But this year, it’d be vice versa. I’d get tanned (I hope not sunburned). And the main thing’s that I’d be swimming a lot. I hope there’ll be no sharks. I’ve heard they’re quite dangerous. Can they eat a person? Or even two? Or three..?
Anyway, after we took a shower, we went to the beach. Fortunately, it wasn’t three miles away from our hotel, as it happens sometimes. It was located… right within the hotel territory! What a good luck!
I like swimming. I like swimming a lot and looking at the fish. I like looking at the corals deep down at the bottom of the sea. Of course, I wear special glasses. So I did now.
But wait, where was all the flora and fauna? Or had I brought all my equipment here in vain? That just couldn’t be.
I wanted to talk to a fish. And what’d I do now? Talk to the empty water?
I’d like to make some friends. Talking friends. Talking fish. But it seems like no one in the water would like to talk to me. Pity.
In the films and cartoons, they show how the main characters make fish friends. And what about me..?
No animal wants to make friends with me. Well, then, I want to make friends with no animal!
(And I’d never wanted to make friends with animals since they don’t want to make friends with me!)
When I was 13, Mum took me to the zoo. There were so many people! And so many animals! I wonder how they weren’t fed up with each other, but I already felt they’d been fed up with me, even if I had just appeared in the zoo. A bird was looking at me so angrily I wanted to go back home. Mum asked what the matter was, for she noticed nothing wrong with the bird. Maybe he was in a bad mood. Maybe he’d had a bad day, or something had happened to his birdie friend. A birdie friend! She was a birdie indeed! And not just a birdie, but even a smarty! Another one looking at me angrily! Actually, that is the reason why I don’t like animals.
Anyway… Who’s that man looking at me? He’s so nice, and… handsome! A lifeguard. Yes, he is. Sitting in the observation tower. Big round brown eyes, muscles all over his body, the sun having tanned his skin. A Greek god, not a man!
I swam a little bit and got back to shore. Our deck chair was placed near that lifeguard, so he was literally staring at me while I was sitting there.
It seemed like I fell in love.
I thought: «Is he married..?»
I hoped he wasn’t.
3.
26 July 1972
Agadir, Morocco
And so, we went to the beach every day. Four days passed. No, not four. Maybe five. Or six. I don’t remember.
I noticed that I began to feel shy when coming up to this man. I started to avoid him. And he looked so surprised when I did that. I think he even was about to laugh at me!
How unfair. No man can laugh at me. Just because I’m a good person. I’m not a bad girl. I’m not that kind of girl either.
So, I showed him my tongue. Let him know I’m a good one. Now, he literally laughed at me. Mum asked what the matter was. I explained that this man was too cheeky with me and that he’d been laughing at me all the time. But she said I had an inferiority complex.
27 July 1972
Agadir, Morocco
I didn’t sleep for the whole night. Thinking about this man. Taking into account that Mum and me were in ONE room (we didn’t have that much money for TWO ones), she was angry at my rolling over in my bed for the whole night. At 6 a. m., she asked what had happened. I answered nothing. When she tried to fall asleep for the second time, I started rolling over again.
In the morning, I looked in the mirror. How horrible! Pouches under my eyes and pale skin. As if I’d been ill.
Of course, I didn’t want to go to the beach with looks like that. So, Mum asked what’d happened. I answered nothing. She suspected that something was wrong with me, but I didn’t want to tell her what the matter really was.
So, I began to cry. Mum started to worry about me. And she also started to keep an eye on me. It seemed like she guessed the reasons of my behaviour perfectly.
So, she said she wouldn’t let me out without herself. Although I’m already an adult.
Well, I understand her really well. She loves me and meant only well to me. But she’d laugh at me if I told her the truth!
Yes. I wanted to see him. That man. The lifeguard. I wanted him to marry me. I wanted him to live with me for the rest of my life and take care of me. I wanted him to call me the best girl ever. The most beautiful girl ever.
I wanted him to look at me for all the time.
Is there anything bad in these wishes? No, I think there isn’t. People around me may think (and they actually do!) there is. But what..?
I started to make up an escape plan.
4.
28 July 1972
Agadir, Morocco
In fact, I like going outside. Especially when it’s sunny. The same here, in Agadir. The only exception is that I couldn’t go outside our hotel: the evil locals would finish me off because I was a white person and because I wore open clothes: my head, hands and legs were uncovered. And they despise such people. But maybe they just didn’t like me..?
So, that day, I decided to run away for an hour. Just. For. One. Hour. To. See. Him.
I hoped Mum didn’t see me get out of the window. Our room was on the ground floor, so it didn’t cost me much effort. She was in the shower at the time.
I put on my swimming suit and escaped, looking back. Fortunately, there was nobody around. I strolled towards the beach.
And there he was – this man, looking at the sea! How romantic!
I decided to have a swim. I didn’t want to COME UP to him anyway. I just wished to SEE him. Well, it’s rather impolite to approach the man first. It’s him that must take the initiative, isn’t it?
And he didn’t even look at me! Or, he did, but he didn’t let me know that. I think he just despised me too. Then, why ignore me if he didn’t?
I swam up to the buoys and back. Then, I decided to have one more swim. Why not? Mum still hadn’t noticed my absence and didn’t come here to call for me. Would she be angry with me if she found out the reason of all that? A hundred percent she would. Zero percent she wouldn’t.
Suddenly, I felt bad. What was up with me? No, I didn’t eat anything expired. I just couldn’t move.
I tried to swim back to the shore. Though I couldn’t. I’d got quite far away from the beach. Right up to the buoys.
I was about to faint. Then, I started to drown.
And then… Only darkness.
5.
«Where am I? I don’t understand anything!» These were my first thoughts when I came to my senses. What was happening around me?..
«Hey, are you all right?» a man’s voice asked.
I opened my eyes. It seemed like I was about to die today. I raised myself upon my elbow.
Actually, I wasn’t all right, but still, I wasn’t dead either. So let him think I was all right.
«Yes, I am. And you?»
«Of course, I am too.»
He had saved my life! Oh, my saviour!
I asked,