“You’re thinking of Lily and how her mother abandoned her.”
“I’m thinking of a lot of things. Besides, there’s nothing mean about this.”
True enough. “So you planted the idea of me giving fashion and makeup advice. You went into town just for that?”
He looked uncomfortable, but then he seemed to shrug off his discomfort and grinned. “No sin in going to town.”
No, there wasn’t. All her urges to sin were right here, contained in a totally masculine package. Still, she knew that Noah didn’t just goof off and go to town on a regular basis. Brody had made that clear to her. And so had her conversation with the women at the store.
“So…did you just take a scattershot approach or did you purposely target Diane?”
“You say that as if I harmed her. I just knew that she’s always had a few stars in her eyes. She reads all the fan mags, but mostly I chose her because she’s a nice woman. And she doesn’t have any interest in me or mine.”
Ivy laughed. “In other words, she won’t pretend to be visiting me while ogling you.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “If someone says they’re here to see you, they darn well should do the right thing and show an interest in you, not show up under false pretenses. I knew Diane would find you fifty times more interesting than me.”
Warmth spread through Ivy. He wanted her to get some genuine attention. “Thank you,” she said.
“For what? Sounds as if you have an evening of work ahead.”
Maybe. The thought of opening a makeup kit made her hands shake. Despite the fact that she had loved modeling and it had been the first time she had ever felt as if she had a place in life…that life was a reminder of another time, one where Bo lived. She couldn’t go there. But, Ivy admitted, there would be some regret at being the person behind the scenes this time. Maybe even some envy.
That was wrong. Diane was sweet and excited and genuinely friendly. If even a hint of melancholy threatened, Ivy intended to slap it away. Diane deserved better than that.
“Da,” a little voice said. Ivy automatically turned toward the doorway, where Lily had crept in unnoticed. The little girl was staring directly at her, all big blue eyes and blond curls. She was clutching a teddy bear, holding him upside down tight against her side, her chubby little hands curled around him. She must have noticed Ivy looking at the bear, because she held him out with a huge smile. “Bunny,” she said.
Ivy’s heart flipped over. Her throat closed up. There was a pain in her chest, and yet…this was a child, an innocent child. She couldn’t run away and risk hurting Lily’s feelings. “His name is Bunny?” she asked, with the best smile she could manage.
“Not Bunny. Buh-ny,” Lily enunciated with a chuckle. “See? Bunny?” and she held out one hand palm up as if she was sure she had cleared everything up.
“Sorry,” Noah said, reaching out and swinging Lily into his arms. “She’s quick as lightning, and she sneaks off now and then. Come on, squirt, let’s go put Barney to bed.”
“Yes. Bunny ti-red,” Lily agreed.
“Oh, I see. Barney,” Ivy said.
Lily squirmed in her father’s arms and turned so that she was facing Ivy. “Yes!” she squealed. “Bye-bye.”
“Bye, sweetie.”
Noah carried her away, his long legs quickly taking them both out of view.
Ivy dropped to a chair and stared at her hands. She could hear Noah murmuring. She heard the little girl say, “Wuv you, Da. Wuv you, Mar-ta.”
Ivy closed her eyes. She concentrated on breathing, on not thinking of Bo. She should get up and leave. But she didn’t. When Noah came back, she looked straight up into his eyes. “Don’t even consider apologizing. This is your home. It’s Lily’s home, and she’s adorable. I’m the intruder. I’m the one with the problem, and if the tables were turned, I wouldn’t want to feel I had to apologize because Bo had acted the way a child acts. She’s a sweetheart, Noah. I recognize that. How could I not?”
“But it still hurts to see her.”
“It’s more than that.”
“Tell me.”
She hesitated, couldn’t find her voice for a minute. She wasn’t sure how to say the next thing, so she moved to the door, pulled it open and stepped outside, dragging in great breaths of air.
Noah followed on her heels, shutting the door behind him. “Ivy? Are you okay? Is there anything I can do? Anything?”
And that concern jarred the words loose. “I didn’t save him. What if I could have prevented it?” Her words came out in a choked whisper.
“You couldn’t have. You weren’t even driving.” So he had obviously looked up the story—or been told about it.
“But I knew Alden liked to gamble, and that included gambling that he wouldn’t get pulled over for speeding, because he liked to drive too fast. He laughed whenever I asked him to slow down. And even though it’s been two years, sometimes I still wake up at night and dream that I can live that day over. In my dream I’m not distracted by something else. I’m paying attention and I realize that Alden is in a mood and I keep Bo home. That’s all it would have taken. Something that simple. Just that one little decision. If—”
“Don’t,” he said, grasping her arms in his big hands. “You didn’t kill your child, Ivy. You weren’t driving,” he reiterated. “And your husband wasn’t listening to you.”
Ivy wanted nothing more than to listen to Noah, to lean into his big body and let him comfort her. He was right. She knew that. And yet he was wrong, too. When Bo had been born, she had promised herself that she would never do anything to hurt him. She had arrogantly believed that she was a much better mother than her own had been. And now she couldn’t trust herself. She could never risk having and losing a child again. How could anyone risk having that happen to them again?
Still, the incident today had changed things.
“I don’t want you to hide Lily anymore. This is her home, her ranch, her everything. I’ll be the one to make the adjustments. If our paths cross…well, I think I handled it okay today. I didn’t make her uncomfortable, did I?”
He smiled gently and tucked a finger beneath her chin. “You didn’t. She liked you.”
“How could you tell?”
“I just can. She talked to you. Usually she has to meet a person several times before her shy wears off.”
Ivy smiled a bit at that. “Well, I’d better get back to work. I take it that the dishwasher wasn’t really broken. That’s why Marta called me in.”
“Not broken, I don’t think. But I’ll check.” He turned to go.
“Noah?”
He turned back.
“Thank you.”
“What for?”
For not being angry that I have so much trouble being near your little sweetheart of a daughter. But there’d been too much emotion coursing through her this morning already. She’d been on the verge of throwing herself into his arms only moments ago. She needed to lighten things up.
“For going to the feed and seed and telling tales. I like Diane.”
“And you don’t mind the extra work after hours?”
“It won’t be work. And she’s only one woman.”
“Hmm,” he said.