recognition; not for acknowledgement of any kind; not for a medal; and not as a line entry on a resume. Benevolence is an act